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Re: Infidelity
[Re: redchevy]
#7538819
06/20/19 06:25 PM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 25,345
Creekrunner
THF Celebrity
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 25,345 |
Be there when he needs a bud. One of my buddies went through it recently, we invited him to a lot of stuff and made it a point to do more stuff with him. All you can do. I had a great friend that sat there with me, drank with me, and listened to me bitch and moan ad nauseum. I can never repay him. He'd been there (a much worse situation).
...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Creekrunner]
#7538823
06/20/19 06:33 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
The Bible covers this. TWO REASONS for divorce. Abandonment and infidelity. God forgives divorce in only those two areas. Gotta take issue with that Cast. God can forgive anything He chooses. I'm the furthest thing from an "anything goes" kind of guy, but I don't presume to speak for the Almighty. My ex blamed me for the marriage falling apart, "destroyed her self-esteem", etc. I begged to go to counseling. The counselor met with her alone for 10 minutes and then told me, separately, that my marriage was over. Ex told me to get out of the house. There were two little girls that I didn't think would be best served by Daddy camping in the living room, so I left. She divorced me. Worst period of my entire life. I don't see how you stay married to a person that won't stay married to you. I'm not cut out for celibacy and lonliness and I don't think God wants that for us. Later heard about Mommy's "friend" at work. She said that she was never physical with him. Mommy married the "friend" a while later. Women lie easier than men. That's a fact. You are not taking issue with me. I just told you what the Bible says about it. Don’t get mad at me.
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538824
06/20/19 06:33 PM
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 26,552
JCB
THF Celebrity
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 26,552 |
I think I'm just going to stay out of it. Maybe just tell him to follow his gut. Be a friend but not mediator. He is asking you for advice because he trusts your judgement.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cast]
#7538830
06/20/19 06:40 PM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 7,636
Nathan at Fork
THF Trophy Hunter
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 7,636 |
The Bible covers this. TWO REASONS for divorce. Abandonment and infidelity. God forgives divorce in only those two areas. Gotta take issue with that Cast. God can forgive anything He chooses. I'm the furthest thing from an "anything goes" kind of guy, but I don't presume to speak for the Almighty. My ex blamed me for the marriage falling apart, "destroyed her self-esteem", etc. I begged to go to counseling. The counselor met with her alone for 10 minutes and then told me, separately, that my marriage was over. Ex told me to get out of the house. There were two little girls that I didn't think would be best served by Daddy camping in the living room, so I left. She divorced me. Worst period of my entire life. I don't see how you stay married to a person that won't stay married to you. I'm not cut out for celibacy and lonliness and I don't think God wants that for us. Later heard about Mommy's "friend" at work. She said that she was never physical with him. Mommy married the "friend" a while later. Women lie easier than men. That's a fact. You are not taking issue with me. I just told you what the Bible says about it. Don’t get mad at me. Well the bible also says "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery" So, once divorced you can never remarry.
Last edited by Nathan at Fork; 06/20/19 06:41 PM.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cast]
#7538831
06/20/19 06:45 PM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 27,091
Nogalus Prairie
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The Bible covers this. TWO REASONS for divorce. Abandonment and infidelity. God forgives divorce in only those two areas. Gotta take issue with that Cast. God can forgive anything He chooses. I'm the furthest thing from an "anything goes" kind of guy, but I don't presume to speak for the Almighty. My ex blamed me for the marriage falling apart, "destroyed her self-esteem", etc. I begged to go to counseling. The counselor met with her alone for 10 minutes and then told me, separately, that my marriage was over. Ex told me to get out of the house. There were two little girls that I didn't think would be best served by Daddy camping in the living room, so I left. She divorced me. Worst period of my entire life. I don't see how you stay married to a person that won't stay married to you. I'm not cut out for celibacy and lonliness and I don't think God wants that for us. Later heard about Mommy's "friend" at work. She said that she was never physical with him. Mommy married the "friend" a while later. Women lie easier than men. That's a fact. You are not taking issue with me. I just told you what the Bible says about it. Don’t get mad at me. If you are saying that God will not forgive a divorce outside of those two scenarios, you need to go back and re-read your Bible. Christ’s blood covers every sin but not accepting Him. Thus, those sins can be forgiven upon asking and repentance. Which is kinda the point of the entire New Testament/Jesus’ sacrifice for us.
I learned long ago you can't reason someone out of something they don't reason themselves into.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538833
06/20/19 06:47 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,510
DQ Kid
THF Celebrity
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,510 |
I know what I would do but that's not necessarily what needs to be conveyed to your friend. As mentioned, be his confidant and sounding board only, he has to make his own decisions and be content in them....
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538847
06/20/19 07:07 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,205
CCBIRDDOGMAN
Bird Herder
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Bird Herder
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,205 |
Yes, I should have said also, stay out of it. I was just telling what I would do, doesn't mean it's right or wrong and doesn't mean it's what he should do. He will have to do his own thing here.
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out. I am a sucker for happy endings and strapped cowboys.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538856
06/20/19 07:21 PM
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 12,356
Duck_Hunter
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 12,356 |
I think I'm just going to stay out of it. Maybe just tell him to follow his gut. I think this is the right decision, but you can still be there for him when he needs to talk or drink a beer.
I just turned it on . I was looking bird dogs in the butt this morning.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538873
06/20/19 07:46 PM
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 21,923
Mike W
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Posts: 21,923 |
There is no advise to give. Pray for them, support him however you can. He has a tough decision to make that is going to affect a lot of other people, and only he can make it.
This cannot be fixed at the voting booth.. Wake Up You Morons!
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538874
06/20/19 07:48 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,743
Mickey Moose
THF Trophy Hunter
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,743 |
Stay out of it, just be a friend like others have said. What others have not said:
She cheated. Morally. Maybe [not?] physically. She needs to go. There are woman that will not cheat morally or physically. Don't waste time on a cheat.
My botnet is bigger than yours.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: unclebubba]
#7538875
06/20/19 07:52 PM
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 6,578
Wburke2010
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 6,578 |
I actually have experience in this arena. Caught my ex in a very similar scenario. She said it never went physical, blah, blah, blah...As I had a boy, I decided to go the route of forgiveness. Let me tell you how hard that is. The marriage never was right after that. She did not put in the effort to deserve the forgiveness that she was getting. It did end up happening again, and we did eventually get divorced.
Now, I am not advocating that he divorce her either. I still have not figured out which process was worse, the Divorce, or the being Cheated on. Either way, he's got a tough time ahead of him. X2 might as well end it now or it will drag out and just get worse. Talking from experience
MW Ranch Services 903-303-4523 Metal buildings, welding, equipment repair, dirt work
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: NORML as can be]
#7538904
06/20/19 08:34 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 46,950
Gravytrain
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 46,950 |
This is one of the key questions. If they don't have kids, she needs to be super duper hot and fun to boot. Otherwise good bye. If they have kids that's sad, I would stay together until they are over 18 personally if he could stand it. But the best advice was probably stay out of it.
Upon us all, upon us all, a little rain must fall
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538923
06/20/19 08:49 PM
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,067
titan2232
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,067 |
Just one slice out of an entire loaf? You'll never notice
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538935
06/20/19 09:09 PM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 25,345
Creekrunner
THF Celebrity
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 25,345 |
...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7538989
06/20/19 10:32 PM
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,938
gtrich94
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,938 |
Sounds exactly like my situation almost 20 years ago and she also swore nothing physical ever happened. If they don't have kids, he needs to get the hell outtta Dodge before they do. If she did this once, she's either done it before and not got caught, or she will do it again. Thankfully we didn't have kids so the divorce process was pretty simple. It wasn't easy, but in the end, it was the best thing I have ever done. If they have kids, this is a much harder discussion. He needs to understand going into the divorce that the family court system will side with her every step of the way and he's going to have to fight for every inch of ground.
My ex also had a different "old friend from high school" that came along after the first guy but before we got divorced. Let's just say Karma is a B!@#$. He turned out to be a bum that spent her money and laid around on her couch. About four months after we got divorced, she called me to tell me she was pregnant with his kid. After picking myself up off the floor where I fell over from laughing, I realized how big of a bullet I dodged and how good my life was compared to the year before.
Last edited by gtrich94; 06/20/19 10:59 PM.
Thanks, Rich
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: NORML as can be]
#7539001
06/20/19 10:52 PM
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,684
CitySlickerHunter
Extreme Tracker
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Extreme Tracker
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,684 |
"I can't be over gunned because the animal can't be over dead"-Elmer Keith 10/30/2012 I VOTED for The American
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: swampthang]
#7539012
06/20/19 11:09 PM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32,015
txtrophy85
THF Celebrity
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32,015 |
Save time, GTFO
She will do it again.
Divorce is hard. Losing self respect is harder I don't know man,I've seen a few couples move past cheating "incidents" and go on to lead relatively normal lives. Relatively normal is, well, relative. People can put on fronts to maintain appearances, but I personally don't believe that people can go thru that and then wipe the slate clean and be completely normal/functional as a couple. Maybe if they were into drinking, drugs, etc. and then got saved as a couple and completely turned there lives around then I think that's likely possible, but for 98% of the couples where cheating has occurred, then no. It may not bother the non-cheater of the equation immediately, but after the dust settles and things blow over and return to more normal seas, then you will see anger emerge, resentments form, etc. you basically have to tell your buddy this.....she wasn't drunk at a bar and met some random dude and got slammed in the bathroom at last call (which is not ok either ) but she had a full blown relationship with another person, and still came home at night and put on her Suzie Homemaker face and played everything like it was cool. Let it sink in for him what kind of person he is sharing a house and a life with. I'm in the camp, if this is a good friend of yours, he needs to hear some truths. Just "staying out of it " is not what friends are for. If I'm effing up in life, I expect my friends to tell me so. If I need help with something and tell my friends about it, i'm not venting i'm asking for advice on what I should do. This is why he is telling you, because he needs help making a decision.
For it is not the quarry that we truly seek, but the adventure.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539014
06/20/19 11:10 PM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,287
scalebuster
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,287 |
I’d let the new guy take up payments on her. Sounds like a “Win, Win!”
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539107
06/21/19 01:23 AM
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 5,041
jetdad
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 5,041 |
I think I'm just going to stay out of it. Maybe just tell him to follow his gut. Kick her to the curb, find a hot girlfriend and follow that anatomical pointer that always points men in the right direction. Cheaters rarely rehab. They only try to rehab because they were caught. People are either honest or they will lie/cheat. Life's too short to mess with skanks. Staying in a crappy marriage for the kids is toxic. A bad relationship is not good for children. You can't trust someone that's put it to you. Doubt will always remain, unless you're a cheater as well, then you're doomed anyway. Finding a life partner in today's world isn't easy. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, be it spouse, kids, co-workers, whatever. Very tough, if not impossible to build a relationship without that foundation.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: swampthang]
#7539119
06/21/19 01:41 AM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 20,758
cbump
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 20,758 |
Save time, GTFO
She will do it again.
Divorce is hard. Losing self respect is harder I don't know man,I've seen a few couples move past cheating "incidents" and go on to lead relatively normal lives. I don’t buy It. I barely trust a woman who hasn’t cheated yet and trust most men to respect another man’s woman even less. Hard to believe It was a one time thing. A part of me believes a woman gets a little attention and runs with It. Terrible world view I know.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: cbump]
#7539159
06/21/19 02:44 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32,015
txtrophy85
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32,015 |
Save time, GTFO
She will do it again.
Divorce is hard. Losing self respect is harder I don't know man,I've seen a few couples move past cheating "incidents" and go on to lead relatively normal lives. I don’t buy It. I barely trust a woman who hasn’t cheated yet and trust most men to respect another man’s woman even less. Hard to believe It was a one time thing. A part of me believes a woman gets a little attention and runs with It. Terrible world view I know. What’s terrible is that it’s realistic
For it is not the quarry that we truly seek, but the adventure.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539173
06/21/19 03:08 AM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 27,091
Nogalus Prairie
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 27,091 |
Honestly, all the talk guys (and women) do about how sorry their spouse (or ex) is or was is always kind of mystifying to me. I mean, they’re the ones that married them. I’m not in any position to give advice since I don’t know the situation, but I do know most who cheat will cheat again. I’d guess trust can’t ever be re-gained in 98% of the cases.
I learned long ago you can't reason someone out of something they don't reason themselves into.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539187
06/21/19 03:35 AM
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 12,322
ntxtrapper
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 12,322 |
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. No coming back from it. I have never done it and never will. I have no desire to and people who do, must be wired differently than me. Anyone I'm with who does, is history to me.
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539188
06/21/19 03:48 AM
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 22,716
BigPig
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 22,716 |
Pack her bags for her and put them on the curb. Life’s too short to be treated like [censored] by the one you love. Hell, I’d even go as far as letting old boys wife know, after all, you would be giving them what they want, to be together. I have no sympathy for cheaters.
Wade Dews, REALTOR ® Rendon Realty, LLC Frontline Real Estate Team www.RendonRealty.comWadeDews@gmail.com 214-356-2410 Up to 1% for closing costs for First Responders & Veterans Proudly partnered with Assist The Officer Foundation https://atodallas.org/
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Re: Infidelity
[Re: Cochise]
#7539205
06/21/19 06:05 AM
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 18,789
Roll-Tide
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 18,789 |
My cheating experience. I have been married 21 years and have not cheated on my wife.
When I was younger and Before I was married I had a nice girlfriend, which I cheated on. The first time I felt terrible guilt, felt very bad. Then I cheated again and again. Each time got easier Etc.
what I learned was if you start to cheat, it gets easier the more you do it and you do it until you are caught.
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