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Adult sibling rivalry...
#9170162
01/15/25 07:48 PM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 27,894
Creekrunner
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and material possessions. We're moving my 88-year-old mother-in-law to a house closer to us. The mother-in-law is excited and packing up and giving stuff away.  My wife's bi-polar (undiagnosed that we know of, but it's obvious), 70-year-old sister basically wants everything. If my wife shows the slightest interest, this woman wants it. And, of course, she also acts like the superior Christian.  This woman needs to move out of state to be closer to one of her 4 grown sons. I feel like gagging her and checking her as baggage on a plane to one of their cities. We're not talking about a house full of precious antiques. My in-laws barely had a pot to piss in. I know there are families that handle their parents' possessions dispersal, whether before or after their death, with class and perspective, but I don't think it's anywhere near the norm. So what are some crazy stories y'all have experienced? I've heard of one woman in south Texas going through her parents' house and anything she didn't want she piled in the front yard and burned, just to keep it from her siblings. They didn't burn anything, but I've lived through something similar with one of my brother's family. I've got lots of crazy stories about them involving wanting something to an obsessive state. I do like my "stuff", but I in no way think it makes you happy. Hit me -
...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170165
01/15/25 07:56 PM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 30,794
Sneaky
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I’ve never dealt with it, and I never will.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170173
01/15/25 08:21 PM
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,002
BassBuster1
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My wife's family(her mom, aunts, uncle) basically destroyed over a far less than $100,000 dollar estate. It was sad and has been sad ever since. It is just stuff...I told my kids if they fight over any of my stuff when I am dead I will haunt their butts!
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170176
01/15/25 08:24 PM
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,840
Walkabout
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I was the executor for my mother’s small estate after she passed. Younger brother and sister who is extreme bipolar diagnosed but stopped meds. Took 4 years to finally close. You have no idea what is about to happen to you when your MIL passes. Get an iron clad detailed will completed and buckle up.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170179
01/15/25 08:29 PM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 72,991
NORML as can be
^^Cut the Cord^^
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^^Cut the Cord^^
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My wife's sister has taken care of everything with their parents and kept all the good stuff for herself because my wife's not a fighter and let her have what she wanted.
(R-TX) .-- " TCNN CURL CRLB AYR SNDL CGC TLRY MSOS "
_=====___=________==-
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Sneaky]
#9170188
01/15/25 08:38 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 68,097
SnakeWrangler
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I’ve never dealt with it, and I never will. Welcome to my world right now…..
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170191
01/15/25 08:40 PM
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 18,714
Jimbo1
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Grandparents had it in their will the house must be sold. I was in Korea when they passed. Don’t remember what happened to all the “stuff” but sure would have loved to have the old tools. When my mom passed, my sister was in control of everything. Mom died in a nursing home so there was only a savings account to divide. My sister and SIL are very well off so she said I could have it. I didn’t feel right taking any so I suggested we divide it up between the grand kids. Wife and I recently completed a will with everything worked out in writing.
Awake - Not Woke!
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170220
01/15/25 09:12 PM
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 9,775
freerange
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We had no problems at all. I know everyone didnt get everything they wanted but who is used to getting everything they want, anyway?
At some point in life its time to quit chasing the pot of gold and just enjoy the rainbow. FR Keep your gratitude higher than your expectations. RWH
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170221
01/15/25 09:12 PM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 22,608
Texas Dan
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My college roommate managed Trust accounts for many years and has shared some unbelievable stories that relate to how sibling heirs will fight over what's left behind. And many times, it's not that someone wants something but that they don't want a sibling to get it.
One involved three sisters and two pairs of scissors that had been left behind in a safety deposit box along with some investment documents. Yes, one of the sisters asked why she didn't get a pair of scissors. When my roommate told her could break one of the pair in two, she agreed to take the leftover paper clips.
"When the debate is lost, insults become the tool of the loser."
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170231
01/15/25 09:23 PM
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 114
Bois D'arc
Woodsman
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Woodsman
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I had a great aunt with no children pass and in the will the belongings in the house were to be sorted and auctioned in a family only auction, then her nieces and nephews split the cash equally. All went great till a distant cousin showed up with a significant other that was an antiques dealer and proceeded to treat the family auction like storage wars. I wasn't mad though. I got all the guns while she was still alive. I just hung out while everyone else bid on what was effectively junk imo.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170234
01/15/25 09:28 PM
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Joined: Sep 2022
Posts: 1,039
duffas
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I might want to look 'down' on the fight.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Bois D'arc]
#9170241
01/15/25 09:37 PM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 22,608
Texas Dan
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I had a great aunt with no children pass and in the will the belongings in the house were to be sorted and auctioned in a family only auction, then her nieces and nephews split the cash equally. All went great till a distant cousin showed up with a significant other that was an antiques dealer and proceeded to treat the family auction like storage wars. I wasn't mad though. I got all the guns while she was still alive. I just hung out while everyone else bid on what was effectively junk imo. IMO, there's no shame whatsoever in paying a family member the fair market value for a firearm before they pass, rather than having to deal with the fighting that may come later. In fact, you may end up keeping something in the family that might otherwise end up in a pawn shop who knows where. If you want it, buy it while you can rather than being cheap and hoping you'll end up with it later.
Last edited by Texas Dan; 01/15/25 09:39 PM.
"When the debate is lost, insults become the tool of the loser."
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Texas Dan]
#9170251
01/15/25 09:48 PM
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 114
Bois D'arc
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 114 |
I had a great aunt with no children pass and in the will the belongings in the house were to be sorted and auctioned in a family only auction, then her nieces and nephews split the cash equally. All went great till a distant cousin showed up with a significant other that was an antiques dealer and proceeded to treat the family auction like storage wars. I wasn't mad though. I got all the guns while she was still alive. I just hung out while everyone else bid on what was effectively junk imo. IMO, there's no shame whatsoever in paying a family member the fair market value for a firearm before they pass, rather than having to deal with the fighting that may come later. In fact, you may end up keeping something in the family that might otherwise end up in a pawn shop who knows where. If you want it, buy it while you can rather than being cheap and hoping you'll end up with it later. It's even better than that. I was a teen at the time and I cut her grass regularly and refused money. She just gave them to me one day and said they're yours.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170255
01/15/25 09:52 PM
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,481
71Rcode
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I told my brother that there's not one thing in my parents house that I would fight to own. I have not told my sister that yet. She's the executor. We would divide any of the assets and the sale of the home three ways and that will not be a problem. My brother lives near them and has been watching over them, so if anything, he gets priority over whatever in my book. Unlike me my dad does not have this crazy outdoors / DIY hobby.
In our trust and will my boys divide everything in half. They are tight they will be no problems. However I don't know who they're going to marry, but as many times as we've talked about it, they better be sane, right thinking Christian ladies
NRA Life Member & GOA Member Always interested in Marlins. Let me know what you have for sale!
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170263
01/15/25 09:59 PM
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 20,336
Judd
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I've seen it and if something happened to my wife and I...her family would be a disaster. I've tried to sit down and develop a plan w/ the wife but she just doesn't want to talk/think like that...so I've taken the opinion, I'll be gone so why do I care? There isn't kids involved, I just hate to see folks who have never worked for anything get stuff I've worked my donkey off for (not her whole family but those would be the ones who would bitch the loudest)....but oh well...
My parents are still alive and grandparents stuff went pretty smooth really. My sister and I aren't what I would consider real close BUT we wouldn't argue about stuff. I think my parents really only have one thing that I have got to have and that is the first rifle I ever built I gave to my Dad and my sister would never keep me from getting that back. Otherwise, she can have it all...when that happens, my sister is the only family I'll have left and no possession is worth fracturing the relationship we do have.
Sorry Creek and good luck to your wife!
Don't let your ears hear what your eyes didn't see, and don't let your mouth say what your heart doesn't feel As much as I hate to admit it, I do like my truck
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170271
01/15/25 10:09 PM
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,803
Ox190
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Luckily I was my mom's only child so settling her estate was fairly easy. My dad had split up anything he had (which wasn't much) between my half brother and myself before he passed. I can't imagine having to deal with that kind of stuff while grieving.
"There has never been an occasion where a people gave up their weapons in the interest of peace that didn't end in their massacre." Louis L'Amour
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170298
01/15/25 10:45 PM
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 15,777
Hudbone
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Leo had five brothers and a sister. When the last parental unit passed and at the funeral, no one could understand how the sister was not present. It caught everyone off guard. After the service, they went to the parents' home only to find it completely empty.
Last edited by Hudbone; 01/15/25 11:51 PM.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170302
01/15/25 10:46 PM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 34,987
bigbob_ftw
Big Sprocket Bob
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Big Sprocket Bob
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 34,987 |
My sister and I never have issues between us.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170367
01/16/25 12:27 AM
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 6,832
angus1956
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Throw a little money or belongings on the table between family or friends and it can go south real fast. Been there and seen it. Bunch of sad SOB's out there.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170371
01/16/25 12:33 AM
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 17,085
603Country
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If you have siblings, you already know who you can trust to be fair. I’ve observed some very sad things when relatives died. Of course, it’s not always that bad. I have two sisters, and one was a huge disappointment when our Mom died. We brothers already knew she was greedy. She proved us right.
Not my monkeys, not my circus...
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170373
01/16/25 12:36 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 33,491
txtrophy85
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I have a sister who I get along with.
That said, she can have everything when my mom passes. Whatever property, insurance, cash assets, etc. I don’t want it.
For it is not the quarry that we truly seek, but the adventure.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170374
01/16/25 12:40 AM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 27,894
Creekrunner
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Dad bought a Win. '73 in .44-40 (octagon barrel) from a guy at work. Next brother acted real "meh" about it. He stressed that there was no hurry to divide Dad's stuff when he died, Mom was still alive and at home, etc. But guess which rifle disappeared within about the first week?
...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170471
01/16/25 03:31 AM
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 40,619
redchevy
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Glad to still have my folks hopefully for much longer. I got no concerns with my brother, we have always gotten along.
It's hell eatin em live
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170487
01/16/25 04:25 AM
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Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 2,739
rolyat.nosaj
Veteran Tracker
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The topic already pisses me off because I know my brother and his kids will take everything they can while I live 6 hours away. What bothers me is that I know how they are and what little regard they have for others. The "stuff" really has no value but the disrespect is what gets me. My mom passed and they tried to take things and my dad had to tell them to stop. I can only imagine after he goes. I was always the dad kid and my brother the mom kid so I think when the time starts to get close and might be able to see it, hopefully, and can go to help him. None if really matters I suppose but it still gets me upset.
Last edited by rolyat.nosaj; 01/16/25 04:27 AM.
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Re: Adult sibling rivalry...
[Re: Creekrunner]
#9170503
01/16/25 05:05 AM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 30,794
Sneaky
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I’m thankful to have the sibling that I have. She really is the best.
Even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t ever get caught up in this nonsense. All I want is my grandfather’s sidearm that he carried through three wars. If my sister wanted it more than me, she could have it. No possession is worth any of this.
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