He just turned 89 in October and the miles are starting to catch up. Age, high blood pressure, being primary errand boy at house, all the things that creep up. He isn't as steady as in his youth, he has been battling shingles,his drive to do his regular things have declined, and he is taking tumbles at times that aren't going to get easier. Had couple trips to ER due to unknown BP going through the roof (190-200/ 90 range) and signs of dementia are heavy, guessing around stage 4-5. Made the ER trip yesterday and you could see the fear confusion in his face and was getting irritable as we went. Get him home after about 5 hours and took my son and myself to get him in house and secured. Talked to step mother earlier and told her changes are in near future and one step I took was to go to shop and secure gun safe to keep him or anybody else from poor decisions. He is getting gullible and has some assets he doesn't need to brag about or offer, these assets may be need in the near future. Their future may impact my future as far as retirement date/age but will handle that when we get there. Mentioned to family about some legal things that we may have to handle with current events so end of year could be bumpier than I like. Wish me and family the best.

Will offer up a prayer for you and family.

BTDT

Very sorry to hear and your family has my prayers. 'Been through it with my mom and I understand about not needing to advertise assets. I was fortunate in that she was always so paranoid of someone taking advantage of her that she kept her guard up to the end; no chance of some scam over the phone getting her. I do think elderly men are more trusting than ladies, especially if the words are coming out of a pretty, young female. That's our flaw. The hard discussions now can help avoid even harder (or impossible) discussions later.

Good move on the gun safe. My father-in-law never had dementia, but when he went on hospice, I went to the house and unloaded all the firearms and secured the safe. His little semi-auto pistol, that he'd lost the strength to rack the slide on, had one in the chamber. Bi-polar sister-in-law accused me of stealing one. I blew my top sky high and she's given me a wide berth ever since, so it was a win-win.

It will be tough most days.

Having responded to thousands of calls to men and women in that situation, some advice I can give. Make sure the house has clear paths to walk everywhere. Some houses have furniture creating narrow paths, and it makes people fall. He also needs to always wear footwear that provides good grip on the floor. A walker is usually necessary. And one that also has a seat on it are the best to have. Grab bars by the toilet and all around and in the shower are a must have. The bed needs to be at a height where it is not too tall and not too low to the ground. It needs to be at the same height as the back of his knees, maybe just a tad higher.

Best wishes to you sir.

My mother passed away this year and my dad had a heart attack and back surgery a few months after. He lives alone and can barely manage. Everyone lives far away so the impact is felt for all of us that travel to help him. My dad doesn't have any savings, the house is old and keeps breaking. It's tough watching your parents get old.

It's a tough time. Many of us have been there and wish you peace and strength on your journey.

We're moving my 88-year-old mother-in-law from 45+ minutes away (IF there isn't a wreck on I10) to 2 miles away from our house. As we get closer the "what have we done" feeling gets stronger, but I still know it's the right thing to do.

God bless you for being on top of this situation. Not sure of his financial status but there are very good memory care homes (not nursing) who specialize in this care. I had to put my sister and her husband in separate MC Houses. The care was VERY good. I'm sure there are some out west but here is the man I used; he specializes in finding these homes and is paid by the homes not you. Paul Markowitz 214-929-5055. Tell him Buzz Skinner refed you. It was in 2017, but he may remember me,
PM me if you want to talk about it.

Good shoes… not something I commonly hear but my wife’s grandmother is going through a shoulder replacement after a fall where she broke it, caused by a shoe with sole pealing off. 5 years ago she broke her elbow in a tumble… what do you know same cause.

OP I wish you and your family the best.

Aging parents is a tough deal. Dad is 89 and had to put him in a memory care facility, mom is 88 and heading there fast. At least I still have them.

It's tough going RLoving, going through the same with my Dad and we went through this my FIL earlier this year. We are struggling with keeping Dad independent and in his daily routines as long as possible. I've always heard that upsetting their routines at this stage is very hard on them. Eventually he will have to go in memory care. Wish you the best working through this and getting your Dad the right care.

A couple of recommendations if possible with the step mother:

A medical power of attorney
A statutory power of attorney
DNRs if wanted
Becoming an owner on the bank/financial accounts
Talk to attorney about shielding assets and nursing home costs.

https://guides.sll.texas.gov/powers-of-attorney

https://texaslawhelp.org/article/powers-of-attorney-fact-sheet

Thanks guys all good directions! I'm less than 2 miles away from them so I can beat 911 response most times! Step mom has poor eyesight and told her just because he thinks something doesn't mean you should cave to him, stall him and let someone else interject with outside logic. Don't want to remove vehicle keys but this area is not driver friendly to folks with issues. I'm sure he will throw a shoe when he discovers shop and gun safe locked. First family member that mentions it being his stuff then they better have a better solution or I'm going to be suspicious of them, don't want that being the case. Want to catch a lucid moment and approach him about future security plans. The group replies and support put a lump in my throat! Bless this bunch!

Wishing the best for you and pops.
Hope you have certain things in place already like power-of-attorney, medical-power-of-attorney, dnr-order, livingwill, and the such.
89 has been a pretty good run - a lot of my relatives have barely made it to mid 70's, though a grandfather and aunt each made it to 100.
Have an uncle living in assisted-living and have to watch him like a hawk to keep him from giving-away what little savings he has left - his SS doesn't cover his monthly expenses.

Man, I feel for you after going through something similar. The hardest thing that I ever had to do was look my Dad in the eye and tell him that I needed to have him declared incompetent. I was very glad that I had that power of attorney because he was making very bad, and dangerous decisions.

Prayers sent for you and your family

Went through it with my Dad until he passed. And my wife and I are now two of the caretakers for my Mom. She has early Alzheimers but still functions well enough to stay at home with a family member or friend visiting to make meals, walk, meds, clean house ect. twice a day. If not already, I would recommend a family meeting to talk about make sure things oldoad2000 mentioned get done or planned. And J.G.s advice is just as important. It might be too early for your situation, but something we did that has greatly helped is put a ring camera on the front door and main living area that only us caretakers have access to. If something looks wrong or someone who should not be there is at the door we live close and can get there quick. Something I did not do, but wish I had thought of early on when it was too soon to take the car keys away but knew it was coming, was slip an airtag into the car just in case. We had a day we were not prepared for when my Mom got lost in her car and refused to let anyone on the phone help her find her way back. After I tactfully talked her back home by mixing directions in with a normal conversation, that of course was also the last day she was allowed to drive. Sorry for what your going through, but it is good that you are there for him. As J.G. and I have experienced in our careers, we see a lot of people in your Dad's situation who have no one.

I’m getting there. 81 and kinda forgetful. I call my wife, 11-years younger, my recollector. It’s mostly short term memory. She makes sure I take my meds. She recently went out of town for 3 days with a bunch of friends. 2 daughters and a grandson were hovering. I left with some rifles and headed to my rural property to do some shooting and fishing.

Arthritis has hit me In the back, legs, feet and thumbs. Im fighting the physical stuff by going to a close city park and walking a one mile oval track daily when in town. Do the squeeze springs for hand strength.

The forgetfulness? I have lunch monthly with about 20 people that I graduated from high school with in 1960. We’ve talked about it and a lot of us have that problem. Had a brain scan. No physical problems and I can’t live long enough to get Alzheimer’s with no sign at this time.

And yet, I attended 7 different schools in 12 years. (military father). I remember each of them and a lot of the teachers.

I have an Associates degree, BBA and MBA. Don’t remember much of it. Wasted time.

Now, where was I going with this?

Kinda update. After all this starting last Saturday dad was home and improving next couple of day. Tuesday on phone he sounded great and was getting around on his on. My son was off for week and he drove the folks to doctor to see what they think and investigate the episode. He drives jeep Rubicon so for ease he was going to shuttle in their F150. dad comes out and has spring in his step and full of zest and proclaims he wants to go in the jeep! My son thought this idea was FUBAR but went with it anyway. Son sat in waiting room while dr and step mom were in back , they called him to the back for help and dads health had turned horrible! This all started yesterday about 10 am, by 11 he was back in ER and had another CT ran and they did MRI and results came in today and it's a series of frontal temporal strokes! My holidays are not great guys, pray and give thanks for who/what you have! I laid down last night at 9:30 after 40 hours straight zero sleep so still punch drunk myself waiting for this event to soak in. Headed back to hospital for Thanksgiving.

Wishing you and your family all the best in these difficult times.

Hang in there. Good thing they’ve got a diagnosis to work with.

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Prayers for your dad, your mom, you, and his medical team.

This is a fact that I am pleased with, the issue is diagnosed now they can work on solution or what to expect and prepare for.

If you have any questions about "things to anticipate" on estate planning for your parents, please feel free to call or email me. I don't mind spending 15-20 minutes on a phone call for a TFFer or THFer for such matters.

Sorry to hear RL, hope you are doing okay. Y'all hang in there, bout all you can do.

I’m that Dad and Grandpa. About to be 82 manana and getting kinda forgetful. Wife, 12 years younger, takes care of a lot of stuff. She generally drives. When she goes out of town with friends, the daughters and grandkids hover. So, I head to my rural property South of Bowie, do some shooting, fishing and 4 wheeling. I appreciate the concern, know it helps, but want to do things my way..