Forums46
Topics538,595
Posts9,738,977
Members87,095
|
Most Online25,604 Feb 12th, 2024
|
|
|
Funny Electric Fence Story
#8178172
02/20/21 07:57 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 14,034
John2
OP
THF Celebrity
|
OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 14,034 |
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of sh*t lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of [censored] chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Dang!, I think, as I remember I just filled the tank. Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted. 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not theleft, just the right). 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4 - My left eye will not open. 5 - My right eye will not close. 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
Not all those that wander are lost..
Back The Men in Blue that wears a badge
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178184
02/20/21 08:07 PM
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,804
dogcatcher
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,804 |
Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back. _____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178185
02/20/21 08:08 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 32,538
kmon11
junior
|
junior
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 32,538 |
lf the saying "Liar, Liar your pants on fire" were true Mainstream news might be fun to watch
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178337
02/20/21 10:53 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 557
Rglover
Tracker
|
Tracker
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 557 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178518
02/21/21 01:18 AM
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,022
Bar-D
Veteran Tracker
|
Veteran Tracker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,022 |
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178769
02/21/21 05:44 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 19,169
TCM3
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 19,169 |
Do not forget to entertain strangers, For by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels Hebrews 13:2 (R-TX)
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178850
02/21/21 01:00 PM
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,531
1955
Extreme Tracker
|
Extreme Tracker
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,531 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8178905
02/21/21 02:19 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416 |
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8179722
02/22/21 02:12 AM
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,067
Okiedog
Pro Tracker
|
Pro Tracker
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,067 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8180596
02/22/21 10:48 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,363
Biscuit
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,363 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8181452
02/23/21 07:41 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,185
hook_n_line
THF Trophy Hunter
|
THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,185 |
Sometimes it's hard being me! But somebody has to do it.
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8181601
02/23/21 10:31 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 12,900
PMK
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 12,900 |
I can somewhat relate to that story from finding a broken wire from my electric fence around the adjoining 10 acres I rotated horses and cattle on years ago and it was also a very hot charger with deep ground rod and waist deep johnson grass.
"everyone that lives dies but not everyone who dies lived..."
~PMK~
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8182262
02/24/21 01:40 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,173
TXHOGSLAYER
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,173 |
LETS GO BRANDON
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8182836
02/24/21 09:28 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,867
DannyB
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,867 |
Tears................
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8183878
02/25/21 07:34 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 570
turkeytrack10
Tracker
|
Tracker
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 570 |
Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty.Thomas Jefferson Apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom. "Seal the borders,stop the flow of undocumented Democrats" Life Member NRA
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8185408
02/27/21 03:07 AM
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 217
Daniel Boone
Woodsman
|
Woodsman
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 217 |
Certainly brings back memories for me. During a torrential downpour one night, I went outside to get the extension cord that powered the hot fence out front up off of the ground. What I did not know is that my bird dog pup had chewed a big section of insulation from the extension cord. As I was stretching out the cord, I came across the chewed up section. It felt like somebody hit me in the head with a 2 X 4. To this day, I am scared to death of hot fences.
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8186292
02/28/21 02:40 AM
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 69,318
NORML as can be
^^Cut the Cord^^
|
^^Cut the Cord^^
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 69,318 |
(R-TX) .-- " TCNN CURL CRLB VFF VRNO AYR SNDL CGC TLRY MSOS "
_=====___=________==-
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8195607
03/07/21 11:18 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,376
Blank
THF Trophy Hunter
|
THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,376 |
Beer and whiskey, 'cause you can't drink bacon!!
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8195628
03/07/21 11:50 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,543
SnakeWrangler
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,543 |
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: Blank]
#8196106
03/08/21 01:45 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,363
Biscuit
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,363 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8211501
03/23/21 03:18 AM
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,089
J Loves Huntin
Pro Tracker
|
Pro Tracker
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,089 |
If you look back over your life are you fully satisfied you pleased the Maker of Creation. Are you fully assured that you have trusted in His Son, Jesus Christ, for your salvation. Are you confident that you have a definite hope of going to Heaven?
EMT-B
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8222152
04/01/21 03:32 PM
|
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,531
1955
Extreme Tracker
|
Extreme Tracker
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,531 |
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8222172
04/01/21 03:47 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,842
Hunter-Steve
Pro Tracker
|
Pro Tracker
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,842 |
Dang that was funny to read. Glad you survived to write about it.
|
|
|
Re: Funny Electric Fence Story
[Re: John2]
#8222303
04/01/21 05:17 PM
|
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 641
intohunting
Tracker
|
Tracker
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 641 |
Based on a true story.
|
|
|
Moderated by bigbob_ftw, CCBIRDDOGMAN, Chickenman, Derek, DeRico, Duck_Hunter, hetman, jeh7mmmag, JustWingem, kmon11, kry226, kwrhuntinglab, Payne, pertnear, rifleman, sig226fan (Rguns.com), Superduty, TreeBass, txcornhusker
|