Words of wisdom from you're friendly state troopers…..


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

You better stay a cop cause you would starve as a comedian.

Not a cop, just thought it was funny.
However, you would make it as a convict.

Well I guess take me in.

An old one from way back.

"You may be able to outrun my patrol car, but you can't outrun my Motorola"

The way I heard it was: "You may can beat my old Chevrolet, but you can't beat my two-way"

It was a long time ago and I was having a hard time remembering the exact words. I first heard it from a DPS radio tech and he always used "Motorola". Back then, all the PS radios were Motorolas. Lots of changes.

I think what I am remembering was lyrics from an old song. The author probably took your expression and changed it so that it would rhyme?

The guy I used to visit with drove a B/W that I guess had been retired from THP work. It had all kinds of antennas on it. He had lots of stories about dropping off hills in central Texas and causing brake lights to come on all down the valley.

hahaha I liked it, but I'm easily amused sometimes

Those are pretty good ones.

"Radio! It's faster than rubber."