Literally.

We use to park our atv's in the barn till we found out about the rat problem.... So i fire up the 4wheeler and two rats jump out. I waited another 30 sec or so and thought all was clear. So i backed out, headed up the hill towards camp when the grand daddy of all rats popped out and stuck to the inside of my leg. As i jump off shake of the rat, bike is running down the hill, I then find my ability to scream like a little girl. I turn around and am staring dead on with this rat as its approaching me full speed ahead. That sucker is coming for me, so I make an attempt to kick this thing as hard as possible, however, my big feet become tangled and now im rolling down the hill along with my 4 wheeler. Did i mention this hill is close to the barn where the cattle feed? Now im covered head to toe in cow mess and no clue where the 6ft rat ended up! This story usually circles over the campefire each year..everyone still gets a good laugh.

monster rat....

Was at a buddy's lease in Buffalo about 10 years ago. He had a contraption called, "bumper dumper", which was basically a toilet seat on a trailer hitch that you put a bucket with a bag underneath. It is what it sounds like and stayed at the lease when we left (typically). Picture:



Anyhow, our plan was to hunt one evening and then drive back to College Station and go straight to the bars. Right before we left, I kept his attention while his brother put bumper-dumper back on his truck, and he drove the 45 miles and then right up to the bar proudly displaying it.

"What's that toilet thing on your truck?"

Pretty funny watching his face as a bunch of girls asked the same question.

On a goose trip down around Wharton we stayed at a old high school buddy's house. The drink flowed heavily the night before. One friend in particular was drinking some cheap, sweet wine, and a bunch of it.

When we got up at 4:30 the next morning to go set out the decoys that particular buddy was still drunk and very hung over. Probably all that sugar in the wine.

While we were setting out decoys he had a strong and urgent bowel spasm that required immediate attention. He waddled off (butt clinched) a short distance into the darkness and pulled down his cover-alls (complete with hood) and relieved his shuddering bowels....right into the hood of his cover-alls. Problem was that he did not realize what he'd done until he had already put his cover-alls back on and rejoined our group.

Yeah, it was bad. Runny and smelly.

Several years ago I was on a large lease west of Sweetwater. It was mostly firemen from two neighboring departments and we shared a large rock camphouse. Though everyone got along, that did cause there to be two separate cliques. I was at the lease one night and planning to hunt the next morning. There were 5 or 6 guys from the other department staying in the house too. I was the only one from my department, so I stayed in one bedroom by myself and the the guys from the other department shared a couple rooms with bunkbeds

In the middle of the house was a long dinner table, sort of like a large picnic table in a large open room. One of the guys had brought an unopened package of Pecan Sandies and put them on the middle of the table.

We all went to bed, lights out, but a few minutes later I hear someone rustling in the Pecan sandies outside my door. The owner of the cookies gets up, turns on the light and finds some of the cookies gone and says real loud "alright guys, stay out of my cookies", and back to bed he goes. Lights out again.

A few minutes later, I hear the rustling in the cookies again, then hear the owner of the cookies run for the light switch. Again, more cookies are missing from the package. With a little more concern in his voice, again. "Y'all, stay out of my @%*& Cookies!". And sleepy mumbles come from everyone from his clique saying it was "not me", "not me either", and so on. Lights out again.

Yep, you guessed it, a few minutes later, rustling in the cookies. Everyone gets up and the lights come on. More cookies are gone. So all these guys surround my bed and proceed to tell me "This is not funny", "Not Cool!", "Stay out of the man's cookies", "He is going to kick your azz if you do it again". I had not left my bed and tell them so. They do not believe me.
They all go back to bed thinking it is over. I know it's not. Lights back out.

So I am think I am being set up by one of his friends as part of a prank, so I quietly slip over in the dark to the light switch in the big room and wait. Sure enough I hear someone in the cookies again as expected. I yell out loud. "Caught you!" as I flip on the switch.

I see a pack of some of the biggest rats I have ever seen. They are leaping from the table and running in all directions, each carrying it's own cookie.

I posted this several years ago.....but here goes

Well several years ago I was on a hunting lease just outside of Antelope. We always had a good time and the place was covered up with deer, hogs, turkey and all kinds of varmints. I actually got pretty good with both the slate and mouth turkey calls - and collected several Turkeys during the time I was there.

One of my friends was just going nuts trying to get a shot at a turkey but always went to his blind because it was deer season. His blind sat down in a draw about 600 yds from mine. Mine was on top of a hill overlooking two other draws but I could look out my back window and see his blind.

Late one evening I was just killing time and happened to look out my back window with my binocs and old Tom had the door open and was getting out of the blind. The devil got me again.

I cracked my back window and since the wind was blowing the right way I cut loose with my Turkey call. He almost killed himself trying to get back in the blind. For the next 45 minutes we played this cat & mouse game.

It gets better

Now we all got them 2 way VHF radios and since he hasn't caught on yet I start calling him on the radio and asking about the turkeys. He is now out of his mind looking all over, and everytime he opens the door on his blind here comes the "cluck"----"cluck cluck". It finally got dark and we got down & headed back to camp for a cold one.

We both have vehicles and the lease was rather large. I had to pick up my wife so Tom got back to camp 3 miles away before we did. My wife and I ate, mixed up one of them "Mary" things and went over to the campfire. Tom was standing around telling everyone about "them turkeys" that just wouldn't come out. In the blind, out of the blind, in the blind ......

I had my mouth call in my pocket and slipped it in my mouth and then "the devil got me again". Everytime he started talking about the turkeys......You got it - "cluck ---"cluck,cluck". Well after about three times, he gets this look on his face and then the light comes on...I am doing everything I can do to keep a straight face, but it just didn't work.... He still talks about it today

Enjoy.....

Me and my buddy took his nephew out to try and get some of the hogs that are tearing up the protein in Glasscock County about a month ago. He's in 2nd grade, and patience, well, it's just not his thing. So he asks us what we can do to get the hogs to come in. My buddy looks at his nephew and says "well jake, we have to call them". Jake looks at his uncle and says "how do we do that?" and his uncle says "well, what does a pig sound like?"... lil jake spends the next couple of hours oinking out the blind window. One of the funniest things I've seen.

Two weeks pass... We're back at the Glasscock Ranch and Jake asks his dad to take him out to try and get some hogs. His dad is VERY serious about his hunting and doesnt really tolerate any funny business and especially making sounds while in the blind. He barges into both of our rooms around 4am madder than a bag of cats wanting to know which of us taught his son how to "call" pigs. The laugh was worth the rude awakening.

thats awesome!

great stories guys keep them coming!

Some years ago, we were out on a lease near abiline. We had been doing some bird/hog hunting and had seen quite a few yotes running around. This was a large peace of land with a old two story abandoned house on it sitting on top of a ridge. You could go in and crawl through a window that opened bout 1'x1'. So it was a tight squeeze but you could crawl out onto the roof and had a perfect view to probably 500 yards out in every direction. So we sat the call out about 100 yeards climbed out and set up to start calling in some coyotes. Now remember no one had lived in this house in years. So we are sitting out there, the roof is probably 18 feet off the ground. Rifles laid out, both set up with harris pods and glassing the landscape looking for movement. When all of a sudden my friend jerks his head back like he had been shot right in between the eyes. I look over at him and there is a honey bee going to town right between his eyes. About the time he pulls it out we here the loudest humming/buzzing noise I have ever heard. Look up and there is a ball of bees so thick you cant see the sky all above us. Then they started hitting us, the window was about 15 feet away so I take off running dive threw the small gap head first and take all the skin off my shins, turn around to close the window behind him when he comes threw and all I see is his boots flipping over the side of the roof. So I slam the window run down the stairs and see him outside doing some crazy azz dance high tailing it for the truck, then they were on me (left the down stairs door open) So here we are rolling around, screaming like little girls, getting lit up by some of the most agrresive bees, that must of been straight from hell itself. We finally make it to the truck, luckily we both had on pretty good layers of camo, so most stingers were stuck in the clothes. Drive 100 yards to call, get out to get it, BAM they are on us again. Needless to say, for that 100 yards i bet we looked like a couple fools.


That leads to this, the next weekend, we are bass fishing on lake anthens, and all I have thought about all week are bees. So I am standing there putting on sun screen and I hear a buzz and then something nails me in the back of the head. Without thinking I jump right in the water, sun screen, wallet, clothes, phone and all. Come up and my buddy is laughing his azz off... turns out it was a dragon fly.

A post that I made into another thread made me think of this event, which only falls into the "funny" catagory because the guy wasn't killed as a result.

I have a very dear friend who is clearly outstanding with wood tools in his hands, but knows absolutely nothing about electricity.

So one day I drive into camp and find a new, high-intensity yard light attached to the light pole. I noticed the light was directly connected to the service wires on the pole, so I asked my friend how the hell he connected that light without gettting killed. He quickly advised me that he had turned off the breakers in the old farm house before connecting it. Okay, now I'm really interested because I know turning off the house breakers didn't kill to power on those service wires. So I asked him, "Just how did you get up there to connect that light?"

It was then that he told me his ladder was too short, and that he needed to stand it in the back a utility trailer to make it reach the light and wires. Well, you know what they say about the Good Lord looking after children and idiots. I explained to him that it was a damn good thing his ladder was too short, otherwise I would have found him laying in the yard. The tires on the trailer, steel belts and all, evidently proetected him from the service voltage.

No, this wasn't a case of someone trying to steal electricity, because the next Monday he called to power company to come out and install a light for him. Like so many people, he just didn't know and made some very poor assumptions about electricity.

A few years back I was hunting with a buddy of mine and his grandpa that is about 65yrs old and cant see much past about 60yrds..So we decided to do another prank on him and I get "Old Bucky" from a good friend of mine that is a game warden..That night that we got to camp we told him granpa we would be right back that we were gonna go set some hog traps..We'll we went out and stuck Bucky behind his feeder back in the brush with his head sticking out, witch had 165 rack on it...went back to camp and next morning took granpa to his stand to drop him off and we left and came back before day light and sat in the brush watching him in the stand..About the time you could see good here comes the barrel out the window and im about to lose it from laughing so hard..We'll granpa always carried to clips..So we sit little longer then bam then bam then bam then all of a sudden we hear him put the other clip in and unloads 3 more by that time I lost it laughing so hard I was hurting, he starts cusing and gets out of the stand..He sneaks up makeing a real slow stock on bucky and gets about 30yrds from bucky I take the remote and make his tail start moving he aims and shots again..Finally he was out of bullets and we yell at him you get him..He yells back I think hes dead standing up and lets go look at him, we finally get up to him and he sees its a decoy..It was a great laugh..

I was talking to a rancher (friend of my FIL) and he said one of his hunters said he saw a ton of baby quail around his feeder. They would fly into the feeder in big flocks, then just fly off.

Turns out the numbnuts doesnt know the difference between SPARROWS and quail...lol.

He's got some real winners on that place. Most are trashed by noon, and you can always tell when they're in because the CO. roads are covered in beer cans.

Back when we hunted west Texas a few years ago there was a young guy on our lease that had never hunted before.He went ba... to the wall buying this or that,hunting related products.Well my brother had an old,old mule deer mount that was in sorry shape so we decided to mount it on a cedar tree looking right at his feeder.We were down a couple of weeks before gun season when we did this.Opening morning and everyone is in on the joke but him.First light, kaboom!Kaboom!Kaboom!kaboom!Kaboom! we could hear the shots and everyone I'm sure is just dieing laughing.Not him.I don't think I have ever seen someone so pi..ed off in my life,he was so mad that he packed up his stuff and left.The next time we came down we found blinds destroyed,guy wires cut,you name it.He was in law school at Tech so he was about an hour or so from the lease.He later nearly killed himself hog hunting in Aspermont,when using a revolver,ALWAYS rest the hammer on an empty cylinder,he didn't,he jumped out of the truck,hit the hammer and the gun went off and blew him through the gut and out his anus.He wore a colostamy bag after that incident.That part isn't funny but him shooting that mount in the head 5 times sure was.

Good times for sure,did it cut it off plumb?

One time we were hog hunting in East Texas and one of the kids had to taker a crap so we gave him the bucket and told him to go to the other side of the truck. Once he unhooked his overalls and was squated a grabbed a stick and snuck under the truck. A couple seconds later and went to screaming like all get out and my buddy started shooting his pistol and screaming. He cleared about 25 yards and two trucks in no time screaming like a little girl, doing all of this without pulling his overalls up! It was hilarious, never laughed so much in my life!!!

thats just wrong but funny!

here is another on about my uncle! one time he was driving to the lease and hit a deer and flipped his truck. he was ok but was always real skiddish when driving at night after that by the lease. so one night we are driving down to the lease and i notice he is asleep. so as soon we top this hill i start screaming and jerking the steering wheel back and forth. he starts screaming like a little girl and wakes up as paniced as you can get. i guess in the end the joke was on me because right after he woke up screaming he threw up all over my dash!!!! it wasnt pretty!

Several years ago during spring turkey season me and my cousin were walking down a trail when we see a 3 ft. rattle snake, I shot the snake in the head with rat shot and then cut the head off with my pocket knife. Later on I through it in the back of the pick up because I was going to skin it out later. That evening when we were packing up to go home my cousin was in the tailer packing his bag and I was outside,I then grabbed the snake and coiled it up on the ground by the passenger side door as I was the one driving home. He came out of the trailer rounded the truck jumped in the air,through his bag down and turned pale. He didnt think it was too funny but I laughed til I couldnt hardley breath.

This happened on a hunt in Montana...

The Toilet Monster

I was elk hunting in Montana about 25 years ago staying in an old miners cabin built in the 1920's. Well, after supper one night it was time for the daily constitutional. I grabbed the Coleman lantern and headed out into the minus ten degree temperature to the outhouse.

I got to the outhouse and set the lantern down on the bench of the one holer, and proceded to lower my coveralls, then my jeans, then my longjohns and finally my drawers. Once this was all sufficiently out of the way I opened up the lid to the sitter and out jumps this black hairy thing. It knocks over the lantern and commences to running in circles around the inside of the outhouse (the door is shut) so fast I can't tell what it is. I'm spinning around with all my clothes dropped below my knees trying to figure this thing out. I just knew for sure the Toilet Monster was going to get me. Mom always said "Don't spend so much time in the bathroom or the Toilet Monster will get you." I thought she was kidding.

It's spinning, I'm spinning, the lanterns on the floor... Well it didn't take long to figure that one of us has to get out of here. I got the door open and out it ran. Contrary to the popular reasoning being scared did not help with my daily constitutional but had the exact opposite effect. You might say I was scared xxxxless.

I pulled everything back up, grabbed the lantern off the floor and headed back to the cabin. They all said I looked like I had seen a ghost. I may have, I still didn't know what it was. It took two more hours before the need to go back out there overcame my lack of courage. I grabbed the lantern and my Ruger Single Six and went back to an uneventful but hurried constitutional.

The next day I discoverd a hole had been dug under the side of the outhouse allowing access. I guess when it is 10 below even a xxxxhole adds comfort. Later that day I found who the culprit was. I saw a black cat hanging around the cabin. This cabin is on 27 acres of private land surrounded by the National Forest and the city folks come out to the NF and let their cats loose when they don't know what to do with them. So it was a Feral Cat that caused all the commotion. To this day the first thing I do when I go in an outhouse is open the lid and check inside.

This past February two of my good friends went out to the lease on a friday night to do some pig hunting. I had to work that day so decided to drive out that night. My best friend had been texting me and knew i was coming out but didnt tell my other buddy i was. Well my buddy had tied into some whiskey that evening and passed out around 7pm and was still sleeping when i arrived. We decided we would scare the crap out of him so when i arrived i parked by the dump on our lease about 300 yards from our camp. We walk to the truck where my buddy is sleeping and my knowing friend hops in the truck to wake him up while i hide behind a 55gallon barrel that sits next to our fire pit. Well there are no lights on at camp so it is pitch black in the middle of the woods. My buddy slowly awakes still tipsy and hops out of the truck slowly. Im wearing black coveralls hidden in the dark. My knowing friend suggests my buddy to go get a cigarette which are sitting next to the fire pit. As he slowly walks to the pit i sling the barrel over scaring the living crap out of him and take off running. He lets out a ear piercing scream and runs straight for me. Didnt expect that to happen so i high tail it while we are yelling at him its just me man its just me. He chased me for a good 75ft before realizing it and stopping. We still to this day have no clue what he was gonna try to do he said he had no idea what i was but was gonna kill whatever it was. Thank god we stopped him! hahaha it to this day is our funniest prank at the lease.

My buds and I started on a new lease last year near El Dorado. Our first day to set up in the late spring we made the long 5 hour drive from the metroplex and decided to "mark our territory" by our dear 80 year old female land owners front gate as we had arrived. As the 3 of us are standing their doing our thing I look up to notice about 10 feet away the game camera hidden in the tree facing directly at us. It was there so she could monitor who comes and goes. Of course we all tried to turn around and move out of range while full stream in that humiliating walk of "I cant stop peeing". I hope she didnt have it on full auto or video. I still can't look her in the face.

Going to the ranch this weekend with a couple of buddies. Taking my stuffed skunk. I'll post up Monday what happens.

Mr. Clean had a few too many cocktails last year at the lease and had been giving my son a bit too much crap throughout the night, He passed out in the bunk in his underwear, my son caught a big, old toad and put it in his underwear. Clean moaned every once in awhile, rubbed himself once in a awhile, (must have been a nice dream), finally woke up and found the toad, which pissed in his underwear. He threw it against the wall and went back to sleep. Now we have a gay toad on the lease that was violated but still alive by Clean.