First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Collin County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"... which has no beginning and no end. (IT REALLY DOESN'T!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had so much fun with that we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!"

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is either a factory defect or an "outsider."

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators, and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road.. all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman.

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed. (And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.)

If you're on Cedar Springs, yes, those are guys holding hands.
Stop in and have a beer, if you set by someone of the same sex, they will probably buy it for you. You can figure out the rest.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST

NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.

LBJ Freeway is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on.

If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is springtime the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is springtime, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round. If it is autumn, then the State Fair is in full swing.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2,500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

And don't ask anyone about their commute if they live within 50 miles of the metroplex, it's just makes em more stressed, and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers.

Remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST

I can say that this one really confused me a few years ago when I attended a Petroskills class in Dallas. I found out that the nos. of interstates there did not mean a thing. Everywhere else I have been, even meant east/west and odd nos. meant north/south. Learning experience for sure.

And for Cedar Springs, if you meet a girl in the area, she's hiding something from you.

That's some good info.

For the Dallas old timers the comment about get on Beltline used to be get on Loop 12.

Also for the new comers that can't figure out why 635 is call LBJ, it is the local city street signs that identify it the road. All of the locals use that name.

Skillman and Abrams used to cross twice even though they roughly parallel each other.

There was no mention of the Turnpike but that is probably a little to long ago. The winding off ramps still exist without the toll booths.

LOL I still tell folks that want to go to Ft Worth take loop 12 to the turn pike..

By the way George Bush is not a FREEWAY. I spend about $30 a week on it

This is all so true.

As a 49 year old Dallasite that grew up in Oak Cliff(I know I know, try not to hold that against me,Stevie Ray grew up there too)you definitely hit the nail spot on my brother!