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Getting this off my chest. #8467704 12/06/21 06:34 AM
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I recently went to the deer lease that my dad is on and has been a yearly trip for the last couple years. Normally we are by our selves but this year there were a few of the other members there. My uncle and cousin are on the lease and we’re out there as well. My uncle had his grandson out hunting with him and they had shot a nice buck the previous day. My cousin is usually working and we don’t normally see him on a lot of hunting trips but my uncle is retired and has the freedom to go whenever, my uncle also complains about everything and also thinks everything he has is better than everyone else’s. I am not on the deer lease but go as a guest to shoot pigs and doe’s usually once a year. Well, after our first morning hunt we got back to the bunk houses and were sitting around talking, my uncle and I started talking about bringing his grandsons out to hunt. I have a 5yr old daughter who I am introducing to hunting and fishing and she loves being outdoors with me. I mentioned to him I was probably going to bring her out to the lease to tag along.(this is when he caught me off guard) My uncle proceeds to tell me that it is not a good idea to bring my daughter out there. I told him she would be fine since she helped me blood trail a deer the week before and is very comfortable in the outdoors and likes it. He then tells me it’s not a good idea since there are usually only males out there doing manly things like peeing outside that she shouldn’t be there. So then I was completely caught off guard, insulted and pi$$ed off. Now, I have heard him talk like that about another lease member a couple years ago but didn’t think he would ever say that to me. I’m not the one to get into drama or start it but when I mentioned to my dad what his brother had said, he was just as shocked that he said it to me. Nothing was said to my uncle since he left for home right after that conversation.

Needless to say he is not getting invited to next years dove hunt and I don’t really know how I want to handle it going forward. It has just stayed on my mind the last two weeks, so maybe this will help get it off my mind.

Rant over.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467713 12/06/21 10:42 AM
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Raised three daughters and two of them can likely whip your uncle's arse. The third one would hurt him. They came out early and their presence was enjoyd by others in camp. Although they don't come out with me much at all, one still shoots does in the head.

You won't be taking advice from someone you consider so poorly. His weaknesses will reveal your strengths.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467725 12/06/21 11:27 AM
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Telling someone else what to do with their own child, related or not, usually creates a fire storm. It's happened on here. Your uncle has very poor judgement. Sounds like a very insecure guy that I wouldn't want to be around.

Nothing pisses me off quicker than some pompous azz telling me what "I ought to do."


...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467734 12/06/21 11:57 AM
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It’s his lease, his rules, case closed. I know a lot of men like that. Everybody has relatives that are goofy; get over it.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467754 12/06/21 12:20 PM
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You missed the point. He wasn't saying it was against the rules, he said don't bring her because she's a little girl. Critical reading.


...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467761 12/06/21 12:39 PM
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I’ve been on all types of leases and hunts with all types of men. Many who were nuts. Many with crazy thoughts.
Many who were nuts and relatives; many who couldn’t like kids on a lease or women. So…..?

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467763 12/06/21 12:40 PM
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Bring your Daughter and a couple of her friends just to piss him off.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: don k] #8467880 12/06/21 03:03 PM
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Quote
I am not on the deer lease but go as a guest to shoot pigs and doe’s usually once a year.


Originally Posted by don k
Bring your Daughter and a couple of her friends just to piss him off.


Guest bringing guests to a lease? That will make the other members happy, LOL.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467885 12/06/21 03:07 PM
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Sounds to me as if he is just concerned that a little girl in camp might disrupt the normal 'goings on' of what is often the 'boys' getting together.

There IS sometimes conduct (at deer camp) that includes men urinating outdoors, drinking, telling off-colored jokes, cursing....etc. Depends on the group of course.

Personally, I'm with the Uncle on this one....and think as a parent you are oversensitive to the message he was trying to send.

I understand wanting to include and encourage a Daughter or Son to enjoy outdoor activities. I raised a Daughter also...but she was not allowed to actually go afield with me until she was 7 yrs old. I own my property and do the majority of my hunting there....so no restrictions or other concerns for me. But I wouldn't even entertain the thought of taking a very young child into a largely adult group setting...at the risk of disrupting things.

It would be different if it were AFTER SEASON and other members (which you are not) were having 'family outings'. Even then...I would ask the others if it was OK. So....perhaps I am the dissenting voice here, but IMO I think you are being too sensitive about what was said and you seem to be harboring some disdain already for your Uncle. Just my .02 on it.

Last edited by flintknapper; 12/06/21 03:10 PM.

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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467900 12/06/21 03:19 PM
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While I don't think the Uncle is right, I also don't think you have a grudge to hold. As a guest, it's a privilege to go out to the lease in and of itself, even with family involved.

If you at some point procure a spot on the lease then take your daughter and don't worry for a minute what anyone else thinks -- you're her parent.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: TLew] #8467912 12/06/21 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by TLew
While I don't think the Uncle is right, I also don't think you have a grudge to hold. As a guest, it's a privilege to go out to the lease in and of itself, even with family involved.

If you at some point procure a spot on the lease then take your daughter and don't worry for a minute what anyone else thinks -- you're her parent.


It would depend on the structure of the lease and the 'normal' activities. Some places folks barely see one another and there is little interaction between members. Other places there is more comradery and a gathering of members at a certain locale on the property at certain times. So even IF he were a member (with certain rights)....having the right to do something isn't always the wisest thing.

And I would submit...'not worrying about what anyone else thinks' could result in blatant disregard for the wishes/wants/rights of the other members. But....these days...'courtesy' is all too often thrown out the window for sake of what an individual wants.


Spartans ask not...how many, but where!
Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467916 12/06/21 03:51 PM
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I've been on some leases that I would never take my daughters, so I can understand his point. Plus, it's his lease, not yours, and I've never heard of a lease where guests are allowed to bring guests. I generally agree with Flint's assessment.

No point in getting butt-hurt about it...find your own lease.


Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467918 12/06/21 03:51 PM
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People are funny when it comes to lease rules. You have to draw the line somewhere about who can come and who can`t or it gets out of hand pretty quick. Maybe he looks at it like you are a guest bringing a guest. Some people like getting away to the lease for a little peace and quiet and don`t want to spend time with other people`s kids. Maybe if you were paying to hunt, instead of a guest he would look at it differently. People also don`t like having to watch everything they say or do @ deer camp because of young children, especially a small girl, that aren`t theirs. If you knew your uncle was absolutely not going to be there, I would say it would be OK. But leave her home if he were to be there, since he has paid to be there and has some say in the matter. The other alternative is to pay for your own lease and make your own rules.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467920 12/06/21 03:53 PM
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I can see this both ways, but if you aren't on the lease and only a guest, I don't think it's your right to tell them you are bringing her along. Paying members have the right to set the rules. Just because it's family doesn't make it right. That's where a lot of issues take place and feelings get hurt. Find you a lease that you can make the rules on and you don't have problems. Or get on that lease next year so that you can bring her, but I wouldn't be telling them I am going to bring her, I would have definitely asked.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467921 12/06/21 03:53 PM
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OK, so your uncle is an [censored]. That's clear enough. With that said, I don't see how someone who is a guest on a lease has a legitimate complaint if a lease holder wants to exercise control over the age/sex/attitude/personal characteristics of any additional guests that a guest wants to bring.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467922 12/06/21 03:54 PM
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Something in the same vein.

Recently one of my Nieces's was here (Wife's side of family) with Her husband and their 3 yr. old Son.

The Husband had wanted to shoot pistols some....since I have my own range and they live in Houston where he doesn't get to shoot very often....and then only at an indoor range.

Husband decides he would like to take his 'Little Man' down to the range and let him shoot a pistol. I quickly informed him that NO 3 year old would be present on my range for any reason. And I will defend that decision for any that might want to argue it.

Not surprisingly the Dad (not an especially mature acting fellow himself) was offended. Stated that if he couldn't take his Son...then he didn't want to go shooting.

I simply replied "Your Decision". It was left at that.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467930 12/06/21 04:00 PM
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Is this the summary?:

Grandfather A (Sand_Fly's uncle) can hunt with his grandchild (who happens to be a grandson) and Grandfather A has no issue with it.

Grandfather B is the brother of Grandfather A and on the same deer lease as Grandfather A. Grandfather B and wants to hunt with his grandchild (that happens to be a granddaughter, and daughter of the Sand_Fly). Grandfather A takes exception to this.

My takeaway is this:
Grandfather A can take his double standard and cram it up his a$$, IMO. Sand_Fly is fully within his rights to voice his discontent with his uncle at the family level, but it is on Grandfather B to address the issue on a deer lease level as S_F is only a guest on the lease.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467941 12/06/21 04:08 PM
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Yeah, take your daughter and tell him to go, you know what.
Warn your daughter about language and the peeing part but if a few guys can't act decent around a girl at a hunting camp maybe they should form a little boys club for themselves.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467943 12/06/21 04:09 PM
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Im dam sure not taking a 5 tear old little girl, to a deer lease with all men.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467954 12/06/21 04:15 PM
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In general I think this is why leases get so heated. I agree with several things said above, in general it’s not your lease so be mindful. That said it appears the lease is relatively loose with its guest rules, I figured a grandpa could invite his grandkid if he wanted to.

My little girl is only 3 but she loves hunting and fishing and is pretty tuff she will take a dump in a bucket on the boat or in the outhouse at the ranch as quick as anyone lol. If she has the open invite from your dad who has the ability to invite her i roll with it. If issues arise tell him to talk to his brother.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: ElkOne] #8467956 12/06/21 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by ElkOne
Im dam sure not taking a 5 tear old little girl, to a deer lease with all men.

All deer leases are not created equal. Every one I’ve been on was all men but past a dirty joke mumble doff to the side or all have been more than accommodating enough for kids.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: ElkOne] #8467960 12/06/21 04:23 PM
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I did, numerous times. Never an issue aware to me.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467961 12/06/21 04:30 PM
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I have four daughters who each have enjoyed some time at a lease a time or seven.

In this situation I can understand your frustration but at the end of the day paying lease members make the rules along with the LO. Unsure of rules but under the same token paying members tend to have their say in matters regarding who can come to the lease.

As a dad to daughters it was always hard finding a lease that would allow them on it. In most cases it was the deciding factor and it sucked because it added to the hardship of finding a lease. I would enjoy the privilege of hunting as a guest and let your dad choose how he would like to handle it. Maybe he can meet with your uncle and other lease members and they can collectively decide on how to proceed. Definitely sucks but as other have said they are paying members you’re a guest and leases have a funny way of complicating family matters and friendships.


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Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467962 12/06/21 04:31 PM
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It sounds like a free for all lease to me I wouldn’t want my daughter around anyway but I’m not sures who’s more at fault here. Having said that if my daughter wasn’t welcome anywhere I went then I’d never go back, period…. I would have also called the uncle out on his BS comment without letting it slide.

Re: Getting this off my chest. [Re: Sand_Fly] #8467968 12/06/21 04:36 PM
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I can see the idea he has of the "Boys club" although it sounds pretty silly to me. But like what was stated before, his lease, you're the guest, his call. Not saying I would like it any more than you do and I would go somewhere else. You only get so many hunts with your 5 year old.

I have a daughter that is 12 now and started hunting with me when she was 5. She can currently out shoot and out hunt some men I hunt with regularly. I attribute this to her early exposure and being taught to love it like I do. In my opinion, as her Dad you should find a place to take her that will nurture her desire and give her the correct exposure, not just because it is easy or cheap for you. To me, if a group of grown men cannot, or will not keep themselves composed at least a little bit when my daughter was around I would choose to not be around them. I would find another group that shares my values. There is likely nothing more important to being a girl dad than showing them what GOOD men look like. They will pull from those lessons for the rest of their lives and probably marry someone that fits the outline they are shown. In my mind it is bigger than shooting a deer. I've got a crazy uncle that sounds a lot like the guy mentioned by the OP. My kids don't know him very well.

I hope you get her out!

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