Do you ever have fun and mess with people you do not know? I do it probably way to much but cannot help myself

At an Estate sale this morning with the wife I am standing close to a 70 + year old man who is bragging about his wife who is next to him and how he met her on a internet dating site 5 years ago called Christian Singles.
When he got through I said "oh really, see that Blonde over there thats my wife, I bought her off of a Russian Mail Order Bride sight and we have been together 26 years now, you should have seen the looks I got from them, the lady who was helping us and the not so happy wife now.

A lot of times when I am making a purchase and they say the total amount is ... lets say it was $18.76
I look them in the eyes and say " That was a fine year I remember it well" most will grin on that one.

Best one lately.

I went into Lowes on Preston Rd and was looking for a Rosemary plant, looked all around and could not find any.
Well there are these two Black Guys guessing in their late 30's up on a Platform ladder stocking the shelves and two White gals down at the base of the Ladder.
The guys were vendors and one of the gals was 70 ish looking old hippie chick a vendor also the other gal was around 30 and a Lowes employee.
I was in old dingy shorts, white V neck undershirt, have not shaved in several days with my glass's on looking disheveled .

So I thought I am going to Jack with these folks! So I slowly walked up to them in kind of a sort of lost or confused looking manner and when I got to them the Lowes gal asked if she could help me.

In a somewhat stumbling voice I said yes please, I am looking for your Medicinal Marijuana plants can you tell me where they are please I really need to find them.
The Black dudes up on the platform are ear to ear grin about to lose it and the Lowes chick just ducks her head, the Hippie gal says what are you looking for??

I repeat myself in a now kind of heightened or anxious voice of like a senile old man and say I need to find your Medicinal Marijuana Plants please, I have looked all over the store and cannot find them, I know they are here somewhere can you help me find them?
Now the Black dudes are having to turn their heads for they are in full bust out laughter mode, the Lowes chick turns her head and walks away and the Hippie gal says I think they are around here somewhere have you looked outside? I said yes but my vision not that good and thats another reason why I have to find them, I then say I will find them if not I have still have some at the house and I walked away.
Wished I had a rear view mirror so I could have seen what they were doing or saying as I walked away.

The "Looking for your Medicinal Marijuana plants" is my go to when I am in a store like SAMS that have vendors trying to sell you wireless or electricity services, they usually have no clue how to respond.

we have a weirdo like that at work . I call him Psycho, he seems mentally ill.

Wifeypoo is 8 months younger than Hudbone. We were HS sweethearts. When people ask how we met, I usually tell them I was a 7th grader playing four square at the junior high and she saw me when she was a sophomore at the neighboring HS. Wifeypoo no likely this version of events.

Several years ago, Wifeypoo slipped in the driveway and broke her leg. I got so tired of the boring story and began to tell people she got frisky at Landa Park and couldn't wait to get home. We got into a big oak tree and started to get busy. A squirrel snuck up on me and licked my behind resulting in an instinctual response which caused Wifeypoo to fall out of the tree and break her leg. There are still people in town who believe we are the reason for the fence around Charter Oak.

Hudbone I guess we are the only pranksters

I got to hand it to you, never heard about anyone doing the Hokey Pokey in a tree, bet it would be a little squirrely.
You would become folklore legend about the day Hudbone made the mighty oak shake, rattle and roll

Stub, somes need motorcycles, fancy side by sides, bedazzled jeans, feelings of superiority, shooting at something 800 yards and more to feel like they are living while simpletons like you and I can use our minds and do just fine.

Do not get me wrong, I would love to have a big ranch and the toys that go with it, nicer truck etc, No matter what's going on in my life no bedazzled jeans though
But sir you are so right, we can enjoy the simple things in life that last forever BTW if I did have big $$$ I would still be a goofball

My mom and dad were going out to dinner on their 5th anniversary. She was pregnant with me.

He looked at her and said, 'Honey, you are not any uglier today than the day we got married.' She said she cried for hours. She tells it today laughing herself silly.



The first year my wife and I were married, we were driving somewhere and she said that we needed to get life insurance. I asked why. She said we needed to cover funeral expenses. I said you are right. I told her that if you were too poor to pay, they put you in a burlap bag and tossed you in the ditch. Here eyes were getting teary and believed me.



My mom was driving my wife somewhere when we first got married (25 years ago).

My wife said something about me and my mom looked at her and my mom said, "Brian's FIRST wife would never say something like that!" My wife responded with something on the order of 'I thought I was his first wife.'

(I had not been married, but my wife was gullible.)

My mom said the look on her face was AWESOME!

In high school my friend and I planned and executed several elaborate hoaxes, always on our female friends, that would take many pages to explain.
Including: "Drug deal spoiler"- complete with a choreographed off road car chase, bags of powder being pitched from a vehicle, a script, and a foot chase.
"I didn't think it was loaded"- complete with fireworks, wardrobe changes, a lot of fake blood, and a homemade fake bullet hole/makeup.
"Lunch chess"- was a simple game. Just start staring very very seriously at both lunches while seated across from your friend. Every two minutes, move something- an apple, a french fry- around as if there's a chess board there. Pretend you're either the winner or loser, and never admit it's all b.s. A crowd tended to form around us trying to figure out what was going on. Simpler times.
Superglue a quarter to the hard floor of the art room, that joke worked for months.
If your druggie friend has dropped acid/is real high at school, my other friends and I would oblige: Move our lips like conversational talking without making any sound, freeze motionless for a long time, laugh uncontrollably for no reason, yell "duck!"/"Do NOT look behind you!", and generally ramp up the paranoia.
I don't hear from those people much, hm.

Hey, did you know that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Count to three, wait for the slap when she figures it out.

I was in an elevator at the Bellagio in Vegas and the wife and I had our bags all situated when this smoking hot woman came in with the biggest suitcase I have ever seen, you know the type of woman, duck lips, fake everything, and attitude like she knows she is the queen. She shoved it around and bumped my bag a little. She then said- Oh god, please excuse me. I said- no problem, I don’t smell it. The wife kicked me in the shin, and the woman scowled at me with disgust. The other person in the elevator laughed.

This has worked for me for years. When we have a family function where we get together and eat and some bring food. Sometimes there are guest or friends of other family members. I wait till the meal is over and very politely ask any quest that that is new if they would like some banana pudding. They almost always say "YES" with a smile. Then I answer that I would to, but we don`t have any. My family always laughs because I have been doing this for over 30 years. The real trick is, I will actually make banana pudding about every 5 years or so and ask the same question. They will all say we know you don`t have any and then I will bring it out for the surprise.

On the first night Billy met Lisa, he picked her up at her TX Lite high rise condo. Coming down in the elevator, it stopped for some others to get on. The awkward silence was broken when Billy asked her, “Is this your first time to be with a male escort?”.

You'll have to count a lot higher than three with some.

That would have been fun to watch, then mouth a fake fart as she leaves.

I used to loudly tell my wife to pick me up a new pack of magnums when she would be anywhere near the makeup isle at Walmart

Oh yeah I’m stealing that.

Jovial sarcasm not really my thing; if I do get sarcastic with a stranger that generally happens after they've really pissed me off and real trouble is about to occur. If it's not intentionally directed at me with malice, it can be humorous at times.

Elevator jokes. Guy on an elevator. Woman gets on. He asks "Can I smell your v_____?" She screams "NO!!!" and moves as far away as possible. "Oh. It must be your feet then," he calmly responds.

when asked at the stores with loyalty rewards, "do you have a card with us", my typical response is "my housekeeper does" or sometime "my cook does" (wife). When she's with me, she doesn't see the humor.............

Back in my drinking days, taking a taxi home from the bar, I'd make some jackarse comment to the driver like "Jesus could kick the [censored] out of Mohammed in a street fight!" Or something to the effect of, "In this day and age, would Mohammed be considered a pedophile, or do you guys still think it's OK to sleep with 11 year olds?" I was a mess back then.

I like messing with younger people working the driver thru. My favorite is to look serious and say " did you just lick my Dr. Pepper?"

When the wife and I are checking out at a store I will sometimes turn to her and ask when her husband is coming home. Get a lot of strange looks with that one.

Too dangerous for me, a cartoonist was murdered in the Netherlands several years ago for satiriing Mohammed in their local newspaper. Why poke the bear and get a gun whipped out on you? I'd rather not tempt someone if able.

Shortly thereafter, in GARLAND TEXAS, they threw a "Draw Mohammed Contest." Joe Rogan has a bit about it. They threw this contest, and some stupid sand-[CENSORED] tried to do a drive-by. They were killed quickly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk04H1ZPeWQ