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Grandpa gets audited by IRS
#6271582
04/22/16 07:45 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271591
04/22/16 07:54 PM
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,250
TEXASLEFTY
THF Whiskey Sommelier
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THF Whiskey Sommelier
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,250 |
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271594
04/22/16 07:57 PM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416 |
Columbus kicked an Indian in the butt for telling that one.
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271595
04/22/16 07:57 PM
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,682
snoopy
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,682 |
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271596
04/22/16 07:57 PM
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,797
dogcatcher
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,797 |
Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back. _____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271647
04/22/16 08:33 PM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 21,617
pegasaurus
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 21,617 |
Funny thing about getting older: Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your ability to see through people's BS gets much better.
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6271850
04/22/16 11:00 PM
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,831
RedHoss
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,831 |
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Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS
[Re: Cast]
#6280697
04/29/16 11:16 PM
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,782
nak
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,782 |
We all need to practice Whoa more.
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