This is why women should not take men shopping against their will


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to K Mart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from Our local K Mart.


Dear Mrs. Reid,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layby.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants and large knives were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,

Joe Blog
K Mart manager

I like this idea.

Cheers, Vince

My wife refuses to bring me shopping.

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Sound about right Vince!!!!!!

LMAO!

Spot on James...perfect mate.

Also...when you get daughters it gets even worse mate.

Cheers, Vince

Quote:

---

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

---

Only if he is married and his wife picks out something suitable for him to wear! The Kmart thing sounds like something my husband would do! I know that he doesn't like to shop so I don't torture him and it makes my shopping that much more enjoyable!

My wife keeps asking me to go, but I refuse.

I ask my wife if she wants me to go, and she says that is all right. I am not very good in crowds.

LOL, all those were too funny

although, i must admit.....i am one of those who HATE shopping!

Aint it the truth. When my wife and I are going somewhere, after I get dressed she'll look at me and say "that doesn't match" or "that looks terrible" then picks out my clothes. Later she'll ask me "How do I look" Like I all of the sudden have taste!

The only way my wife can get me to go shopping with her is to drop me off at Gander Mountain and pick me up when she gets done.

I pretty well broke my Wife from shopping for my clothes.

In the past, when I needed jeans, shirts, etc, she was all over it and "helping' me pick out everything. Lots of disagreements and either she got her feelings hurt or I got my butt chapped. Sometimes she brought home new shirts that she figured would look good on me. Most had no pockets or were something that I wouldn't wear in a color that Crayon wouldn't recognize.

Then the time came when she needed to go shopping for some new clothes. I went and got in the car. She asked what I was doing. I told her that I was going to help her with her clothes shopping. This shouldn't take long I told her. I have a pretty good idea where we can go and get this over with pretty quickly.

I no longer have a problem.