Posted By: Gary Olson
Arrrr ye ready? Talk Like a Pirate Day 2021 - 09/20/21 07:38 PM
Call over your mates or your wenches. I'll be starting.
Q: Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they'll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates.
Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie.
Q: What has eight eyes, eight arms and eight legs?
A: Four rookie pirates!
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg.
Q: Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
A: Right where ye left him.
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye!
Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the “p.”
Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
A: Because he was standing on the deck.
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
A: Starrrrrve!
Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R, and the seven C's!
Q: What's a pirate's favorite type of exercise?
A: The plank!
Q: What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Q: What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
A: Captain Hooky!
Q: What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
A: Aye matey years old!
Q: What Star Wars character is really a pirate?
A: AARRGGH-2 D-2!
Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A: It's rated AARRRRGH! Why? Because of all the booty!
Q: What did the pirate with cardio vascular disease yell in his death throes?
A: Arrr, me hearty!!!
Q: How does a pirate feel about his spouse?
A: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!
Q: What keeps a parrot on a pirate's shoulder?
A: Poligrip! (polly-grip)
Q: Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?
A: He wanted the pi-rate!
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A pirate goes to the doctor to get the moles checked on his back. The doctor says, "There's nothing to worry about, they're benign."
The pirate looks at him with surprise and says... "Shiver me timbers! When I spied them in me looking glass this morning, there be only 3!"
Q: Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they'll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates.
Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie.
Q: What has eight eyes, eight arms and eight legs?
A: Four rookie pirates!
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg.
Q: Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
A: Right where ye left him.
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye!
Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the “p.”
Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
A: Because he was standing on the deck.
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
A: Starrrrrve!
Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R, and the seven C's!
Q: What's a pirate's favorite type of exercise?
A: The plank!
Q: What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Q: What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
A: Captain Hooky!
Q: What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
A: Aye matey years old!
Q: What Star Wars character is really a pirate?
A: AARRGGH-2 D-2!
Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A: It's rated AARRRRGH! Why? Because of all the booty!
Q: What did the pirate with cardio vascular disease yell in his death throes?
A: Arrr, me hearty!!!
Q: How does a pirate feel about his spouse?
A: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's wife for me!
Q: What keeps a parrot on a pirate's shoulder?
A: Poligrip! (polly-grip)
Q: Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?
A: He wanted the pi-rate!
-------
A pirate goes to the doctor to get the moles checked on his back. The doctor says, "There's nothing to worry about, they're benign."
The pirate looks at him with surprise and says... "Shiver me timbers! When I spied them in me looking glass this morning, there be only 3!"