I CAN'T GO.....

Been on a LOW CARB diet for a month. Done this diet a couple times earlier in life.
I CAN'T GO TO THE BATHROOM DANGITT!.
Eat green veggies at least once or twice a day.
Tried 2 different things to make me chit, ain't working.
HELP!!!!!
This is serious, no chit.

Very spicy hot sauce, or get some Exlax.(stool softener) from drug store.

Dr Pepper does it for me.

How long ?

I've tried 3 different ones. Eat spicy food regularly.

I mean burn your butt hot sauce, not spicy foods.

Coffee works for me.

There are some members on here that are quite full of it. I'm sure they will chime in.

Allsup's burrito

A week. When it hurts your back it starts sucking.

Miralax

You're getting into dangerous territory if it's been a week.

Fiber gummies work for me.

5 days, so a little uncomfortable.

I used to go at minimum twice a day. Now that I am on the low carb diet, it has dwindled to once a day, sometime every other. So, It's really not an issue for me. Maybe go to the drug store and get a suppository to get things moving now? A whole week is probably not good.

Magnesium Citrate. It’s cheap and works right now. Drink the whole bottle.

With 2 hot sauces...

If you ask your wife for an enema, you'll find out just how much she loves you.

Time for a Ducolax glycerin suppository. Or a trip to the ER for an enema. Not a pretty thought but 5 day's is bordering on impaction.

good luck finding Mag citrate ,,, they recalled all of it ,

MO RPh

Have you tried senna and docusate ?

Haha. She told me to get one of those. I'm not doing that until it's an emergency.

1/2 dose of milk of magnesia, trust me, only a half dose. Don't worry you won't get to love drinking it

Linzess

metamusil will work

Miralax. Taste like crap but triggers the “flow”.

It works better than milk of magnesia for us. After bypass surgery and plenty of pain meds I had to go before being able to leave the hospital. 2 full doses of milk of magnesia and I had not gone. One Miralax less than 30 minutes was packing my bags to go home.

That's a long time

I would be trying the fibers or enema

Lots of leafy roughage and a cup of Coffee in the am =

Pardon the pun but GET YOUR A*S TO THE DOCTOR!

Been thru Dolcolax, milk of magnesia, and 1 other. Plus fiber tablets twice a day. Ain't happening

Fiber!!

That's next on my list.

That ain't no chit

Sounds like it's past time for...the apparatus!

Once you get over this impaction:

1 cup Bob's Red Mill Wheat Bran, available on Amazon if nearby health food store doesn't have it.
1 cup prune juice
1 cup applesauce. I like cinnamon.

Stir it up and refrigerate. Take three or so tablespoons of that at night and drink Metamucil.

As soon as you wake up in the morning, get up quickly.

2 burritos and 4 hot sauces for several cases

Go to your local middle eastern owned gas station and get something with refried beans in it.

They make a sugar free Metamucil that is really good.

Also, they make bulk fiber type capsules that are low carb/no carb. Lots of hidden carbs in medicines, especially anything that is in a syrup.

Don't get medical advice on a hunting forum. If you aren't feeling right, go to a doctor.

When I was in the hospital with the Pancreatitus (how ever you spell it) the pain meds plugged me up good. The nurses started with prune juice and worked their way up the list of more potent stuff. Nothing worked until the doctor said to give me”the bomb”. Nurses smiled and they went off to mix it in their witches cauldron. I drank it, and I’ve drunk worse for the sake of medicine. Nothing happened right away, but the nurses said to be prepared to sprint to the head. And sure enough.

See if somebody knows what “The Bomb” consists of.

Since it has been that many days you probably need to focus on the back end. Then after that make sure you have help going down the front end.

Suppository, glycerin Fleet squeeze thingy or enema may be your best bet.

Hot Hot Hot peppers and ducolax. Have strong black coffee first thing in the morning. If that don't move you get the enema. You are impacted.

And just like that,,,hunting season is over. Bring on the splinter and paper cut posts.

Exlax and an Enema possibly, hell, I have no clue.

My grandpa used to call a suppository a physic (sp?)…for some reason that always cracked me up and I needed that laugh today, thank you.

That’s your next step and it will free you up and having you [censored] like a blue goose. Good luck!

GUTIT wins tonight.

Milk of magnesia per container directions, 6-8 ounces of prune juice, and a quarter stick of butter. Warm it then drink it. Better than a perforated colon spilling its contents into your gut.

I found the recipe for “the bomb” on the internet.
1 cup prune juice
1 cup coffee
2 Tablespoons of Milk of Magnesia

Mix it together, warm for 45 sec in microwave, drink. Results in 1 to 3 hours.

I was plugged soundly. This concoction fixed the problem.

Can you find some of the pre colonoscopy prep drink ?

everyday couple times a day

But I think you should holler at the Doc. They can get that PLUG out and then you can begin the daily Miralax.

I've had diverticulitis, was nasty, Doc cut out a hunk of colon, called a resection..

Hydrocodone couple weeks ago plugged me up really solid but 4 Ducal ax at once did the trick the next morning.

just don't stray far from the pot, as it will catch you by surprise and you'll be ordering new drawers ASAP.

Gallbladder flush ingredients will get you flowing again.

Keystone always worked for me

If your trying to stay low carb or keto then eat: Saurkraut and or some Korean KimChi, you need fermeted food to get you going

Keto lets your body consume most of your food and waste very since you are eating heavy protiens. I found I was able to have a bowel movement for almost 5 days, but you will get back on track.

What I liked about keto is your bowel movement become like a dog, you can deficate and it is so pure that you don't even have to wipe, since it comes out too hard and compact.

Put a dip in.

Wheat germ, a couple of spoon fulls will do. Much like scrubbing bubbles for your insides.

Coffee...lots of coffee....

Try using this

Sugar free gummy bears

X2. Metamucil

A little always worked for me!

Granny would be setting you up with some cod liver oil.

Milk of magnesia worked a little by itself this morning. But looks like I'm buying some prune juice after work today, and give this a shot.

Nothing says "old" like a BM thread. Next will be pictures of rashes. And I hope maniac isn't putting off going to the doctor too long.

Try some creamed spinach from Luby's. Works every time.

Man, if I could figure out how to do a butt shot selfie…

My wife's grandmother used to brag about the great movements she had in the morning. Proud of 'em.

My wife says drink coconut oil.

Sit on a printer.

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Hud, do not encourage this despicable behavior.

Darn, family conversations with the matriarch I hope I never have.

Self admittedly, the OP can now officially be referred to as being full of crap.

We're all pulling for you brother, keep us posted. Not a live feed, just a timely update.

It may be time for an enemy, uh, er, I mean an enema.

Not sure that's the answer, maybe a copier.

See a doctor! Otherwise take a Fleet Enema.

https://www.fleetlabs.com/constipation-relief-products/enemas/fleet-saline-enema

I get that often. Usually from the wife.

I`ve been on Keto for 2 years now. Never have a problem. We eat lots of salads and vegetables though. Good Luck.

drink the prune and empty them bowels

Not allowed on Low Carb

easy go drink kill cliff ignite

you are probably more sensitive to dehydration now so go drink lots more water and add in a little flax seed.

What about sugar free gummy bears ?

Go sit in your deer blind for at least 2 minutes. Works for me.

I'd think personal safety would trump a "diet" right now.

How to take a butt shot selfie.



Mods,if offensive feel free to remove

603 doesn't have heels in that color.

Glad you got "moving" again

BTW

some hilarious answers here, leave it to the members for some laughs. Oh, and the sugar free gummies or jellybeans. YES!!! Contains Sorbitol and will cause serious "flow" if you eat a bunch.

Yes that is allowed and dangerous

Oh Lord, I have had some of the sugar free stuff, It will clean you out for sure, it's dangerous when you get the hershey squirts and it's like a water hose nozzle shooting out the end of your rectum.

might want to research the glycemic index of the artificial sugars

Good one....and it just depends what day it is.

Just an FYI -- a lot of this is driven by not drinking enough water. You should drink your body weight in ounces per day.

No way I could drink 300oz of water a day!

Yes, I don’t have shoes like that. And my flexibility isn’t what it was. And I was just kidding anyway.

Magnesium at night

Have we had splashdown?

The Nurses at Hendrick Medical Center called this a Baptist Cocktail.

Baptist Cocktail
1 cup of prune juice
1 cup of coffee
2 tablespoons of Milk of Magnesia

Mix together, warm the mixture in the microwave. Drink it all as quick as you can.

I’m on the same diet and I ate some nachos with a lot of jalapeños the other day and OOOOF I blew the bathroom UUPP

Get your gall bladder removed. Constipation will be only a memory. For now though, use “the bomb”, aka the Baptist Cocktail. You’ll find that nickel you swallowed in 3rd Grade. Listen for the clink.

Just did this about an hour ago. Waiting for all systems go.

I can't believe this thread has generated 2K views and over a hundred replies. OT community needs to get a life.
(present company included)

Rumor has it Gutfeld just “caught wind” of this thread and will be talking about it on tonight’s episode

He's the only one who could do it justice!

Update ?

I'm special. See what ya'll been missing for 2 years?

Someone better call the Katy waste water treatment facility and warn them that something special is coming down the pipe.

This bomb has potential…

Well, it’s been a while now. What’s the uh, outcome? Has the OP OPoo’d?

Collard greens.....

Sure does…

He took so much stuff, it probably all started working. May be too dehydrated to type a response.

Yeah, if he took half the stuff that people recommended he won’t be off the throne for a week.

He's too obsessed with the Giant breasted shop teacher in canada.

TOUCHDOWN.

We can close this post down now

Light a candle , would ya!

How does a mathematician relieve constipation?









He works it out with a pencil.

Shouldn’t that be splashdown?

This thread did it for me. Halfway through the second page I was like a B-52 over the Ho Chi Minh trail.

What worked?

The bomb that was posted up earlier. Prune juice, coffee and milk of magnesia.

And the wind is out of the South today

In all seriousness… glad you’re back to good

DripDrop, it rehydrates you... and drink plenty of water every day. Should be half your weight in ounces... so a 100 pound person would drink 50 ounces and a 200 pound person would drink 100 ounces.

Wheat Grass tablets - 4 a day - supplement and very good for you - been taking them 15 years and they have kept me regular - google them on Amazon

Did you weigh in before and after?

No dangitt. Wish I did, but down 12# in 4 weeks. But I'm gonna go with about a 2lbs morning

You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?

- Ron White