Yep, it just works for us. I wouldn't call it starting things the "wrong way" like Jeepercreeper said, to each their own. This works for us and we have a great marriage

Yep, just FYI, other that infidelity, the number one cause of divorces is money problems/arguments/issues.

Back in 2020 with all the riots and everything going on my wife turns to me one night and says, " You need to go buy more guns and ammo."

Yes ma'am was all I said and the next day picked up 2 new pistols.

My fiancee and I are on the same page financially thankfully, we're both careful with money, not ashamed to shop thrift stores and discount racks, etc. The main thing I spend larger chunks of money on are guns and guitars, most of which I buy used and I feel like for both I should be able to get at least half back what I spent if I ever needed to and a lot of cases a lot more. For awhile I was buying neglected old guitars, cleaning them up and restringing, and then reselling for a small profit to better owners. It is fun to hear all the old marriage jokes though so keep em coming, that and a discussion of 6.5 uppers was the real reason for this thread.

Yep, I'd take it one step further and say a good percentage of infidelity is caused by money issues/fights. I have no statistics whatsoever to back that up though

KRoyal can't mess up as his MIL would throttle him.

Been married and divorced so take my words with a grain of salt but be the same man as you were before. Its your life and money also. Yes happy wife happy life but that doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you love to do and spend money on. The biggest thing is communication in a relationship from both sides. Just talk to her about it. Hey babe I am going to buy INSERT ITEM HERE and i need or want it for X reason. Just my 2 cents.

I agree Burke. Don't want to make light of a serious subject but communication is important. Unfortunately my wife hasn't been completely honest with me. She wouldn't discuss her past or how many times she'd been married. My friends tried to tell me she'd been around the block a few times. My suspicions were confirmed when I found out her bad complexion was from rice marks. (ok, I'm done)

So at 200-300 yards who wins in terms of energy and trajectory?

20" 6.5 Grendel
or
18" 6.8 SPC

Don’t mean to hijack but had a question. My wife and I have had discussions on splitting finances and splitting costs. I make almost twice what she does and she always insists that if we split cost it would be based on a percentage of our salary. My question is always, Why? Let say the mortgage, our mortgage/escrow is $1800 a month so in her mind I would pay $1,200 and she would pay $600…. My question is always, do I live here more than you? We talk about equal rights and men and women being equal. So my ultimate question is why should one member of a marriage pay more than another because they make more? If the wife made more would she be expected to pay more towards bills? I’ve changed jobs and taken several promotions and more than doubled my salary in last 10 years. She’s had multiple opportunities to move up within her company in the same time and has turned them all down because as she says she wants to do her 8 and skate. Which really infuriates me when she says that. But I digress. So why would bills be split based on salary rather than based on usage or choices?

I see your side of it, but really don’t have an answer for it. We’ve just always done it this way and it’s worked great for us. With all things being equal in the marriage besides our pay, that’s what we go by because that’s really the only difference. Again this is what works for us, might not work for some.

And there is that

My wife and I split bills so that we each have the same amount left over at the end of the month. That means I pay for a whole lot more bills than she does. We have a joint short term savings account that we both contribute to for the vacation fund, etc.

Sure, I could argue that I make more than her and so I should have more discretionary income. I also work longer hours, have to get online on nights and weekends, and have to travel for work. She picks the kids up every day, does the grocery shopping, and keeps me in starched shirts. For me, it's about teamwork, not a competition.

This 100%

My wife and I were full grown when we met. Each of us had houses, checking and savings accounts. Got married, sold her house, she moved in mine. We kept our personal accounts, and opened a joint. Each of us contribute the same amount to the joint each month. House payment, utilities, insurance, groceries come out of the joint. She pays for her vehicle, I pay for mine. Anything she buys for herself I say nothing about, and vice versa.

She actually makes more than my FD salary, but obviously I have a second job that provides some income. In the event the second job has a slow month or two, I still owe the contribution to the joint account.

That's pretty much our exact setup as well. We are fairly close in income, but she does make slightly more. I refuse to pay in less because I make less because that removes some drive for me to do better. We are both competitive in the best of ways though. I want her to do as well as she possibly can because I want to compete with someone at their best. I get no satisfaction performing better against someone that isnt as driven. At the end of the day we both win and it keeps us on fairly even keel with neither feeling like the other is riding their coat tails.

I am slowly coming to terms with having to consider going back to a larger, more corporate environment to stay competitive though. Smaller O&G companies just dont have the cash flow to compete with the compensation packages of larger companies. They are a hell of a lot more fun to work for though.

NEVER an argument in my house about money. And nationally, that is reported as one of the top 3 reason couples argue.

Serious questions because I have a friend in a similar predicament of joint vs separate. Who pays what % and into what account? How do yall split up grocery bills, kids school clothes and activities? How do yall regulate "payments" to each other or the joint account? Are there bylaws or written agreements? What happens when there's a major expense like a vehicle for kid, home renovation/repair, tuition? How do yall pay each other back? Venmo, cash? Does that just continue into retirement and death? How do yall report taxes? How do yall have your beneficiaries setup on wills, trusts, insurance? Just seems complicated.

I did the joint thing because I didn't know any other way. Everyone in my entire family does the joint thing so I was brought up that way. The key to any marriage is communication above all.

Back to the OPs original question.....I wouldn't recommend buying yourself a bachelor gift without giving your soon to be bride a heads up. And I'd consider letting her do the same or you buy her a bachelorette gift she wants. An upper may only set you back a few hundred bucks now but it's the long term you need to consider.

Just my .02 and a warning IF you love this girl madly. From personal experience.

I was a D when married. We had separate accounts and I pretty much stuck to a budget. Except guns and hunting trips. She had no real interest in anything, maybe going to live music concerts.

Anyway, WHEN our daughter arrived. She changed. I was then a selfish D who only cared about myself. This was about half right.

SO, about 20 years later, she couldn't stand me, and the feeling was pretty mutual. SO, I gave her our house and a check for $120,000 and we divorced.

I guess the moral of the story is. What will your sweet wife think after the babies start coming? PLEASE. talk about this NOW. How will you handle your monies?

Jointly?

Separately?

Marriage can be and ender to many a man card. Just my .02

I've been divorced since 2009, and I got to admit, it's pretty nice doing whatever the F I want too.

Yes, I have a sweet girlfriend and still help my daughter when she needs it

AND by the way. a chitty marriage and divorce will F your kid up bad!

I understand that sentiment, as once upon a time I felt the same way and trusted her 100%.......but I can tell you from experience your attitude on that will most likely change if you ever wake up one morning to find out that your wife has wiped you out, and I mean totally wiped you out. All bank accounts, all nest eggs of cash in the safe. Years of busting azz and saving hard and then not a dime to your name, and nothing you can do about it. Had to borrow money for gas & food. I'd give beto a big ol' hug before I'd ever even consider joint accounts or sharing a safe code again. To each their own.

It is definitely a hugely important discussion to have once it becomes apparent that a coexistence is on the horizon whether legal or just mutual agreement. Money is a huge deal and differences in how money is handled can add a huge amount of stress to any relationship with codependence.

When we decided to build a house together, we went through everything financial and put it in an Excel spreadsheet ( we are both data analysts, so it is what we do haha). We color coded it and added our respective net pay. All common expenses like mortgage, bills, groceries, etc. comes out of our household checking account. We added in a buffer to the monthly budget so we are building an emergency/large expense fund for household stuff in that account and we each contribute our half via direct deposit out of our paychecks. If one of us buys groceries or something important for the house, we reimburse ourselves out of that account. When we go on vacation, we keep loose tabs on costs and alternate who pays for what to keep it roughly 50/50. Neither of us is budgeted tight enough that we have be too particular about it and there is a ton of trust that neither is pulling more than is justifiable out of that account. If one of us decides we want/need a new vehicle, gun, face lift, ab implants, whatever, it comes out of our own pocket. We each pay for our own car insurance, maintenance (though I do the labor on her car, she pays for the parts), shoes, clothes, etc. I pay for our meals out and she pays for kids clothes and activities. When I wanted a smoker, I paid for it even though the household benefits. When we buy a new mower this spring, it will be out of our joint account.

It really isnt as rigid as it seems it would be outside looking in, but we are within $15k/yr of each other earnings wise so it starts out pretty even. I think we are both just relieved to finally be in a relationship where the other person pulls their own weight that this seemed the most logical to us. We both came from prior instances of being the bread winner and sole "adult" in the house, so this is incredibly pleasant and easy in comparison.

When married, two become one.

This is the way it's supposed to be. All joint. What's mine is hers and vice-versa. We get paid once a month and have a bill pay meeting where we go over what part of our checks go where. Any large expenditures are discussed prior to spending.

Once we have kids, I'll need another .22 rifle, a handy 28 gauge, a good 243, what else?

Whoa speedy. You havent even gotten married yet. Enjoy each other a bit if you can. Travel, eat well, buy nice stuff, get all your education out of the way, pay down any debt, buy a house. Once kids come it gets real.

If you have more than one boy then Id plan/budget to buy duplicates. My boys are both little still and they already have 3 guns each. Heck, they have nicer ARs and 22 trainers than most grown men on this forum.