Forums46
Topics537,785
Posts9,729,135
Members87,042
|
Most Online25,604 Feb 12th, 2024
|
|
|
Today's Funny
#8500070
01/10/22 03:17 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 634
floresrsr
OP
Tracker
|
OP
Tracker
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 634 |
I stole this and laughed til I cried.. #11 is my favorite 1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative. 9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. 10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" 11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. 12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. 13. I run like the winded. 14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. 15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" 16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? 17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. 18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east." 19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out. 20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. 21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war. Ernest Hemingway
|
|
|
Re: Today's Funny
[Re: floresrsr]
#8500520
01/10/22 10:39 PM
|
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,243
Biscuit
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 19,243 |
|
|
|
Re: Today's Funny
[Re: floresrsr]
#8500621
01/11/22 12:31 AM
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960
Gary Olson
Tracker
|
Tracker
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960 |
#9 or the equivalent happens around here all the time.
|
|
|
Re: Today's Funny
[Re: floresrsr]
#8500648
01/11/22 01:04 AM
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,113
texasag93
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,113 |
|
|
|
Re: Today's Funny
[Re: floresrsr]
#8504248
01/15/22 02:40 AM
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,795
dogcatcher
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,795 |
Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back. _____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________
|
|
|
Moderated by bigbob_ftw, CCBIRDDOGMAN, Chickenman, Derek, DeRico, Duck_Hunter, hetman, jeh7mmmag, JustWingem, kmon11, kry226, kwrhuntinglab, Payne, pertnear, rifleman, sig226fan (Rguns.com), Superduty, TreeBass, txcornhusker
|