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Nervous Pastor #8295368 06/15/21 05:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 13,395
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QuitShootinYoungBucks Online Content OP
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done it early in his career.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his desk:


Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his [censored].

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh!t out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his [censored].

We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"

When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

Jesus' mother is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

The recommended grace before a meal is not: 'Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God'.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


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Re: Nervous Pastor [Re: QuitShootinYoungBucks] #8295475 06/15/21 06:38 PM
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Re: Nervous Pastor [Re: QuitShootinYoungBucks] #8295848 06/16/21 01:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
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I'll have to remember that gulping vodka before speaking isn't good.


Not all those that wander are lost..

Back The Blue






Re: Nervous Pastor [Re: QuitShootinYoungBucks] #8297062 06/17/21 03:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 108,609
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Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back.
_____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________

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Re: Nervous Pastor [Re: QuitShootinYoungBucks] #8298101 06/18/21 07:45 AM
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OMG that is funny!

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