So, I posted a thread in the Deer Hunting forum about my grandfather's stories of trying to eradicate the screwworms back in the 60's and 70's. But, his best campfire story involved an old outhouse.

When I was around 8 (1976) I started hunting with my father and grandfather on a lease between Kerrville and Fredericksburg. My grandfather began hunting the ranch back in the late 40's. It had a neat, small hunters cabin. Running water came from a creek, pumped to a cistern. The only potty was an old wooden outhouse behind the cabin about 25 yards away. I was terrified of the outhouse. I would hold it for 2-3 days to avoid that sucker.

One day my grandfather noticed I was not too keen on the outhouse so he told me a story about it. He said this story might make you more scared of the outhouse, but it is funny.

He told the story about how back in the 50's and 60's some of the hunters on the ranch were of German decent. A few could speak German and still had a little accent. One such gentleman got up early one morning before the rest of the hunters to use the outhouse. My grandfather awoke to the lights in the cabin being thrown on and the man running around the cabin yelling in German. He finally yelled out in English "SNAKE". A couple of the hunters got the gentlemen to be still so they could help him. He again pointed to his backside and explained that when he was in the outhouse a big snake had bit him on the butt. He explained that when he was bitten he pulled out his overalls and ran into the cabin. The other hunters said OK lets have a look to see if you did get bitten by a snake. When the gentleman pulled down his overalls a woodpecker flew out, covered in S**T, and flew all over the cabin. My grandfather said it took them 15 minutes to catch the woodpecker and by then everything and everyone was covered in S**T.

He laughed every time he told that story in the following years. The story never made it easier to go to the outhouse. Thankfully, the group added on a bathroom a few years later. One of the hunters drew a picture of the outhouse and hung it in the new bathroom, with the caption "Be Thankful!" under it.

So, anyone else have any funny outhouse or hunting cabin stories?

My Grandpa had a three hole out house that were different sizes. It slid sideways so you could have hole that fit you and didn't have to worry about falling in. Dad was a plumber and he and I put in an in house bathroom in when I was in high school. Grandpa never used it as it "didn't fit right".

I like outhouses. Mom grew up in a house that didn't have plumbing. She said big joke when they were kids was anytime one of them went in the outhouse somebody would yell "write your weight on the wall so if you fall in we know how much to dig back out.

About 20 years ago I stopped at a roadside fruit stand on 287 up past Childress somewhere and asked to use the bathroom. Got directed to a 2 holer on the back of the barn and while I was sitting there I got out my pen and wrote "210#" on the wall, not very big. I figure somebody would sit down, understand and get a good chuckle sooner or later.

We have a full bathroom with running water commode, sink, shower etc. at the ranch. I still use the outhouse. A cup of coffee and leave the door open, best view on the place.... looking out of course.

Sears & Roebuck catalog for paper 🧻 kinda slick and stiff whew that’s been awhile ago!

We had a hunter that was scared of the out house. One cold morning he had to go so he chose the woods. When he came back we were all getting ready to go out for the hunt but this guy just stood by the door. He said "I'll sit this one out guys." We find out later that hooded coveralls are the best to be wear when you got to in the woods. He went and when he was done he threw the hood back over his head, well you know what was in the hood.

Now this is a good thread

A few years back, we had a tourist that almost died in a Forest Service campground outhouse up in Island Park. Yes, alcohol WAS involved!!!!

He and his friend stopped to use the facilities. While taking a dump, he knocked his wallet out of his pants pocket into the tank. Being smaller than his friend, he convinced him he could lower him down into it by holding his ankles, until he could reach it and then pull him back up. Lowered the guy in, but his buddy couldn't lift him back out. No one else was there to hear his cries for help, and eventually he had to drop his friend, to go for help. The FS rangers did the rescue, but they had a really hard time keeping straight faces throughout the ordeal!!!

When I was around 10-12, our family went to visit friends of my parents out in the "sticks"
All they had was an outhouse, pretty old from the picture in my memory
I had to "go" and asked where the bathroom was, they pointed to the "little house" out back
I was a little taken aback, I was/am a city boy
So off I go, when I get there and opened the door, I almost changed my mind
There was one hole, no seat of any kind, just a hole in the wood
I had no idea what to think of this being raised in the city with indoor plumbing, but I had to go
So I proceeded to sit down and take care of business
I sat down on that hole, and my butt went right through that hole, I was stuck in that danged hole
I started yelling for help, help did come, but it was most embarrassing

My parents told that story every chance they got, literally until they passed, and they always laughed, along with whoever they were telling
Now my oldest brother still tells that story
I am almost 62 now, and still get embarrassed when it's told
I swore many years ago, I will never go in an outhouse again

I know a guy who was bitten on his goober by a black widow while using an outhouse.

I've told this before, but here it is again.

Had a hunter who liked to hunt a stand that was only about 400 yards from the camp house. The road went right by the stand and we would drop him off in the morning and pick him back up when we came back in. One morning he shot a pretty good buck, tagged it but didn't gut it. Instead of waiting for us, he decided to walk back to the camp and get his truck to go get the deer. While he was back at camp, we came driving by, saw the dead deer laying there, and picked it up. We met him on the road and waved as we drove past each other. When we got to the camp, we unloaded the dead deer, sat it on the hole in the outhouse, and put a cigarette in its mouth and a beer by its hoof. About 30 minutes later the guy comes driving back up and tells the story of shooting the buck, tagging it, then going to get his truck. Said the deer must not have been dead and while he was gone, it got up and ran off. He wanted us to go help him look for it. We told him to go get a roll of TP from the outhouse so we could mark the trail. I thought he was going to have a runaway when he opened that door and saw his buck sitting on the crapper.

Great granddad had an outhouse and always said you had to wad up and roll a page in your hands to soften them up.
I never used one.

The Sisterdale lease had an out house when we got it. And we built another one when that one fell over. They both had Daddy long legs that would crawl on your bum if you camped out in there. Our oldest salesman would wear a purple sweater for hunting. We called him "Purple Bear". The sounds he would make in the middle of the night when those Daddy long legs would start to crawling.

No funny stories I can remember but my grandparents had an outhouse till the mid 60's. It was about 50 yards from the house and I can remember using it a few times. I hunted on a lease in Atascosa County that had a really old outhouse on it back in the 80's. It was still in use until about 5 yrs ago.

My dad told this story as if it was true.
A hitchhiker stopped by the house and was given a meal. Afterwards he asked where the restroom was, and he was pointed to the outhouse behind the house. The hitchhiker was gone for quiet a while before they went to check on him.
When they found him, he was digging in the outhouse hole with a long stick. They ask him what in the world was he doing that for. The hitchhiker said that he had dropped his jacket in the hole, and he was trying to fish it out. They explained that the jacket was ruined, and he should just leave it there. He said that it was on old wore out jacket and that he really did not care to get it back, he just wanted the sandwich that was in the pocket.

we had an out house until I was about 5, I hated to have to go after dark

Some of my girls' favorite stories center on the outhouse at deer camp.

Wasn't funny at the time but is now. I was about 6 or 7 years old and had to go to the outhouse in the middle of the night. Well when Mom opened the house door we were met with freezing rain and ice on the ground. This is the only time I can remember getting a spanking for wanting to go to the bathroom. The next day I got introduced to the "Chamber Pot" that my grandfather used. They finally added an extra bedroom and an indoor bathroom because granddad was getting too old to make the trip to the outhouse in the mid 60's.

The out house at our old lease in Kendall County was really nice. Made it from an old 5x5 deer blind was framed in angle iron, had a bench made from a Formica counter with a real toilet seat mounted on it. It was nicely done and even insulated. I remember going out to it one really cold night and discovered that in just a few minutes the coleman lanterns heat warmed it quite well and if you hung it down into the hole for a minute before you sat down the seat would be warm too.

I just remember in a real outhouse, you could look at the dodo, and there were tons of big worms and rats.

I remember when my Grandparents got indoor bathroom in the early 70's. No funny stories on my end , heard of Sears & Roebucks and corncobs for toilet-paper tho....