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Feb 12th, 2024
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 Some British Humor
#7770291
03/13/20 01:01 AM
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047
mikei
OP
THF Trophy Hunter
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OP
THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047 |
Some British Humor
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ...
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
______________________________ ______
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
______________________________ ______
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it
(I Love this child)
______________________________ ______________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
______________________________ ____
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago
WINNIE: Me!
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________ _________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________ ________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
______________________________ _____
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
______________________________ ____
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
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Re: Some British Humor
[Re: mikei]
#7770294
03/13/20 01:03 AM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416 |
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill ![[Linked Image]](https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2017/07/full-3669-105539-full_16668_105507_image.jpg)
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Re: Some British Humor
[Re: mikei]
#7770305
03/13/20 01:10 AM
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 15,976
Jimbo1
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 15,976 |
FJB - Lets Go Brandon
BBB - Bring Back Better
Awake - Not Woke!
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Re: Some British Humor
[Re: Jimbo1]
#7770319
03/13/20 01:18 AM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,526
SnakeWrangler
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,526 |
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
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Re: Some British Humor
[Re: mikei]
#7770338
03/13/20 01:28 AM
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960
Gary Olson
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960 |
Math without tables! 
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Re: Some British Humor
[Re: mikei]
#7770478
03/13/20 03:25 AM
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8,383
nsmike
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8,383 |
This one's my favorite!
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
for every stereotype there's a prototype don't be the prototype
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