State of Affairs!
We heard a while back that a California man, called Cedric Klabo, had been put under 24-hour psychiatric observation. What had he done? Police found that he had over 75 guns and about a half a million rounds of ammunition stored in his locked-up garage.
A roving reporter was heard to say: "Gee! Cedric has half a million machine gun bullets!" A local paper, the Aubern Gazette, ran the headline: "Massive Weapons Cache in Aubern County"
By Californian standards a man in possession of even 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable"
If Cedric lived in Arizona, he'd be described "an avid gun collector"
In Oklahoma, he'd be passed off as "a novice gun collector"
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food
In Idaho, they would refer to Cedric as: "a likely gubernatorial candidate"
In Wyoming, he'd be hailed as "an eligible bachelor"
But in Texas, Cedric would be just "a Hunting Buddy"

Uncle Ted
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bowhunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.
The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one that killed my brother?'"
Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like Congress.' "
The interview ended at that point.
Nice try
On the way home from a hunt in which he harvested no deer meat, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a few of your cheapest kind of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hotdogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"

What your wife really thinks.
A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your @$$ hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably hunting with his buddies."
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom...

Sense of Direction
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.

Game vs. "Game"
Two rednecks were out deer hunting. As they walked along they came upon a beautiful sexy blonde sunning au natural on a rock. (Ok, she was butt nekkid).
The first redneck winked at her and asked "Are you game?"
"Sure am!" she exclaimed, winking back. So the second redneck shot her.

Smartest Lawyers Around
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey."
The second lawyer responded, "Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. They were still arguing when the train hit them.