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Hand full of funnies....Maybe #7641127 10/24/19 09:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 50
DHarden Offline OP
OP Offline
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 50
Oh, deer
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.

Two hunters in deer camp woke up in the middle of the night. "Look at the stars... what a splendor," said one hunter. "Yeah but what do you think happened to our tent?" said the other.

You gotta believe
A hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods during deer season when suddenly a 1,000-pound non-typical whitetail deer stepped out. "Good God!" exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me." The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."

Religious skunks
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods on an early Saturday morning. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."

Short season
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.

Uniquely funny
How do you catch a unique deer? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame deer? Tame way - unique up on it!

Every hour on the hour
Two deer-est friends (get it?!) decided to try hunting for the first time, and separated to increases their chances. "What if we get lost?" says one of them. "Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour" says the other. "I saw it on TV." Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. "Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter. "Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."

Sunday hunter
One Sunday a Minister feigned illness so he could go deer hunting. That morning he shot a good sized 14-point buck! Saint Peter looked down from Heaven and said to God, "You aren't going to let him bag a prize like that are you?" "Why not?" God replied. "Who's he going to tell?"

Duh, deer
A deer hunter got on his hands and knees to take a closer at some tracks. That's when he got hit by the train.

Hunting is the least of their worries
Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."

Try and try again
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. "The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them," said the pilot, trying to be friendly. Unwilling to leave their dead deer, the hunters said "We got six on the plane last year." The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, "Any idea where we are?" The second hunter said, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."

Burger and fries
A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries. After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here." "At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
Thanks, Pastor
A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt any time."

Watch what you say
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before. "It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted. Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag. "Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter. "All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"

Well, there's your answer
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, take careful aim, fire, and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies: "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.

That can't be right
Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."

Ah, I get it
Which side of a deer has the most meat? The inside.

Deer stories
A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over. He reminded them that they often tell the same stories. "Not so," said one friend. "We re-share, you repeat."

Better value
What's cheaper, beer nuts or deer nuts? Deer nuts, because they're under a buck!

Nice try
On the way home from a hunt in which he harvested no deer meat, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a few of your cheapest kind of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hotdogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"

Re: Hand full of funnies....Maybe [Re: DHarden] #7641133 10/24/19 09:07 PM
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fray Offline
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