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Thoughts #7634031 10/16/19 02:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner Offline OP
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.When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.



.To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.



.When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time

between yesterday and 15 years ago.



.Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself."

Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."



Cop: "Please step out of the car."

Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."



.I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.



.I had my patience tested. I'm negative.



.Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as

a Tupperware lid the doesn't fit any of your containers.



.If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to

you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"



.When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing,"

it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.



.Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.



.I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days,

but whatever.



.I run like the winded.



.I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the

beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.



.When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint

and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"



.I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that

I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells

me it was awesome.



.When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like

a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?



.I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember

things and get really excited.



.When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."



.It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.



.Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring.

Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.



.That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns

you into a karate master.



.Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta

nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever.

We call those people cops.



.The older I get, the earlier it gets late.



.My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.


Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill


[Linked Image]




Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7634165 10/16/19 04:30 PM
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fishdfly Offline
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Some of these come close to home.

Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7634178 10/16/19 04:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
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Are these excerpts from your auto -biography
bolt


Do not forget to entertain strangers, For by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels
Hebrews 13:2
Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7636464 10/19/19 05:32 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
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RedHoss Offline
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Hey! Why is he spreading gossip about me like that? LOL

Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7636471 10/19/19 06:45 AM
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oldrancher Offline
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I resemble all of those observations.

Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7638830 10/22/19 12:45 PM
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Stub Online Happy
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A bunch of good ones that are so true nuts


texas flag








Re: Thoughts [Re: bill oxner] #7638903 10/22/19 02:18 PM
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jakebunch Online Content
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Hit uncomfortably close to home!!

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