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What started the fight?
#7604515
09/11/19 09:33 PM
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 32,494
kmon11
OP
junior
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OP
junior
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 32,494 |
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_____________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
lf the saying "Liar, Liar your pants on fire" were true Mainstream news might be fun to watch
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7604529
09/11/19 09:55 PM
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Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 19,132
TCM3
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 19,132 |
A++
Do not forget to entertain strangers, For by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels Hebrews 13:2 (R-TX)
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7604533
09/11/19 09:57 PM
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 15,642
QuitShootinYoungBucks
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 15,642 |
https://web.archive.org/web/20170223065011/http:/www.rrdvegas.com/silencer-cleaning.html
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7604722
09/12/19 01:43 AM
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,746
fredeboy
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,746 |
Perfect!!! ROFLMAO
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7604761
09/12/19 02:14 AM
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,176
Bee'z
The Beedazzler
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The Beedazzler
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,176 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7604901
09/12/19 10:48 AM
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Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 3,458
redhaze
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 3,458 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7605018
09/12/19 01:23 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 11,236
Pope&Young
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 11,236 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7605107
09/12/19 02:43 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,203
CCBIRDDOGMAN
Bird Herder
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Bird Herder
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,203 |
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out. I am a sucker for happy endings and strapped cowboys.
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: CCBIRDDOGMAN]
#7605380
09/12/19 08:16 PM
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,244
TEXASLEFTY
THF Whiskey Sommelier
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THF Whiskey Sommelier
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,244 |
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7605577
09/13/19 12:16 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 17,117
MikeC
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 17,117 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7605641
09/13/19 01:03 AM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,287
scalebuster
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,287 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7606170
09/13/19 06:09 PM
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 122
Jamoke
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 122 |
I was sitting at my Grumpy old neighbors kitchen table, his wife was washing dishes. He asked me what I got my wife for Christmas, I told him I got her an I pad and a Diamond bracelet. He asked why did you get her the bracelet? I said in case she didn't like the IPAD I got her the bracelet. I asked what he got for his wife who was just a few feet away. He said I got her a sweater and a dildo, He said, I got her the dildo in case she didn't like the sweater she could go "F" herself.... And that's when the fight started.
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: redhaze]
#7606259
09/13/19 08:36 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,524
SnakeWrangler
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,524 |
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7607094
09/15/19 03:20 AM
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,776
nak
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,776 |
We all need to practice Whoa more.
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7607098
09/15/19 03:25 AM
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,776
nak
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,776 |
The wife was standing in the bathroom in a foul mood. I asked "What's Wrong?" Her response was "I cannot believe I've gained a little weight, despite trying to eat better?" "Neither do I" That's when the fight started
We all need to practice Whoa more.
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7608413
09/17/19 12:14 AM
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 855
FWFish
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 855 |
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Re: What started the fight?
[Re: kmon11]
#7615515
09/25/19 02:41 AM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 46,950
Gravytrain
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 46,950 |
Upon us all, upon us all, a little rain must fall
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