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Mar 25th, 2012
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What started the fight? #7604515 09/11/19 09:33 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 25,936
kmon1 Online Shocked OP
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7604529 09/11/19 09:55 PM
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TCM3 Offline
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A++
rofl


bolt
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7604533 09/11/19 09:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
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QuitShootinYoungBucks Online Content
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banana


[Linked Image]

https://web.archive.org/web/20170223065011/http:/www.rrdvegas.com/silencer-cleaning.html
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7604722 09/12/19 01:43 AM
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fredeboy Online Content
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Perfect!!! ROFLMAO roflmao roflmao

Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7604761 09/12/19 02:14 AM
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roflmao roflmao roflmao


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Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7604901 09/12/19 10:48 AM
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fray Online Content
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Laugh out funny funny!

Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7605018 09/12/19 01:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 6,869
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Pope&Young Offline
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rofl rofl rofl


Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7605107 09/12/19 02:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
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All good ones


Originally Posted by bill oxner
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out.
Re: What started the fight? [Re: CCBIRDDOGMAN] #7605380 09/12/19 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by CCBIRDDOGMAN
All good ones


Yep


Originally Posted By: Chunky Monkey
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7605577 09/13/19 12:16 AM
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roflmao rofl


www.connerknives.net

In every old body lives a young person wondering what the hell happened!

[Linked Image]
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7605641 09/13/19 01:03 AM
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roflmao

Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7606170 09/13/19 06:09 PM
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I was sitting at my Grumpy old neighbors kitchen table, his wife was washing dishes. He asked me what I got my wife for Christmas, I told him I got her an I pad and a Diamond bracelet. He asked why did you get her the bracelet? I said in case she didn't like the IPAD I got her the bracelet. I asked what he got for his wife who was just a few feet away. He said I got her a sweater and a dildo, He said, I got her the dildo in case she didn't like the sweater she could go "F" herself.... And that's when the fight started.

Re: What started the fight? [Re: fray] #7606259 09/13/19 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by fray
Laugh out funny funny!


Originally Posted By: skinnerback
Milf does the trick.

"You're statistically more likely to be killed by Hillary Clinton than an NRA member. - PolitiDiva

"You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7607094 09/15/19 03:20 AM
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roflmao


NRA Lifer / Member TSRA
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7607098 09/15/19 03:25 AM
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The wife was standing in the bathroom in a foul mood.
I asked "What's Wrong?"
Her response was "I cannot believe I've gained a little weight, despite trying to eat better?"
"Neither do I"
That's when the fight started


NRA Lifer / Member TSRA
Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7608413 09/17/19 12:14 AM
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funny stuff!!!

Re: What started the fight? [Re: kmon1] #7615515 09/25/19 02:41 AM
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clap

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