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Why we love our children
#7416594
01/28/19 02:06 AM
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047
mikei
OP
THF Trophy Hunter
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OP
THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047 |
Why we love children. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." The minister started his Children’s Sermon with a question, “Who knows what a Resurrection is?” Without missing a beat a young boy says, “If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician.” The pastor is still laughing. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy $hit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Last edited by mikei; 01/28/19 02:08 AM.
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416626
01/28/19 02:48 AM
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,795
dogcatcher
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 110,795 |
Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back. _____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416664
01/28/19 04:20 AM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 69,191
NORML as can be
^^Cut the Cord^^
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^^Cut the Cord^^
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 69,191 |
(R-TX) .-- " TCNN CURL CRLB VFF VRNO AYR SNDL CGC TLRY MSOS "
_=====___=________==-
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416667
01/28/19 04:27 AM
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,177
Bee'z
The Beedazzler
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The Beedazzler
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,177 |
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416668
01/28/19 04:27 AM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,589
Brandon Adamcik
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,589 |
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416743
01/28/19 12:47 PM
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 15,490
reeltexan
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 15,490 |
"Give me an Army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle... Give me a handful of Texas Aggies and I'll win a war." - General Patton
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416745
01/28/19 12:48 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 11,236
Pope&Young
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416757
01/28/19 01:16 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,130
TXHOGSLAYER
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,130 |
That last one really made me laugh.
LETS GO BRANDON
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7416764
01/28/19 01:28 PM
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 33,955
Buzzsaw
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Greatness
I love children....................................when they are properly cooked...................................bada-boooooom
SPACE FOR RENT
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: dogcatcher]
#7417189
01/28/19 07:59 PM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 43,911
Stub
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Re: Why we love our children
[Re: mikei]
#7417498
01/29/19 01:16 AM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,987
Michael W.
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 5,987 |
A clear conscience is often the sign of a fuzzy memory.
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