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Mar 25th, 2012
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Something we'll all face one day ... #7156482
05/01/18 02:15 PM
05/01/18 02:15 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,561
Denison, TX
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How to Tell a Friend That You Are Dying ...

It is one of the hardest things in life to be told that you are going to die. Another challenging and sad task is telling your friends. Too often there are articles on how to receive such information but less on how to go ahead and give the information. It takes courage and love but you can do it.

Steps to consider ...

1. Realize what NOT telling your good friend will do. He or she will be shocked and upset that you kept the information secret. While you may be afraid of telling them for fear of scaring them or upsetting them, it is better for them to hear it from you than on the grapevine - or worse: at your funeral.

2. Choose a pleasant and peaceful place to break the news. A local garden or your own home are good choices. It helps to be seated as this is never the stuff of strong legs. Include coffee or a pot of tea to ease dry throats and provide a source of distracting comfort.

3. Start by telling them what a great friend they are. Recall that you have had both good and bad times together and have always pulled through and that now you have some news to tell that you want your friend to hear with good grace and understanding.

4. Be straightforward. Do not beat around the bush but use clear language. Tell your friend "I have lung and bone cancer and the doctors say it is inoperable and incurable. I am dying. They have given me up to six months to live."

5. Expect shock, tears and even silence. This is not bearable news for either of you. Your emotions will be hard to control because you are telling a good friend you know you won't be talking to in a few months' time. Use hugs and holding of hands as a sign of deep connection. At a time like this, often no more words are needed but a great deal of comfort is essential. At this point, there is no rule book or how-to ... you will both do what feels right at the moment.

6. Let your friend speak and voice their emotions. Your friend is in shock and may say things that don't quite gel with your needs or interests. Just listen and let it flow out; it'll become quite clear later to your friend what she or he has said in moments of un-clarity. Your own emotions will be turbulent but it is best to try to not think "but I'm the one who's dying". This doesn't change anything and will only embitter you.

7. Ask for whatever you need. Your friend will want to help and it is always a good idea to have something in mind for your friend to do. This provides a sense of coping for your friend and also alleviates concerns that your friend may have about you needing assistance. You might like to be driven to the doctor's weekly or to have your friend visit a little more often.

8. Keep in touch with each other. This is not the time for letting go of friendships and feeling self-pity. The life you have remaining counts for everything and friendship is a vital part of the support, love and care that you deserve.

So thanks for reading this and thanks even more for your friendship.


Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7156622
05/01/18 03:38 PM
05/01/18 03:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,666
New Braunfels TX USA
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RayB Online content
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New Braunfels TX USA
Cappy the dog will be waiting at the bridge and will be glad to see you. Just know you're going to a better place. We all have to go but knowing it eminent, I don't know how I would face that. I hope it's as bravely as you seam to be taking it.


There is time, and you must take it, to lay your hand on your dog's head as you walk past him lying on the floor or on his settle, time to talk with him, to remember with him, time to please him, time you can't buy back once he's gone" GBE
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7156629
05/01/18 03:44 PM
05/01/18 03:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,561
Denison, TX
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I have friends waiting for me there ...

[img]https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/...ogs.jpg_2.jpg_m[/img]

Last edited by Cappy_TX; 05/01/18 03:45 PM.

Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7156771
05/01/18 05:38 PM
05/01/18 05:38 PM
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I've enjoyed reading your posts over the years, weather it be for wisdom, dog advice, waterfowl advice etc. You ve always provided us with some insight to things and perspectives many of us did not know.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7156886
05/01/18 07:30 PM
05/01/18 07:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 7,450
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Duck_Hunter Online content
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Prayers up, Cappy.


Originally Posted By: bill oxner
I just turned it on . I was looking bird dogs in the butt this morning.


Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157059
05/01/18 11:03 PM
05/01/18 11:03 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28,650
Lake X
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Lake X
Iím really saddened by this post Cappy, prayers up my friend.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Guy] #7157120
05/01/18 11:55 PM
05/01/18 11:55 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,503
Sanger, Texas
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I've never met you but from the forum know you are one of the gooduns! See ya there someday. Give Mikey, Reba and Penny a pat on the head and an ear rub or two for me and let them know I will see them someday.


Bobby Barnett

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Duck_Hunter] #7157155
05/02/18 12:21 AM
05/02/18 12:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 11,836
Lake Texoma, TX
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Originally Posted By: Duck_Hunter
Prayers up, Cappy.


angel

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157267
05/02/18 02:43 AM
05/02/18 02:43 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 254
NorthTarrant County
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Charlie817 Offline
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Prayers for you and yours Cappy. I share with you the loss and heartache of my lab. Prayers you reunite.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157603
05/02/18 02:38 PM
05/02/18 02:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,587
The Great State
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I'm very sorry to read this, Cappy. Prayers up to you and yours.


Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: LarryCopper] #7157722
05/02/18 04:41 PM
05/02/18 04:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,561
Denison, TX
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Thanks to those who've expressed concern and offered good thoughts. I had two lobes of my right lung removed in mid-December due to cancer. We thought they got it all then but it's since metastasized into bone cancer for which there is no surgery or other cure. I'll be 77 in October and have lived a long and successful life for which I'm very grateful. A good wife and a number of excellent dogs over the years who, for whatever reason, loved me in return. What more can one really ask for? wink


Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157755
05/02/18 05:14 PM
05/02/18 05:14 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,976
New Braunfels, San Saba county
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Blessings your way sir, do concentrate on the good things you have experienced in life.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157775
05/02/18 05:25 PM
05/02/18 05:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 83
College Station, TX
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College Station, TX
I'm very sorry to read this. God bless you and comfort you.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7157866
05/02/18 06:49 PM
05/02/18 06:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 242
DFW
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DFW
God bless you Cappy. I spent many years reading your posts and enjoyed learning from you. You have been an inspiration to me for working hard to own my own piece of land someday like you did. Look forward to seeing you on the other side someday. frown

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7158050
05/02/18 09:27 PM
05/02/18 09:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 299
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Cappy, I just saw this and you have know idea how sad this makes me and my group feel.

I do know one thing, there will always be a wetlands in Fannin County named "Cappy's".

God Bless You my friend!

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7158114
05/02/18 10:32 PM
05/02/18 10:32 PM
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Posts: 8,503
bastrop county
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Cappy, well said, something we each have to face. the Lord is with you.


hold on Newt, we got a runaway
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: texas wetlands] #7158267
05/03/18 12:53 AM
05/03/18 12:53 AM
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Denison, TX
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Texas Wetlands ... Don't recognize your screen name but very much appreciate your kind words and especially the comment about "Cappy's in Fannin County." He was with me in 2004 when we bought that wetlands property; virtually every time I was there doing any pre-season work on it; and most definitely every time we hunted or went there up through 2012 when the generous new owner allowed me to scatter Cappy's ashes there. It was his favorite place ever.



Last edited by Cappy_TX; 05/03/18 12:29 PM.

Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7158327
05/03/18 01:48 AM
05/03/18 01:48 AM
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Posts: 2,165
Lakeway/Fredericksburg
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Prayers to Cappy


TexasVine
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7159628
05/04/18 03:18 AM
05/04/18 03:18 AM
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I had the pleasure of hunting with Cappy and his dog Remi one frosty morning. Helped to install a homemade ice eater that Cappy had "engineered". Was able to pick his brain on dog training for my female yellow lab, Kendall and witness the haven he created for his family/wildlife. Truly a man who invested more into a way of life and only expected in return, time spent with his pups and family. Wish there were more like him but in the same sense glad that he will always be one of a kind.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7159770
05/04/18 11:31 AM
05/04/18 11:31 AM
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Posts: 250
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Prayers Up For Ya Cappy.

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7160488
05/04/18 09:52 PM
05/04/18 09:52 PM
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Denison, TX
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TrackQuack ... enjoyed having you up to "Cappy's place" for a hunt. Having friends and acquaintances hunt with us, especially if they have their own dogs with, is one of the great pleasures we derived from owning and developing that place inoto a credible training area and hunting spot.


Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7161260
05/05/18 08:22 PM
05/05/18 08:22 PM
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Posts: 14,276
Black Dog, Texas
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So sorry to hear this. I've always enjoyed your posts and stories.
Love ya, Jim.


Jason

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7163132
05/07/18 09:51 PM
05/07/18 09:51 PM
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Sir,
we typed a few times and have never met. I wish for you most peaceful exit. You will be missed here.. Olducker

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX] #7167065
05/11/18 05:35 PM
05/11/18 05:35 PM
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Posts: 990
Snyder, TX
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Sorry to hear this Cappy, glad to see you seem to be at peace with what you are facing. Will be praying for you and your family.

I was asked to post this message:

Nevada Jim,

I was recently forwarded your post from an old friend of ours from the DU forum. My prayers are with you and Carol. I have enjoyed our many conversations on ducks and dogs. Fear not. Be strong and courageous. Your faith has saved you.

Your friend
Swamper

Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: sprigsss] #7167088
05/11/18 05:58 PM
05/11/18 05:58 PM
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Denison, TX
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Thanks so much for those kind words, Swamper. Mine has been a long journey. I've been blessed with almost 77 years of existence on this earth that has included a wonderful wife (and hunting partner), nine gun dogs ranging from good to spectacular, and enough blind luck to be able to retire at age 49 with financial independence. Along the way, I've met some exceptional people that I've been lucky enough to call friends. In addition, there have been dozens of folks like you that I've been very blessed to have made the acquaintance of as we shared hunting, fishing and dog experiences. I thank each and every one of them for enriching my life along the way.


Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.
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