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Personal Question #7112088 03/15/18 04:40 PM
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I’ve reached a point in my life that I’m not sure what to do. My wife and I had our first child at the end of December. I didn’t do really any hunting this season because it was impossible to get away and leave the baby. I’ve spent the past four years hunting at my family’s property in Canton, and I’ve seen only a handful of legal deer in that time. I mentioned to my wife that I would like to look into joining a deer lease this upcoming year. I mentioned some of the cheaper leases that I found and she was not on board. We are both teachers, so she doesn’t feel we will have the money for a lease. Plus we now have all of the expenses that come with a child. She’s also afraid that I’ll be gone all the time leaving her with the baby. She doesn’t see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.

Now I’m faced with many questions. I can do public hunting, but you guys know the success rates involved with public hunting. Plus I feel public hunting requires more time and effort than having a lease. How do you guys juggle being fathers and husbands while being hunters? Does it sound like I should even continue hunting? I’m tired of spending time and money and constantly being unsuccessful or even getting a real shot at an animal.

Not looking for a pity party. Just advice.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112091 03/15/18 04:45 PM
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when they are young, its tough. it gets easier when they get older. trust me. i got three little girls and i hunt plenty.

once you and the wife get the hang of the baby thing, it aint no problem to be alone with the kid. that dont mean leave her alone all the time, but shell get to the point of being ok with you leaving to go hunting.

the lease will probably have to wait though lol



Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112095 03/15/18 04:50 PM
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Weekend hunt with quality outfitter or day lease.

As far as the issues between you two, I'd say get counseling now.
Many good fathers have / had jobs that required travel / time away from home ranging from a few days per week to months at a time.
A few weekends per year spent hunting shouldn't be that big of a deal.
If she's attempting the guilt trip thing, good luck.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112096 03/15/18 04:50 PM
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Sounds like your wife won’t let you hunt anymore because you’ve had a kid. I’d start with lining that out right quick.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112101 03/15/18 04:52 PM
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Prior to hunting season I try and have all the dates I am going to be gone on the calendar so there are no surprises.

I agree you should wait maybe one more year to look for a lease.

However, if my opinion everyone needs their time away, you can't spend every waking moment without going crazy. Hopefully you are telling her that you don't mind her to go on a girls weekend on occasion. To me spending every moment of free time you have with your child doesn't make you a better father if you are gone hunting once a month.


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Re: Personal Question [Re: preston629] #7112103 03/15/18 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted By: preston629
when they are young, its tough. it gets easier when they get older. trust me. i got three little girls and i hunt plenty.

once you and the wife get the hang of the baby thing, it aint no problem to be alone with the kid. that dont mean leave her alone all the time, but shell get to the point of being ok with you leaving to go hunting.

the lease will probably have to wait though lol


This for me and once the kiddos were older I just took them with me. win win


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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112111 03/15/18 04:59 PM
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Use this time to spend a few dollars buying points in other states. It’s relatively inexpensive to apply for points. Only when you draw the tag does it cost you a couple hundred bucks which is still way cheaper than an annual lease expense. By the time your child is 4-5 you’ll have enough points to hunt quite a few animals. It will be a one time trip the year you go (a weeekend to a week at most). You’ll be out very little money compared to the expense of a lease. I would give up my lease in a heart beat if it wasn’t that I wanted a place for my kids and father to hunt. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother with the expense and headaches.

As far as helping out at home, there isn’t an alternative. You do what you are expected to do. As mentioned above, you guys will quickly figure things out. You might consider once your child gets a little older, surprise your wife and say “hey, you need some time away from the kid. I’ll take care of him/her for the weekend. Go be with your friends. I got this.” She will 1) realize hey, if he can do this by himself so can I. 2) She will also realize you need your time alone also..... to go hunting. It will work out, just don’t make her feel like she is doing it alone otherwise you won’t ever get a “hall pass” to get out of the house. Good luck.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112140 03/15/18 05:22 PM
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I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime.

Re: Personal Question [Re: Theringworm] #7112143 03/15/18 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted By: Theringworm
Use this time to spend a few dollars buying points in other states. It’s relatively inexpensive to apply for points. Only when you draw the tag does it cost you a couple hundred bucks which is still way cheaper than an annual lease expense. By the time your child is 4-5 you’ll have enough points to hunt quite a few animals. It will be a one time trip the year you go (a weeekend to a week at most). You’ll be out very little money compared to the expense of a lease. I would give up my lease in a heart beat if it wasn’t that I wanted a place for my kids and father to hunt. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother with the expense and headaches.

As far as helping out at home, there isn’t an alternative. You do what you are expected to do. As mentioned above, you guys will quickly figure things out. You might consider once your child gets a little older, surprise your wife and say “hey, you need some time away from the kid. I’ll take care of him/her for the weekend. Go be with your friends. I got this.” She will 1) realize hey, if he can do this by himself so can I. 2) She will also realize you need your time alone also..... to go hunting. It will work out, just don’t make her feel like she is doing it alone otherwise you won’t ever get a “hall pass” to get out of the house. Good luck.


This is good advice.

My son will be two next month. I did almost no hunting the first year for pretty much the same reasons you have stated. Trust me, everything about the situation gets better. The biggest thing is they just take less work as they get older and it gets a lot easier for one person to handle. For the first six months, my wife couldn't take him to the grocery store by herself. Now, a week alone while I hunt is not a big deal. Don't push the issue now while it still seems so overwhelming to her, wait until she is comfortable spending longer times along with the little one, which will happen naturally.

What I do now is a combination of putting in for a ton of public land hunts in Texas, as well as building points out west for other trips. It doesn't cost much money at all compared to a lease - if I don't draw anything, its about $300-$400 spaced out over the year. I have had great times on the TX public draws and you get to play the "I won" card. My wife seems to be more understanding under those circumstances. This can also work with western tags with 100% draw odds wink

After giving up hunting that first year, my wife and I have come to a great understanding. I help out a lot when she needs it, whether it is going out with the girls, gym, beauty salon, etc., to just grabbing the kiddo and heading out on our own on a Saturday to give her some down time. As a result, she is completely fine with me taking one big trip per year, or a couple of shorter trips. Take care of her, and the rest will work itself out. Happy wife, happy life smile

Re: Personal Question [Re: unclebubba] #7112154 03/15/18 05:38 PM
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[quote=unclebubba]I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime


Very well stated!

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112167 03/15/18 05:46 PM
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Very nice for all. up

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112178 03/15/18 05:54 PM
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Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
She doesn’t see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.


This part really scares me for you, honestly. I would bet your wife grew up in a family where no one hunted, which is similar to my wife. But I laid down the law pretty quickly that she can expect me to be gone most weekends from November thru January. She was mad at first because her Dad had no hobbies and that is what she grew up with, but eventually she just accepted it.

I have 4 kids...2,5,7,9. I go hunting almost every weekend and have ever since we started having kids. In fact, I went on a 5 day duck hunting trip when my 3rd kid was 4 weeks old and we had a newborn, 1 year old, and 3 year old. Your wife doesn't realize how easy having only one kid is.

The money part I can understand, and the cost may not be feasible, but saying you can't be a good father by going hunting is absolutely ridiculous.

Re: Personal Question [Re: DocHorton] #7112188 03/15/18 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted By: DocHorton
Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
She doesn’t see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.


This part really scares me for you, honestly. I would bet your wife grew up in a family where no one hunted, which is similar to my wife. But I laid down the law pretty quickly that she can expect me to be gone most weekends from November thru January. She was mad at first because her Dad had no hobbies and that is what she grew up with, but eventually she just accepted it.

The money part I can understand, and the cost may not be feasible, but saying you can't be a good father by going hunting is absolutely ridiculous.



I agree on this big time


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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112202 03/15/18 06:03 PM
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I bought a nice enough travel trailer(nice potty/satellite tv) at my lease that my wife didn't mind going and bringing our son when he was a baby. That way you are not just leaving her by herself every weekend. All my son knows in the fall is hunting grin

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112214 03/15/18 06:12 PM
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Sounds to me like she already feels like she is carrying the majority of the load when it comes to the child and she feels like you are trying to avoid responsibility by finding a reason to be gone more. I’m not saying this is the case but that’s what it sounds like. Life is about balancing fun/wants with responsibilities/needs. Maybe just go plan a hunt with an outfitter first r the next few years while the kid is a toddler. It won’t require as much work and prep and you will only be gone 1 weekend and chances at game will be much better, price will prob be less than what a lease and feeders/feed would cost for a year. Maybe schedule her a day with her girls friends at a spa or something and take care of the baby. Life is about sacrifices but you shouldn’t have to give up everything and being away from your child for a weekend surely doesn’t make you a bad father.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112224 03/15/18 06:20 PM
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It sounds like she was not raised around hunting. My first wife wasn't, but honestly, I don't remember her complaining about me leaving her with the girls. Of course, she eventually TOLD me to leave her with the kids...permanently, so take that for what it's worth.

Sounds like you gotta do a lot more talking to her about it.

I'm not a huge fan of Dave Ramsey, but I do like his line "A man has to kill something and drag it home." It's who we are.


...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112226 03/15/18 06:22 PM
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I know my wife would be a bigger fan of the deer lease idea if there was a way for us to have lodging with our daughter. I imagine the only way that’d be possible is buying a travel trailer. She enjoys being in the woods, but she wouldn’t ever hunt. My wife’s biggest complaint is the financial part and being separated for the weekend. Doc - you are right in the fact that she didn’t have any family members that were hunters before me.

I would love to go hunting with my daughter in the future. I can tell already that she likes being outside. When she starts crying we usually take her in the backyard and she instantly calms down. I’ve already planned on buying her a 10/22 as her first gun. Uncle Bubba has described how I want to raise my kid.

Maybe I’ll look into travel trailers throughout the year and see if I can get one fixed up. I’ll look into outfitters for next season where I can bring the family. I want my daughter to experience as much as possible. I’ll have to put off the deer lease for another year at minimum.

Any other advice? I appreciate the responses.

Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112231 03/15/18 06:26 PM
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You will have to miss out on some trips probably but no reason you cant still go. For this first year may be a good idea to stick to the family land and give her a hand before you go branching out too far. Take care of business at home and she will see... if she doesn't point it out to her.


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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112251 03/15/18 06:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
Any other advice? I appreciate the responses.


A Professional Hunter told me once to spend as much on the wife as you do on hunting. He was right.


...and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen. 1:28
Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112280 03/15/18 07:08 PM
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Shea, It sounds to me like you have a perfect opportunity with your family land that will cost next to nothing. In my little disertation above, Most of my hunting the first five years was on public land. As I had said, my first few years with my boy were spent pursuing squirrel and rabbits. At first, I was bummed out that I was unable to deer hunt the way I was used to doing, but squirrel and rabbit hunting brought me back to my own childhood when I would take to the woods with my .22 and hunt squirrel and rabbits. And just because you have a daughter does not mean she won't enjoy hunting as much as you do. My Dad took my sister hunting too, and they have some of the greatest stories form our family...like the time they spooked some roosted Turkeys when walking in before dawn and one of the Turkeys brushed a wingtip across her face as they flew off. I still chuckle thinking about the look on her face...but I digress. If I were in your shoes, I would build a place on your family land to stay (if there is not one already), and enjoy it for a few years. When your girl gets older, then look for better hunting.

We have always hunted as a family, and still do. Thanksgiving is our annual family hunt. Dad, Me, Sister, brother in law, my niece, my nephew, and of course my Son. Hunting with the family trumps Trophy deer any day of the week in my opinion. That is just my 2cents for what it is worth.

Re: Personal Question [Re: Creekrunner] #7112285 03/15/18 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted By: Creekrunner
Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
Any other advice? I appreciate the responses.


A Professional Hunter told me once to spend as much on the wife as you do on hunting. He was right.


Hmm... I think your Professional Hunter must have a talk show cause my wife has been saying the exact same thing bang

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Re: Personal Question [Re: Creekrunner] #7112359 03/15/18 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted By: Creekrunner
Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
Any other advice? I appreciate the responses.


A Professional Hunter told me once to spend as much on the wife as you do on hunting. He was right.


OR at least make it appear that way, LOL!

Give it a little more time, so she can be confident having her by herself. After that, explain to her that your not going to feel happy and content without hunting in your life. Encourage her to share the experience with you if possible. My wife isn't interested in sharing the hunting experience, so I just make sure to balance things out with stuff she likes to do. Marriage is give and take, not laying the law down. This needs to be explained to your wife.


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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112472 03/15/18 09:29 PM
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If I read your comments correctly, your wife is mostly concerned with you spending money on a lease and would be agreeable to you hunting the family tract. If so, are you sure you can't find good success on the family tract? How many acres? What type of habitat? I've seen small tracts with poor habitat that could still produce a good buck or two every year.


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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112484 03/15/18 09:42 PM
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Go hunt public, enjoy the tranquility, sun rises and sunsets.

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Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail] #7112496 03/15/18 09:57 PM
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I’ve been right where you are.

It’s a balance.

IMO “laying down the law” about what you are going to do because that’s the way you’ve always done it is no different than her “laying down the law” that you won’t hunt anymore because you are married with small kid(s) now. As I said, balance.

Communicate. Explain that some hunting time will make you a better father, not a worse one. Explain that you will do whatever you need to make sure she has some “me” time too. After all, she has needs as a person just like you do. I have hunted all my life and all over North America, but I would never have left my wife alone for extended periods with young kid(s). That said, one weekend a month to refresh and recharge you is reasonable even at your stage in life. But it’s reasonable for her have some time too. And don’t forget to have a little time for both of you alone.

Give and take. Balance. Communication.

I would probably seek out family, friends, and/or public land opportunities and forego the lease idea for this year.

Good luck and hope it all works out for you.


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