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My neighbor
#6735181
04/14/17 08:08 PM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416 |
She's single
She's shapely
She's beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.
I opened the door, and she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight. Are you doing anything?” I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!” "Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?”
Being a senior citizen really sucks!
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6735183
04/14/17 08:16 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
Columbus kicked an Indian in the backside for telling that joke.
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: Cast]
#6735199
04/14/17 08:43 PM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416
bill oxner
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 91,416 |
Columbus kicked an Indian in the backside for telling that joke. Stick it.
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6735582
04/15/17 10:08 AM
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,790
pigplinker
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,790 |
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: Cast]
#6735612
04/15/17 12:25 PM
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,750
colt45-90
Texas colt45
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Texas colt45
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,750 |
Columbus kicked an Indian in the backside for telling that joke. I thought it was Noah
hold on Newt, we got a runaway
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6735660
04/15/17 01:38 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
You know what Bill's thinking.
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6735672
04/15/17 01:51 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
I feel guilty For killing his thread. Here's a joke Bill told me and probably forgot about. He's like ancient ya know.
A shipwreck occurred, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island. They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was. At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier. It was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, and she noticed this. One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above love life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… “What’s wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him. “Really?, you’ll do anything I’d like?” “yes” she said “anything!” “OK, first i want you to take off your toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore” “OK…” “Now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” those so they are flat” “Wha… ok, I’d say I’d do anything” she said lovingly. “Ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it” she was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. “Now I'd like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache” “OK… if this is what you want…” she muttered. “now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach i’ll catch up to you in a bit” he said a bit excited. She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was h… Suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says, “DUDE!!! You wont believe who I’ve been shacking up with for the past 6 months!”
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6735964
04/15/17 10:50 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,273
blackcoal
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,273 |
Don't think I would admit to telling or remembering either.
The Greatest Enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.--Stephen Hawking
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: Cast]
#6735985
04/15/17 11:13 PM
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,750
colt45-90
Texas colt45
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Texas colt45
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,750 |
I feel guilty For killing his thread. Here's a joke Bill told me and probably forgot about. He's like ancient ya know.
A shipwreck occurred, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island. They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was. At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier. It was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, and she noticed this. One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above love life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… “What’s wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him. “Really?, you’ll do anything I’d like?” “yes” she said “anything!” “OK, first i want you to take off your toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore” “OK…” “Now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” those so they are flat” “Wha… ok, I’d say I’d do anything” she said lovingly. “Ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it” she was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. “Now I'd like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache” “OK… if this is what you want…” she muttered. “now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach i’ll catch up to you in a bit” he said a bit excited. She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was h… Suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says, “DUDE!!! You wont believe who I’ve been shacking up with for the past 6 months!”
I had to chuckle
hold on Newt, we got a runaway
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6736797
04/17/17 01:31 AM
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,531
retfuz
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,531 |
That's a goodun!
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: bill oxner]
#6736808
04/17/17 01:38 AM
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,422
Bee'z
The Beedazzler
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The Beedazzler
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,422 |
Not going to lie. I laughed since it was Bill posting it
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Re: My neighbor
[Re: Cast]
#6737998
04/18/17 02:32 AM
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,812
Deerhunter61
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7,812 |
You know what Bill's thinking. I think it was...
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