A retired guy was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for his loyal dog, which weighs 191 lbs. He was in the check-out line when a woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
What did she think he had an elephant?
Since he was retired and had little to do, on impulse he told her that no, he didn't have a dog, he was starting the Purina diet again. He added that he probably shouldn't, because he ended up in the hospital last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.
He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and he was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned had him. He told her no, but he had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit him.