Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8- Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6- Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1- Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your *** tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me:
Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!