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Mar 25th, 2012
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Santa the Gangsta #5234350 08/04/14 04:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2013
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BnT Offline OP
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Saw this on a different forum.

This is a whole new slant on "letters to Santa" .


Timmy writes to Santa






Dear Santa,


How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the


reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I


would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for


Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.


Merry Christmas,


Timmy Jones


* *






Dear Timmy,


Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all


fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the


time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to


get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you


something you can go outside and play with.


Merry Christmas,


Santa Claus






* *


Mr. Claus,


Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract,


set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to


granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this


joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at


my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit


trite?


Respectfully,


Tim Jones


* *






Mr. Jones,


While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria,


need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it


a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,


well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been


on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be


more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I


alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social


skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the


bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.


Very Truly Yours,


S Claus


* *






Now look here Fat Man,


I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was


attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends


into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys


and we're gonna be waiting for your fat [censored] and I'm taking my game console,


my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!


T-Bone


* *






Listen Pizza Face,


Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on


one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees


you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar,


genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your


**** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people


that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll


all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you


asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in


you're [censored] and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.


S Clizzy


* *






Dear Santa,


Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.


Timmy


* *






Timmy,


That's what I thought you little bastard.


Santa

Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: BnT] #5234440 08/04/14 05:46 PM
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jdk1985 Online Content
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pretty humorous

Last edited by jdk1985; 08/04/14 05:46 PM. Reason: bloody spelling
Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: BnT] #5234585 08/04/14 07:18 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
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Simple Searcher Offline
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roflmao


[Linked Image]
"Man is still a hunter, still a simple searcher after meat..." Robert C. Ruark
Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: BnT] #5234937 08/04/14 10:29 PM
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PMK Online Content
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clap


"everyone that lives dies but not everyone who dies lived..."

~PMK~
Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: BnT] #5236042 08/05/14 02:25 PM
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Nakraik Offline
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roflmao


Shot my first turkey today...Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: BnT] #5238892 08/06/14 09:27 PM
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clap roflmao woot

Re: Santa the Gangsta [Re: Simple Searcher] #5243281 08/09/14 02:32 AM
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TXHOGSLAYER Offline
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Originally Posted By: Simple Searcher
roflmao

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