I was telling a woman in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.