A Texan in Hell
Day 1 - Per his daily ritual, Satan walks through his domain to see that everyone is sufficiently miserable. As usual, he pauses to take special pleasure in the pain and agony displayed by the new arrivals. However, on this particular day he spots a lanky Texan smiling and looking like he's
at a picnic.
"Hey you!", Satan yells, "The temperature in here is a constant 95 degrees and the humidity is 90%! You're supposed to be miserable!"
Quips the Texan, "Maybe so, but it feels just like Houston in June to me. I had a lot of fun on those hot summer nights at Gilley's."
Miffed, Satan, decides to adjust the temperature up to 100 degrees and the humidity to 95%.
Day 2 - On his daily stroll, Satan notices everyone appears exceptionally miserable today. He then remembers the smiling Texan and decides to see how he's faring today. To his surprise, the Texan has unbuttoned a couple of buttons on his shirt, but he still looks happy and carefree.
Satan cries out, "Hey Tex, what are you smiling at now?".
The Texan replies, "Well this reminds me of those Willie Nelson 4th of July picnics. Boy those were some great parties."
This really irritated Satan, who immediately turned the temperature to 110 and the humidity to 100%.
Day 3 - Satan dispenses with his daily stroll and goes straight to the region of hell where he would locate the Texan. Sure enough, he finds the Texan, shirt-off, with a huge grin on his face.
"Okay, so what is it this time?" Satan asks.
"Well, it's just like Dallas in August. Man we had some great times watching the Cowboys play on a Sunday afternoons."
Totally irate, Satan determines to put an end to this charade. He sets the temperature down to zero degrees and whips up a 20 mile per hour wind.
Later that day, Satan can wait no longer and decides to check back on the fool hardy Texan. He finds him huddled and shivering...lips blue, arms folded, snow in his hair and icicles hanging from his mustache. But bigger than
Dallas, there he was laughing out loud and wearing a huge smile.
"I GIVE UP!" declared Satan. "What in blue blazes could you find to be happy about now?"
The Texan replied, "Well, this can only mean one thing...The Aggies have finally won a National Football Championship!"