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HOW TO START A FIGHT #3509631 08/25/12 06:02 AM
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Seadog Offline OP
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HOW TO START A FIGHT



One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to fool around?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My Word!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
the car.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________



My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________



My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________



I support Cap and Trade - Cap our spending and Trade Obama

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Seadog] #3515060 08/27/12 02:45 AM
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BBD84 Offline
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these are allways good


Texas Elite Outfitters.
281-924-9720
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: BBD84] #3516680 08/27/12 06:10 PM
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Texsun Offline
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Originally Posted By: BBD84
these are allways good


Sig Sauer P229 Elite, P226 Elite, SP2022
S&W Model 3
Win. Model 70's: 220 Swift, 270, 30.06, 300 Win Mag, 375 H&H
Savage Model 99 250-3000
Colt 6920
Ruger 10-22
Swedish and Chilean Mausers
Browning Citori White Lightning
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Texsun] #3518640 08/28/12 02:40 AM
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seacam Online Content
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Too funny!!!!

Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: seacam] #3521711 08/29/12 12:14 AM
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Kelly223 Offline
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Those were great jokes!!

Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Kelly223] #3523136 08/29/12 08:19 AM
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P1DTAY Offline
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Ya got me cracking up here!


texas
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: P1DTAY] #3523348 08/29/12 12:58 PM
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therock Offline
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Now you can a new one to the list.

Read these jokes to my wife

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED!! duel

Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: therock] #3543166 09/05/12 05:29 AM
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Ramsey Offline
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nice


Big Beckett!!
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Ramsey] #3545107 09/05/12 09:19 PM
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HICKORY12 Offline
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cry


Remember The Alamo. And GOD BLESS ROBERT E. LEE.
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Kelly223] #3547890 09/06/12 06:45 PM
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caldwelldeerhunter Offline
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Originally Posted By: Kelly223
Those were great jokes!!


If I put my wife in a high fence will her rack get bigger?
[Linked Image]
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: caldwelldeerhunter] #3550217 09/07/12 01:55 PM
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TheOakleyGuy Offline
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Lol they all made me laugh. Thanks


Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: TheOakleyGuy] #3563220 09/12/12 02:53 AM
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Joelk54 Offline
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My wife is about to cry.

Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Joelk54] #3563302 09/12/12 03:12 AM
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Mr Lebowski Offline
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I can relate to a few of them.....


Slayer of winged birds, sniper of four legged animals, Warrior of God!

Thank you Lord for providing us in the spiritual and physical aspects of our lives. You have given plenty of game for us to feed our families and pass on the heritage. God Bless Texas
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Mr Lebowski] #3601490 09/25/12 01:48 AM
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Rglover Offline
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Tell her you just bought a boat & get ready for the fight.

Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: Rglover] #3604192 09/25/12 10:09 PM
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"philo" Offline
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rofl


"philo"
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: caldwelldeerhunter] #3607158 09/26/12 06:06 PM
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forgetful_shooting Offline
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And thats when the fight started. classic


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Handmade Texas Wood Bullet Pens and other turnings.
www.etsy.com/shop/Swamphousewoodworks
Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT [Re: forgetful_shooting] #3611943 09/28/12 12:41 AM
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Kung Fu Widgeon Offline
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rofl

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