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southern humor #3503761 08/23/12 05:02 PM
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takewhatyoucan64 Offline OP
giddyup
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giddyup
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Posts: 18,849
Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.


Re: southern humor [Re: takewhatyoucan64] #3503865 08/23/12 05:32 PM
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TXHOGSLAYER Online Content
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HA



See y'all around the campfire.

Originally Posted by FiremanJG
I love a happy ending.


Re: southern humor [Re: TXHOGSLAYER] #3505313 08/24/12 12:55 AM
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Weldin Man Offline
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Pretty funny


Re: southern humor [Re: Weldin Man] #3507805 08/24/12 07:48 PM
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Nightbird Offline
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rofl



James

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
Friedrich Nietzsche
Re: southern humor [Re: Nightbird] #3507809 08/24/12 07:48 PM
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TooLow Offline
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clap


Re: southern humor [Re: TooLow] #3508329 08/24/12 10:19 PM
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JCLC43837 Offline
Bird Dog
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Posts: 259
lol


Re: southern humor [Re: JCLC43837] #3512704 08/26/12 01:35 PM
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Erny Online Content
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Not bad at all.


Re: southern humor [Re: Erny] #3515051 08/27/12 02:44 AM
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BBD84 Offline
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lol


Texas Elite Outfitters.
281-924-9720
Re: southern humor [Re: BBD84] #3516705 08/27/12 06:15 PM
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Texsun Offline
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I lol.


Sig Sauer P229 Elite, P226 Elite, SP2022
S&W Model 3
Win. Model 70's: 220 Swift, 270, 30.06, 300 Win Mag, 375 H&H
Savage Model 99 250-3000
Colt 6920
Ruger 10-22
Swedish and Chilean Mausers
Browning Citori White Lightning
Re: southern humor [Re: Texsun] #3550232 09/07/12 02:02 PM
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TheOakleyGuy Offline
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Loved the first one


Re: southern humor [Re: TheOakleyGuy] #3551634 09/07/12 10:20 PM
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chital_shikari Offline
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lol35

Re: southern humor [Re: chital_shikari] #3563171 09/12/12 02:42 AM
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Joelk54 Offline
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That's funny!

Re: southern humor [Re: Joelk54] #3601494 09/25/12 01:48 AM
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Rglover Offline
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LOL

Re: southern humor [Re: Rglover] #3604974 09/26/12 01:37 AM
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Kung Fu Widgeon Offline
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hahahaha

Re: southern humor [Re: Kung Fu Widgeon] #3887602 12/27/12 03:04 AM
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JD_HUNTS_TX Offline
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That's great


The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and  
bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against  
tyranny in government. 
Thomas Jefferson
Re: southern humor [Re: JD_HUNTS_TX] #3888520 12/27/12 02:57 PM
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floresrsr Offline
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Good stuff right thar


Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war.
Ernest Hemingway

Re: southern humor [Re: floresrsr] #3963906 01/17/13 06:18 PM
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Jacobst54 Offline
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Them theres some fine jokes

Re: southern humor [Re: Jacobst54] #3965282 01/18/13 12:48 AM
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Alpha&Omega Offline
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Oh Yeah


Scito Te Ipsum
Re: southern humor [Re: Alpha&Omega] #3998837 01/27/13 11:37 PM
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Mr Redneck Offline
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texas

Re: southern humor [Re: Mr Redneck] #4006245 01/30/13 12:55 AM
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yoda11 Offline
Light Foot
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Nice


Everything you pour over a cows back eventually runs off of her belly!
Re: southern humor [Re: yoda11] #4013596 02/01/13 04:07 AM
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Divertex78 Offline
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The first one makes me laugh everytime I hear it.

Re: southern humor [Re: Divertex78] #4013671 02/01/13 04:25 AM
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rsalaud Offline
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smile

Re: southern humor [Re: rsalaud] #4019234 02/03/13 08:57 AM
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Oxxon Offline
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clap

Re: southern humor [Re: Oxxon] #4024469 02/05/13 04:24 AM
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TexasPrincess Offline
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lol




I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. -- Susan B. Anthony
Re: southern humor [Re: TexasPrincess] #4087452 02/27/13 08:26 PM
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jorge Offline
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Nice!!!


Jorge Sakai
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Contact #: 210-837-6742
GEORGE.SAKAI@YAHOO.COM

"Two things that define an individual what you do when you have everything, and what you do when you have nothing."


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