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What are Grits? #6475282 09/30/16 09:48 PM
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mikei Offline OP
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What Are Grits?
> Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people think grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. Research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
>
> How Grits are Formed:
> Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast--not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.
>
> Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and can leave you unable to have children.
>
> Historical Grits:
> As mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary discovered in the seat of an old sedan. The woman's name was Herculania Jemimana, who was known as Aunt Jemima to her friends.
>
> The Ten Commandments of Grits:
> I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
> II.Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
> III.Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy
> IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits
> V.Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits
> VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
> VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
> VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
> IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch .
> X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
>
> How to Cook Grits:
> For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to
> soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, they are done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
> How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
>
> How to Eat Grits:
> Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. Do NOT use low-fat butter.
> The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your
> grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Use biscuits made from scratch. Never, ever substitute canned or store-bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, tooth decay and impotence. Next, add salt. The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt. Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should rarely be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.
>
> Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
> Leftover grits are extremely rare and may only be a rumor. Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable but delicious.
>
> BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
>
> May the Lord bless these grits,
> May Yankees never get the recipe,
> May I eat grits each day while living,
> And may I die while eating grits.
> AMEN

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475296 09/30/16 10:07 PM
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And all this time I thought grits were ground up hominy. Thanks for clearing that up.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475299 09/30/16 10:11 PM
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Best Grits ever.
http://bonnellstexas.com/

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475346 09/30/16 11:26 PM
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I'll eat them if they are put on my plate but I never order them.


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475359 09/30/16 11:33 PM
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Shrimp and grits, that is all.... food

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475366 09/30/16 11:38 PM
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sick


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: skinnerback] #6475399 10/01/16 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted By: skinnerback
Shrimp and grits, that is all.... food


food


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: TexasKC] #6475449 10/01/16 12:52 AM
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Originally Posted By: TexasKC
And all this time I thought grits were ground up hominy. Thanks for clearing that up.


Jist tryin' to hep you out, TexasKC. Sort of a public service announcement. Glad I set you straight. Now you can spread the word.

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475454 10/01/16 12:56 AM
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They'll keep you from starving.

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475554 10/01/16 02:48 AM
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Re: What are Grits? [Re: Palehorse] #6475588 10/01/16 03:28 AM
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I hate hominy and I hate grits


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: BigPig] #6475611 10/01/16 04:28 AM
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Originally Posted By: BigPig
Originally Posted By: skinnerback
Shrimp and grits, that is all.... food


food


I'll fight somebody for some shrimp and grits...


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475681 10/01/16 11:28 AM
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I like cheese grits.


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475685 10/01/16 11:36 AM
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You can have em barf


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: Tres] #6475693 10/01/16 11:48 AM
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food

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6475960 10/01/16 05:15 PM
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That picture looks like "Blood and Guts". barf

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476013 10/01/16 06:26 PM
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You guys can have all my grits from now to eternity


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476339 10/02/16 12:38 AM
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Well, now that we have established the fact that not everyone on the Forum likes grits, what about okra? Surely none of you grit shamers would dare put okra, no matter how it is prepared, in your pie holes!

Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476442 10/02/16 01:49 AM
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I love okra any way you can prepare it..... food.....grits are cooked chicken feed.... barf


Originally Posted by Sneaky
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored]
Originally Posted by beaversnipe
Actually, BBC is pretty damn good

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Re: What are Grits? [Re: Tres] #6476451 10/02/16 01:53 AM
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Originally Posted By: Tres
Originally Posted By: BigPig
Originally Posted By: skinnerback
Shrimp and grits, that is all.... food


food


I'll fight somebody for some shrimp and grits...

What a horrible bordering on despicable thing to do to perfectly good shrimp.....SMDH.....


Originally Posted by Sneaky
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored]
Originally Posted by beaversnipe
Actually, BBC is pretty damn good

"You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476493 10/02/16 02:17 AM
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I wouldn't eat okra under any circumstances.


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476618 10/02/16 03:41 AM
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Who the he!! ever heard of a cast iron "pan".


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: P_102] #6476630 10/02/16 03:55 AM
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I like Okra raw boiled fried pickled. It don't matter how it's fixed I'll eat okra but not grits.


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6476822 10/02/16 01:55 PM
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I like crunchy fried okra with ketchup to dip it in. Any other way and its slimy.


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Re: What are Grits? [Re: mikei] #6479107 10/03/16 10:22 PM
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having parents that grew up thru the great depression ... I learned to eat pretty much any food that was put in front of me. I'll take hash-browns over grits but if the plate comes with grits, a good dusting of black pepper and a pinch of salt, they'll do okay. I think I can eat okra prepared just about anyway other than raw.


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