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#7286637 - 09/14/18 11:07 AM You want to know the truth?
BigPig Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 08/27/09
Posts: 12930
Loc: Forney, Tx
This was written by my old partner. This is 100% accurate, as are all of his articles. Follow https://theofficernextdoor.com


A friend of mine recently asked, ďTell me, what is it really like being a police officer?Ē

I smiled as this was the hundredth time Iíve been asked that question. I thought to myself, ďIf you only knew the truth.Ē Protector to a fault, I couldnít unload the real truth about what itís like to be a police officer. Instead, I smiled and said, ďItís good, every day is different and I get to work outside.Ē If he only knew. Over the next few minutes, I would smile and nod as if I was paying attention to the conversation.

In reality, I was thinking to myself, if you want to know the truth, Iíll tell you the truth. When my wife asks how my day was I respond with a rehearsed, ďIt was fine.Ē I say that to protect her and I guess myself too. Iím not trying to be rude or short. I donít want to keep things from her or hurt her feelings. I guess the truth is, I donít want to relive the fatality car accident I responded to last night. A mother, father, and their two children didnít survive, it was horrific.

If you want to know the truth, a few days ago I came home and was distant and distracted. My wife got upset with me because I wasnít listening when she told me about the parent-teacher conference she attended alone. What she doesnít know is someone shot at me on my last shift. I debated telling her but donít want her to worry more than she already does. Honestly, I am just thankful to be alive. The scary truth is, my wife almost became a widow and my kids almost lost their father. That thought is really messing with my head. I guess thatís what I signed up for, so Iíll have a few more beers and then head to bed. Iíve got work in the morning.

If you want to know the truth, even though that guy shot at me, Iím thankful I wasnít able to shoot back. Contrary to popular belief, I donít want that on my conscience. I donít want to be on restricted duty because I need to work overtime to pay the bills. The truth is, I donít want to hurt anyone and certainly donít want to kill anyone. I want to help them but I know Iím a consequence for some, a sigh of relief for others, and a hero to a few. The truth is, I donít go looking for a fight; the fight comes to me, whether I want it to or not. Ultimately, I just want to go home at the end of the night.

You want to know the truth? Today I got word that Iím being investigated, another ridiculous complaint and now my long-awaited promotion is in jeopardy. A drug dealer is claiming his money went missing and he was roughed up while being arrested. Despite the fact the video will prove none of that is true, I have to wait months for the outcome. No matter what, that complaint is on my record forever now. One more thing I have to explain to the promotion board if I even make it that far.

The truth is, my wife is expecting our second child and that promotion would really help with the upcoming expenses. Carrying all this stress the last few days, Iíve been pissed when I hit the streets. But just last night, I was flagged down by a frantic mother and was able to resuscitate her unconscious baby. The truth is, seeing the joy and relief on that motherís face restored a sense of worth and purpose. In seconds, the anger and stress about the complaint and promotion were gone. I helped someone today and the truth is, thatís why I do this job.

If you want to know the truth, Iím not a hateful person. I donít care what you look like, where you came from, or what youíve done in the past, I will give my life for you. I may not know you but that isnít a reason to hesitate when seconds matter. The truth is, helping people is in my blood. I run toward danger, I shield strangers from harm, and I accept death as a consequence. I guess the truth is, itís just my way of life. Iím a risk taker but donít like the idea of dying. I didnít sign up to die, however, I accept it could happen. The truth is, I would feel bad for my parents; no parent should have to bury a child. At least it would be honorable, that should count for something.

If you want to know the truth, I have a wife, a mother, a father, one brother and two dogs. I have a family just like you. Even if I have to work, they hope to see me at birthday parties, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I like football and baseball. I watch movies and can quote some of them word for word. I guess the truth is, Iím not much different than you are. I have my good days and bad. I hope for the best, expect the worst, and always try to do the right thing. Like you, I want my family to be proud of me. I donít want to bring disgrace to my name, my family, or my late grandfather whom I know is watching from above.

If you want to know the truth, I love my country, my city, and my brothers and sisters in blue. I guess they are why I keep coming to work every day. I donít want to abandon them or our fight for what is right. We defend the vulnerable and defenseless from crime and evil. Itís what we do. If you want to know the truth, it gets harder every day. I just blocked some friends on social media. They said they wanted ďall pigs would die,Ē I just canít stomach that. Why should I die? What have I done wrong? I just want to help people.

You want to know the truth? I may not act like it but the job is starting to take a toll on me. Sometimes I lie in bed and start crying out of nowhere. I donít feel sad, nothing in particular happened that day. In fact, I had a pretty boring shift. But the truth is, sometimes I just lie there and cry and Iím not sure why. I suppose the truth is, I just had to let it out and eventually I feel better. Iím not too sure if thatís a good thing but thatís the truth. I guess thatís just part of the job.

The truth is, some days I wonder if itís all worth it. It seems like everyone hates us these days and no matter what we do, we are always to blame. The cards seem stacked against us. Surely, we are playing a game we canít win. I canít watch the news anymore. All you see is more protests, tragedy, death, and half-truths. Headlines that seem to be aimed at stoking the flames and furthering the narrative that the police are the enemy. I guess the truth is, I just want to do a good job and make a difference but that seems impossible these days. Ultimately it seems like even if I did, no one would notice.

If you want to know the truth, the more I think about it, itís just not worth it anymore. I drink all the time and my wife said sheís filing for divorce. I guess the truth is becoming clear, Iím not a hero. I canít help myself, let alone strangers who call 911. I am angry all the time and Iím losing this battle. I donít see a reason to go on. Iím losing my wife, my kids, my life seems over and this job has made me into someone I donít want to be.

If you want to know the truth, I planned on killing myself today. I wrote the note and had a plan but couldnít pull the trigger. I just couldnít do it. Thankfully, I decided Iím going to take control of my life. I am going to seek help. I decided I need to make some changes and give myself a chance to be happy. I will fight for my wife and the life I once had. I guess the truth is, since all I ever do is fix strangerís problems, I forgot to fix my own.

The truth is, when you asked, ďTell me, what is it really like being a police officer?Ē These are all the things I wanted to say. Instead, I smiled and replied, ďItís good, every day is different and I get to work outside.Ē
Ė The Officer Next Door


Edited by BigPig (09/14/18 11:08 AM)
_________________________
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
Ever spit it out rather than swallow it?

Originally Posted By: pegasaurus
Enjoy it while you can. One day you might be complaining about NOT getting random pop-ups in the morning. grin

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#7286651 - 09/14/18 11:18 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
Stub Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 04/27/05
Posts: 21217
Loc: The Outer Limits
Wow a lot of penned up emotions that you guys have with very few places to let it out and try and put it behind you.
No one knows what it is like to walk in y'alls shoes, we certainly hope God gives you strength to endure and hopefully live as happy of a life as possible.
_________________________
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http://www.pmstandley.com/
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#7286662 - 09/14/18 11:27 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
Kevin_M Offline
Tracker

Registered: 01/05/13
Posts: 654
Loc: Buda, Tx
Can honestly say that this is the first time I have gotten misty-eyed in my office at work. My brothers been in law enforcement for 20 years and at times I can see this pain in his eyes or in his expressions, although he'll never bring it up and I wont pry too hard.

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#7286668 - 09/14/18 11:32 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: Stub]
Duck_Hunter Online   content
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 6988
Originally Posted By: Stub
Wow a lot of penned up emotions that you guys have with very few places to let it out and try and put it behind you.
No one knows what it is like to walk in y'alls shoes, we certainly hope God gives you strength to endure and hopefully live as happy of a life as possible.


Well said.

Thanks for what you do, BP.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
I just turned it on . I was looking bird dogs in the butt this morning.



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#7286671 - 09/14/18 11:34 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
Cool Mo D Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 5331
Loc: E. TX.
God bless each and every one of y'all.

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#7286677 - 09/14/18 11:41 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
pegasaurus Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 17339
Loc: South Denton County
Thank you for posting that BP.

Those are words that no one will ever understand unless they have walked in those boots.
It is actually one of the major reasons I left the military after 12 years and joined the corporate life.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: Nogalus Prairie
Iím an anti-Trumper but had not thought that deeply. I need to brush up on my ďconspiracy thoughtĒ skills.

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#7286683 - 09/14/18 11:48 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
S.A. hunter Online   content
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 4417
Loc: San Antonio, TX
My grandfather retired from S.A.P.D after 35 yrs on the job. I think the job takes its toll on people, imo I don't think we are meant to see more then one life time of tragedy. Good luck to you, and your upcoming promotion.

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#7286696 - 09/14/18 11:56 AM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
bill oxner Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 48441
Loc: Katy-Fulshear
cheers
_________________________
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill








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#7286802 - 09/14/18 01:45 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: bill oxner]
GUTIT Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 4512
Loc: Caddo Mills, Texas
My son has 4 years in. Started young. At the tail end of the hiring process for a Federal Law Enforcement position now. We are best friends and share everything, I have seen a change in him and sometimes it concerns me. Part of being a man in his profession and has matured because of it. He has handled some situations that many could not and I admire him for it.

Pisses me off when people whine about their job when I know what men and women in his profession go thru. He signed up for it and all that the profession entails, accepts it for what it is and never complains. But Dad knows.

We talk every day we get a chance. Tell each other we love each other EVERY time. I know I can get that call at any time.

Huge shout out to all men and women that serve or have served and protect in every profession.


Edited by GUTIT (09/14/18 01:49 PM)
_________________________
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Commercial and Residential Project Management
Managing all your construction needs
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#7286809 - 09/14/18 01:57 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: Cool Mo D]
dkershen Online   content


Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 18847
Loc: Denton/Argyle
Originally Posted By: Cool Mo D
God bless each and every one of y'all.


Very well articulated. Great insight. Thanks...
_________________________

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
www.NewHopeEquine.com

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#7286812 - 09/14/18 02:07 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
fouzman Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 1933
Loc: Houston, TX
Thank you for posting that BP. May God Bless all of our men and women in blue, first responders and military.

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#7286813 - 09/14/18 02:09 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
Dalee7892 Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 05/04/15
Posts: 2434
Loc: Denton County
Thank you to all in Blue. The first responders. God bless.

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#7286820 - 09/14/18 02:21 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
Scott W Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 03/08/18
Posts: 325
Loc: Cedar Park, TX
My job is so easy. My hardest days are easier than your easiest days. I try not to take it for granted.

Thank you for your service.

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#7286839 - 09/14/18 02:46 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: BigPig]
cbump Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/02/06
Posts: 14928
Loc: Weatherford
Never understood not talking to your spouse about things. That helps nothing. Relationship is supposed to be your safe space. To talk about things and get support.

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#7286864 - 09/14/18 03:21 PM Re: You want to know the truth? [Re: cbump]
Choctaw Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 11/13/04
Posts: 6888
Loc: Grayson County
Originally Posted By: cbump
Never understood not talking to your spouse about things. That helps nothing. Relationship is supposed to be your safe space. To talk about things and get support.


I will tell her about the funny things that happened at work. She probably thinks I work at the Improv. She has been to the hospital three times when I was hurt. She spent two weeks of her life keeping my IV PICC line clear. She knows where I keep my useless awards in the hall closet. She was there on that terrible Christmas Day when I received a phone call about a friend who was a LODD on Christmas Eve. She was there when I learned another friend ate his gun. She has dealt with my anxiety dreams. She has seen blood (sometimes mine, sometimes not) on my uniform. She was waiting for me at home the day I was ambushed and never asked one question when I finally walked through the door. I don't need to tell her everything I think and feel because she already knows.

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