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#7156482 - 05/01/18 09:15 AM Something we'll all face one day ...
Cappy_TX Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 06/09/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Denison, TX
How to Tell a Friend That You Are Dying ...

It is one of the hardest things in life to be told that you are going to die. Another challenging and sad task is telling your friends. Too often there are articles on how to receive such information but less on how to go ahead and give the information. It takes courage and love but you can do it.

Steps to consider ...

1. Realize what NOT telling your good friend will do. He or she will be shocked and upset that you kept the information secret. While you may be afraid of telling them for fear of scaring them or upsetting them, it is better for them to hear it from you than on the grapevine - or worse: at your funeral.

2. Choose a pleasant and peaceful place to break the news. A local garden or your own home are good choices. It helps to be seated as this is never the stuff of strong legs. Include coffee or a pot of tea to ease dry throats and provide a source of distracting comfort.

3. Start by telling them what a great friend they are. Recall that you have had both good and bad times together and have always pulled through and that now you have some news to tell that you want your friend to hear with good grace and understanding.

4. Be straightforward. Do not beat around the bush but use clear language. Tell your friend "I have lung and bone cancer and the doctors say it is inoperable and incurable. I am dying. They have given me up to six months to live."

5. Expect shock, tears and even silence. This is not bearable news for either of you. Your emotions will be hard to control because you are telling a good friend you know you won't be talking to in a few months' time. Use hugs and holding of hands as a sign of deep connection. At a time like this, often no more words are needed but a great deal of comfort is essential. At this point, there is no rule book or how-to ... you will both do what feels right at the moment.

6. Let your friend speak and voice their emotions. Your friend is in shock and may say things that don't quite gel with your needs or interests. Just listen and let it flow out; it'll become quite clear later to your friend what she or he has said in moments of un-clarity. Your own emotions will be turbulent but it is best to try to not think "but I'm the one who's dying". This doesn't change anything and will only embitter you.

7. Ask for whatever you need. Your friend will want to help and it is always a good idea to have something in mind for your friend to do. This provides a sense of coping for your friend and also alleviates concerns that your friend may have about you needing assistance. You might like to be driven to the doctor's weekly or to have your friend visit a little more often.

8. Keep in touch with each other. This is not the time for letting go of friendships and feeling self-pity. The life you have remaining counts for everything and friendship is a vital part of the support, love and care that you deserve.

So thanks for reading this and thanks even more for your friendship.
_________________________
Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.

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#7156622 - 05/01/18 10:38 AM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
RayB Offline
red bone Bob

Registered: 11/22/09
Posts: 3598
Loc: New Braunfels TX USA
Cappy the dog will be waiting at the bridge and will be glad to see you. Just know you're going to a better place. We all have to go but knowing it eminent, I don't know how I would face that. I hope it's as bravely as you seam to be taking it.
_________________________
There is time, and you must take it, to lay your hand on your dog's head as you walk past him lying on the floor or on his settle, time to talk with him, to remember with him, time to please him, time you can't buy back once he's gone" GBE

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#7156629 - 05/01/18 10:44 AM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
Cappy_TX Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 06/09/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Denison, TX
I have friends waiting for me there ...

[img]http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/...ogs.jpg_2.jpg_m[/img]


Edited by Cappy_TX (05/01/18 10:45 AM)
_________________________
Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.

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#7156771 - 05/01/18 12:38 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
pervis Online   content
Tracker

Registered: 09/26/14
Posts: 737
I've enjoyed reading your posts over the years, weather it be for wisdom, dog advice, waterfowl advice etc. You ve always provided us with some insight to things and perspectives many of us did not know.

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#7156886 - 05/01/18 02:30 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
Duck_Hunter Online   content
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 7035
Prayers up, Cappy.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
I just turned it on . I was looking bird dogs in the butt this morning.



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#7157059 - 05/01/18 06:03 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
Guy Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/06/05
Posts: 28395
Loc: Lake X
Iím really saddened by this post Cappy, prayers up my friend.

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#7157120 - 05/01/18 06:55 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Guy]
bobcat1 Online   content
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 07/22/07
Posts: 3348
Loc: Sanger, Texas
I've never met you but from the forum know you are one of the gooduns! See ya there someday. Give Mikey, Reba and Penny a pat on the head and an ear rub or two for me and let them know I will see them someday.
_________________________
Bobby Barnett


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#7157155 - 05/01/18 07:21 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Duck_Hunter]
2Beez Offline
Chihuahua

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 11451
Loc: Lake Texoma, TX
Originally Posted By: Duck_Hunter
Prayers up, Cappy.


angel

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#7157267 - 05/01/18 09:43 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
Charlie817 Offline
Woodsman

Registered: 08/09/13
Posts: 244
Loc: NorthTarrant County
Prayers for you and yours Cappy. I share with you the loss and heartache of my lab. Prayers you reunite.

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#7157603 - 05/02/18 09:38 AM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
LarryCopper Online   content
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 4513
Loc: The Great State
I'm very sorry to read this, Cappy. Prayers up to you and yours.
_________________________

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#7157722 - 05/02/18 11:41 AM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: LarryCopper]
Cappy_TX Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 06/09/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Denison, TX
Thanks to those who've expressed concern and offered good thoughts. I had two lobes of my right lung removed in mid-December due to cancer. We thought they got it all then but it's since metastasized into bone cancer for which there is no surgery or other cure. I'll be 77 in October and have lived a long and successful life for which I'm very grateful. A good wife and a number of excellent dogs over the years who, for whatever reason, loved me in return. What more can one really ask for? wink
_________________________
Cappy ... At my side for thirteen years, in my heart forever.

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#7157755 - 05/02/18 12:14 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
Wilhunt Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 07/26/13
Posts: 3899
Loc: New Braunfels, San Saba county
Blessings your way sir, do concentrate on the good things you have experienced in life.

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#7157775 - 05/02/18 12:25 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
luisfigo Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 83
Loc: College Station, TX
I'm very sorry to read this. God bless you and comfort you.

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#7157866 - 05/02/18 01:49 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
DuckSausage Offline
Woodsman

Registered: 04/09/07
Posts: 242
Loc: DFW
God bless you Cappy. I spent many years reading your posts and enjoyed learning from you. You have been an inspiration to me for working hard to own my own piece of land someday like you did. Look forward to seeing you on the other side someday. frown

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#7158050 - 05/02/18 04:27 PM Re: Something we'll all face one day ... [Re: Cappy_TX]
texas wetlands Online   content
Bird Dog

Registered: 01/08/13
Posts: 285
Cappy, I just saw this and you have know idea how sad this makes me and my group feel.

I do know one thing, there will always be a wetlands in Fannin County named "Cappy's".

God Bless You my friend!

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