Forums46
Topics537,925
Posts9,730,747
Members87,051
|
Most Online25,604 Feb 12th, 2024
|
|
|
Air Force Pilot Options
#7130020
04/02/18 11:46 AM
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047
mikei
OP
THF Trophy Hunter
|
OP
THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7,047 |
To: Lt Col Ventura, Sir, I am DJ Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot of the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in my life. What could I do to get in the academy? Sincerely, DJ Baker Subject: Anybody want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace? From: Lt. Col Ventura Dear DJ, Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter pilots. Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've found most fighter pilots pompous, back-stabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative. What you REALLY want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging, and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing - the venerable, workhorse C-130! I can> guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship> formation down a valley at 300 ft above the ground, while trying to interpret a 9-line to a new DZ, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch, with the engineer in the back taking a piss and the navigator puking in his trash can! I tell you, DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at. Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HMMWVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedoes the General's staff car! No where else can you land on a 3,000' dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff off the ramp without even stopping, then take off again before range control can call to tell you you've landed on the wrong LZ! And talk about exotic travel-when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the culture enough to give any local population a bad taste in their mouths, not something those strat-lift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms! As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these. Take a lot of math courses. You will need all the advanced math skills you can muster to facilitate the calculation of per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85%> of the whole thing. Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the [censored] catches up to you from that meal you ate at that place that had the belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose> name you can't even pronounce! Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC>Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest [censored] bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and> culture. A foreign language is helpful, but not required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it's much easier to ignore them and go where you want to anyway. A study of geography is also paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to you living room wall, right next to that gigantic wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection. Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about that Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education. A nice, big state college would be a much better choice. Good luck and see you on the SKE scope! Maj. Lowenfas
|
|
|
Re: Air Force Pilot Options
[Re: mikei]
#7130191
04/02/18 03:32 PM
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,524
SnakeWrangler
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,524 |
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
|
|
|
Re: Air Force Pilot Options
[Re: mikei]
#7131134
04/03/18 01:23 PM
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,244
TEXASLEFTY
THF Whiskey Sommelier
|
THF Whiskey Sommelier
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 19,244 |
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.
|
|
|
Re: Air Force Pilot Options
[Re: mikei]
#7138843
04/12/18 02:54 AM
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,844
DannyB
THF Celebrity
|
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,844 |
A similar joke went something like:
A C-130 was cruising along when a fighter pilot pulled up alongside and said "watch this." He did a bunch of cool aerobatics, etc. and then asked the C-130 pilot what he thought about that.
The C-130 pilot said " pretty cool, now watch this." It cruised along for a bit doing nothing any different. The C-130 pilot then asked the fighter pilot what he thought of that. The fighter pilot asked what he did, since he just cruised along as usual. The C-130 pilot said that he got up and went to the bathroom and then got some coffee and a donut and came back and sat down.
|
|
|
Re: Air Force Pilot Options
[Re: mikei]
#7138865
04/12/18 03:19 AM
|
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,176
Bee'z
The Beedazzler
|
The Beedazzler
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,176 |
/\/\/\ That is funny DannyB!!!
|
|
|
Moderated by bigbob_ftw, CCBIRDDOGMAN, Chickenman, Derek, DeRico, Duck_Hunter, hetman, jeh7mmmag, JustWingem, kmon11, kry226, kwrhuntinglab, Payne, pertnear, rifleman, sig226fan (Rguns.com), Superduty, TreeBass, txcornhusker
|