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#7132234 - 04/04/18 09:46 AM Workin on the railroad
Cast Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 17598
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
A man gets a job as a train conductor and for years he’s been great at his job. When the train arrives at the station he blows the whistle to announce the arrival and for the opening of the doors. After everyone gets off and on, he blows the whistle for the closing of the doors and the train departure.

It was a pretty mindless job and one day he was working away, blowing his whistle, the trains came and went, and on one particular train he thought everyone had boarded and he blew the whistle, when an old lady with her dog was still getting on the train. The doors closed and chopped the lady clean in half, killing her.

The man being responsible for this woman’s death was tried in court and found guilty of manslaughter. The sentence was death by the chair. He was placed in a cell until his execution. A few hours before he was to be killed, the warden came to his cell.

“You get one last meal, anything. You name it.”

“Really?” The man said. “Well if I were to have one last meal it would be 50kg of bananas

The warden looked stunned, he wasn’t sure if he heard him right, but the man looked sincere and who was he to deny him this last meal.

So he buys 50kg of bananas and takes them back to the cell. The warden looks in amazement and disgust as the man devours the bananas skin and all.

After stuffing himself and making quite a mess, the man is led to the electric chair. He’s strapped in, and the electrodes attached. The executioner places his hand on the lever “3… 2… 1…” he pulls the lever and grimaces, only to find the man is perfectly fine. He pulls it again and again but still nothing happens. They check the wires but everything is okay, the man just won’t die.

The warden is stunned “We’ll only an act of God could save you. Clearly you just aren’t meant to die. You’re free to go.”

So the man leaves and gets a job as a train conductor. He’s doing the same thing, blowing the whistle for arrivals and departures. The trains come and go when one day all the passengers had gotten on board and he blew his whistle right as a little boy dropped his ball out the doors of the train. He went to retrieve it from the platform when BAM he was caught between the doors and sliced in two.

The man was tried and found guilty of murder, he was sent straight to prison to be executed the next day. He was sitting, stewing in his cell when the warden came along.

“Well it’s your last meal… again, what do you want this time?”

“Well since you’re asking, I’d like 50kg of bananas please.” The man says to the disgruntled warden.

The warden shakes his head and exhales in disbelief. “If you say so.” So he leaves to buy 50kg of bananas.

He returns and gives the bananas to the ravenous man and watches as he lobs them down his throat. To the wardens horror, he’s not even chewing them anymore just chucking them down whole. The man finishes and is taken away to be killed.

The executioner is surprised to see him again. The man is strapped in and attached to the electrodes once again. The executioner grips the handle that will end the mans life and yells “3… 2… 1…” and yanks the lever. Only to his absolute bewilderment, nothing happens. They check the wires, the chair the power and pull again and again but the man remains perfectly fine. By now the warden cannot believe his eyes, but the executioner proclaims “This is an act of God, clearly you are not meant to die, you have been spared yet again and are free to go”

So the man leaves.

And gets a job as a train conductor. He’s blowing his whistle and sending the trains off only this time he’s learnt from his mistakes. He’s intently looking for people every time a train comes and for several months he goes by without killing anyone.

Until one fateful day when he was doing his job and he saw the most beautiful woman he had ever the seen. As she strutted by he whistled and she turned and gave him a wink. Only the train driver heard the whistle and closed the door, crushing a business man, splitting him in twain.

He was seized and sent to court, tried and found guilty of murder for the third time. The judge was done with him and sentenced him to death that day. As he was sitting in his cell once again, the warden came to him.

“50kg of bananas?” He asked the man

“50kg of bananas.” The man replied

The warden walked away, baffled at the events of the past couple of months. He returned with 50kg of bananas and gave them to the man only this time he didn’t finish all the bananas as he had eaten quite a large breakfast. The warden marched him to the electric chair and strapped him in, curious as to what would happen. The executioner is also intrigued as to whether or not the man will cheat death yet again. He grasps the lever and counts down. “3… 2… 1…” he pulls the lever and… nothing happens.

The executioner has just given up at this point and says “Well it’s an act of God. Clearly you just aren’t meant to die yet, just promise me you won’t get a job at that damn train company.”

The man makes no promises and walks away, a free man. The warden runs up to him. Panting he asks.

“I have to ask, how have you cheated the electric chair so many times? Is it the bananas?”

Calmly the man replies “No, I’m just a really bad conductor.”
_________________________
_________________________
Cast



I have a short attention spa

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#7132258 - 04/04/18 10:09 AM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
pegasaurus Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16699
Loc: South Denton County
clap
_________________________
Originally Posted By: Nogalus Prairie
I’m an anti-Trumper but had not thought that deeply. I need to brush up on my “conspiracy thought” skills.

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#7132259 - 04/04/18 10:09 AM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
TexasKC Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 2771
Loc: Houston & Lexington, Texas
B+

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#7132427 - 04/04/18 01:17 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
PMK Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 09/10/12
Posts: 7031
Loc: Central TX (Gtown/Austin)
loser8
_________________________
"everyone that lives dies but not everyone who dies lived..."

~PMK~

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#7132542 - 04/04/18 03:15 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
texasag93 Online   content


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 4874
Loc: Argyle
flush

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#7132831 - 04/04/18 07:26 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
TEXASLEFTY Online   content
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 9917
Loc: The Island Cres
After all the bad grades you’ve posted......
_________________________
Originally Posted By: Chunky Monkey
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.

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#7132843 - 04/04/18 07:33 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
Old Rabbit Online   content
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 07/13/11
Posts: 3300
Loc: Lansing, TX
Funny, didn't see that one coming.

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#7132905 - 04/04/18 08:31 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
Simple Searcher Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 5850
Loc: Helotes, Hext
clap
_________________________


"Man is still a hunter, still a simple searcher after meat..." Robert C. Ruark

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#7132940 - 04/04/18 09:20 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
mikei Online   content
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 11/16/14
Posts: 2776
C- and diving down deeper with each passing moment. . .

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#7133338 - 04/05/18 10:16 AM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: TEXASLEFTY]
Cast Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 17598
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
Originally Posted By: TEXASLEFTY
After all the bad grades you’ve posted......


I'm a very bad man.
_________________________
Cast



I have a short attention spa

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#7133863 - 04/05/18 07:06 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
colt45 Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 7979
Loc: bastrop county
like a goat badddddddddddddddddddd
_________________________
hold on Newt, we got a runaway

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#7133925 - 04/05/18 08:18 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
Cajun Raider Offline
Tracker

Registered: 07/23/11
Posts: 682
Loc: Texas
Should have seen it coming!
_________________________
Don't talk the talk if you didn't walk the walk.

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#7133949 - 04/05/18 08:46 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
mikei Online   content
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 11/16/14
Posts: 2776
Originally Posted By: Cast
Originally Posted By: TEXASLEFTY
After all the bad grades you’ve posted......


I'm a very bad man.


Don't know if you're a very bad man, but that was, by any measure, a very bad "joke." You can, and have done much better. . . :-)


Edited by mikei (04/05/18 08:47 PM)

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#7134460 - 04/06/18 01:44 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Cast]
TEXASLEFTY Online   content
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 9917
Loc: The Island Cres
Originally Posted By: Cast
Originally Posted By: TEXASLEFTY
After all the bad grades you’ve posted......


I'm a very bad man.


No your not!!!
_________________________
Originally Posted By: Chunky Monkey
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.

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#7134696 - 04/06/18 06:57 PM Re: Workin on the railroad [Re: Old Rabbit]
SnakeWrangler Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 34045
Loc: Over yonder.....
Originally Posted By: Old Rabbit
Funny, didn't see that one coming.
_________________________
"You're statistically more likely to be killed by Hillary Clinton than an NRA member. - PolitiDiva

"Death is permanent...everything else is temporary!"

"You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"

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