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#7112088 - 03/15/18 11:40 AM Personal Question
shea.mcphail Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 11/27/14
Posts: 315
Loc: Mesquite/Canton
Iíve reached a point in my life that Iím not sure what to do. My wife and I had our first child at the end of December. I didnít do really any hunting this season because it was impossible to get away and leave the baby. Iíve spent the past four years hunting at my familyís property in Canton, and Iíve seen only a handful of legal deer in that time. I mentioned to my wife that I would like to look into joining a deer lease this upcoming year. I mentioned some of the cheaper leases that I found and she was not on board. We are both teachers, so she doesnít feel we will have the money for a lease. Plus we now have all of the expenses that come with a child. Sheís also afraid that Iíll be gone all the time leaving her with the baby. She doesnít see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.

Now Iím faced with many questions. I can do public hunting, but you guys know the success rates involved with public hunting. Plus I feel public hunting requires more time and effort than having a lease. How do you guys juggle being fathers and husbands while being hunters? Does it sound like I should even continue hunting? Iím tired of spending time and money and constantly being unsuccessful or even getting a real shot at an animal.

Not looking for a pity party. Just advice.

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#7112091 - 03/15/18 11:45 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
preston629 Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 4404
Loc: The Colony
when they are young, its tough. it gets easier when they get older. trust me. i got three little girls and i hunt plenty.

once you and the wife get the hang of the baby thing, it aint no problem to be alone with the kid. that dont mean leave her alone all the time, but shell get to the point of being ok with you leaving to go hunting.

the lease will probably have to wait though lol
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#7112095 - 03/15/18 11:50 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
Rustler Online   content
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 3668
Loc: Carrollton/ Young, Blanco coun...
Weekend hunt with quality outfitter or day lease.

As far as the issues between you two, I'd say get counseling now.
Many good fathers have / had jobs that required travel / time away from home ranging from a few days per week to months at a time.
A few weekends per year spent hunting shouldn't be that big of a deal.
If she's attempting the guilt trip thing, good luck.

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#7112096 - 03/15/18 11:50 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
Sneaky Offline
The "Grouch"

Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 18690
Loc: Winters
Sounds like your wife wonít let you hunt anymore because youíve had a kid. Iíd start with lining that out right quick.
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#7112101 - 03/15/18 11:52 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
Herbie Hancock Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 08/23/16
Posts: 1763
Loc: Cypress, Texas
Prior to hunting season I try and have all the dates I am going to be gone on the calendar so there are no surprises.

I agree you should wait maybe one more year to look for a lease.

However, if my opinion everyone needs their time away, you can't spend every waking moment without going crazy. Hopefully you are telling her that you don't mind her to go on a girls weekend on occasion. To me spending every moment of free time you have with your child doesn't make you a better father if you are gone hunting once a month.

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#7112103 - 03/15/18 11:55 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: preston629]
landsurveyor Online   content
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 4879
Loc: Annetta TX
Originally Posted By: preston629
when they are young, its tough. it gets easier when they get older. trust me. i got three little girls and i hunt plenty.

once you and the wife get the hang of the baby thing, it aint no problem to be alone with the kid. that dont mean leave her alone all the time, but shell get to the point of being ok with you leaving to go hunting.

the lease will probably have to wait though lol


This for me and once the kiddos were older I just took them with me. win win
_________________________
"A hungry dog hunts best.Ē Lee Trevino

www.prospectlandsurveying.com

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#7112111 - 03/15/18 11:59 AM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
Theringworm Online   content
Tracker

Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 516
Loc: Midland, TX
Use this time to spend a few dollars buying points in other states. Itís relatively inexpensive to apply for points. Only when you draw the tag does it cost you a couple hundred bucks which is still way cheaper than an annual lease expense. By the time your child is 4-5 youíll have enough points to hunt quite a few animals. It will be a one time trip the year you go (a weeekend to a week at most). Youíll be out very little money compared to the expense of a lease. I would give up my lease in a heart beat if it wasnít that I wanted a place for my kids and father to hunt. Otherwise I wouldnít bother with the expense and headaches.

As far as helping out at home, there isnít an alternative. You do what you are expected to do. As mentioned above, you guys will quickly figure things out. You might consider once your child gets a little older, surprise your wife and say ďhey, you need some time away from the kid. Iíll take care of him/her for the weekend. Go be with your friends. I got this.Ē She will 1) realize hey, if he can do this by himself so can I. 2) She will also realize you need your time alone also..... to go hunting. It will work out, just donít make her feel like she is doing it alone otherwise you wonít ever get a ďhall passĒ to get out of the house. Good luck.

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#7112140 - 03/15/18 12:22 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
unclebubba Online   content
Pro Tracker

Registered: 11/07/11
Posts: 1499
Loc: Collin County, TX
I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: LandPirate
...women can be some deceitful, cheating, betraying, lying, scheming, conniving creatures.

Originally Posted By: txhuntingguide
If I choose to hunt in a coon tail hat, a pink tootoo and hip waders that is my fine...

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#7112143 - 03/15/18 12:27 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: Theringworm]
SherpaPhil Offline
Woodsman

Registered: 04/09/12
Posts: 156
Loc: Dallas
Originally Posted By: Theringworm
Use this time to spend a few dollars buying points in other states. Itís relatively inexpensive to apply for points. Only when you draw the tag does it cost you a couple hundred bucks which is still way cheaper than an annual lease expense. By the time your child is 4-5 youíll have enough points to hunt quite a few animals. It will be a one time trip the year you go (a weeekend to a week at most). Youíll be out very little money compared to the expense of a lease. I would give up my lease in a heart beat if it wasnít that I wanted a place for my kids and father to hunt. Otherwise I wouldnít bother with the expense and headaches.

As far as helping out at home, there isnít an alternative. You do what you are expected to do. As mentioned above, you guys will quickly figure things out. You might consider once your child gets a little older, surprise your wife and say ďhey, you need some time away from the kid. Iíll take care of him/her for the weekend. Go be with your friends. I got this.Ē She will 1) realize hey, if he can do this by himself so can I. 2) She will also realize you need your time alone also..... to go hunting. It will work out, just donít make her feel like she is doing it alone otherwise you wonít ever get a ďhall passĒ to get out of the house. Good luck.


This is good advice.

My son will be two next month. I did almost no hunting the first year for pretty much the same reasons you have stated. Trust me, everything about the situation gets better. The biggest thing is they just take less work as they get older and it gets a lot easier for one person to handle. For the first six months, my wife couldn't take him to the grocery store by herself. Now, a week alone while I hunt is not a big deal. Don't push the issue now while it still seems so overwhelming to her, wait until she is comfortable spending longer times along with the little one, which will happen naturally.

What I do now is a combination of putting in for a ton of public land hunts in Texas, as well as building points out west for other trips. It doesn't cost much money at all compared to a lease - if I don't draw anything, its about $300-$400 spaced out over the year. I have had great times on the TX public draws and you get to play the "I won" card. My wife seems to be more understanding under those circumstances. This can also work with western tags with 100% draw odds wink

After giving up hunting that first year, my wife and I have come to a great understanding. I help out a lot when she needs it, whether it is going out with the girls, gym, beauty salon, etc., to just grabbing the kiddo and heading out on our own on a Saturday to give her some down time. As a result, she is completely fine with me taking one big trip per year, or a couple of shorter trips. Take care of her, and the rest will work itself out. Happy wife, happy life smile

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#7112154 - 03/15/18 12:38 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: unclebubba]
Opening Day Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 09/30/13
Posts: 1089
Loc: Needville Tx.
[quote=unclebubba]I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime


Very well stated!

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#7112167 - 03/15/18 12:46 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
Wilhunt Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 07/26/13
Posts: 3578
Loc: New Braunfels, San Saba county
Very nice for all. up

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#7112178 - 03/15/18 12:54 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
DocHorton Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 4918
Loc: DFW
Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
She doesnít see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.


This part really scares me for you, honestly. I would bet your wife grew up in a family where no one hunted, which is similar to my wife. But I laid down the law pretty quickly that she can expect me to be gone most weekends from November thru January. She was mad at first because her Dad had no hobbies and that is what she grew up with, but eventually she just accepted it.

I have 4 kids...2,5,7,9. I go hunting almost every weekend and have ever since we started having kids. In fact, I went on a 5 day duck hunting trip when my 3rd kid was 4 weeks old and we had a newborn, 1 year old, and 3 year old. Your wife doesn't realize how easy having only one kid is.

The money part I can understand, and the cost may not be feasible, but saying you can't be a good father by going hunting is absolutely ridiculous.

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#7112188 - 03/15/18 12:59 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: DocHorton]
Herbie Hancock Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 08/23/16
Posts: 1763
Loc: Cypress, Texas
Originally Posted By: DocHorton
Originally Posted By: shea.mcphail
She doesnít see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.


This part really scares me for you, honestly. I would bet your wife grew up in a family where no one hunted, which is similar to my wife. But I laid down the law pretty quickly that she can expect me to be gone most weekends from November thru January. She was mad at first because her Dad had no hobbies and that is what she grew up with, but eventually she just accepted it.

The money part I can understand, and the cost may not be feasible, but saying you can't be a good father by going hunting is absolutely ridiculous.



I agree on this big time

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#7112202 - 03/15/18 01:03 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
westtexaswatkins Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 05/31/07
Posts: 7246
Loc: Anton, TX, and Stonewall Count...
I bought a nice enough travel trailer(nice potty/satellite tv) at my lease that my wife didn't mind going and bringing our son when he was a baby. That way you are not just leaving her by herself every weekend. All my son knows in the fall is hunting grin

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#7112214 - 03/15/18 01:12 PM Re: Personal Question [Re: shea.mcphail]
SapperTitan Online   content
Taking Requests

Registered: 11/17/10
Posts: 24588
Loc: Killeen/Ft Hood, TX
Sounds to me like she already feels like she is carrying the majority of the load when it comes to the child and she feels like you are trying to avoid responsibility by finding a reason to be gone more. Iím not saying this is the case but thatís what it sounds like. Life is about balancing fun/wants with responsibilities/needs. Maybe just go plan a hunt with an outfitter first r the next few years while the kid is a toddler. It wonít require as much work and prep and you will only be gone 1 weekend and chances at game will be much better, price will prob be less than what a lease and feeders/feed would cost for a year. Maybe schedule her a day with her girls friends at a spa or something and take care of the baby. Life is about sacrifices but you shouldnít have to give up everything and being away from your child for a weekend surely doesnít make you a bad father.
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