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Banned from Walmart
#7101983
03/05/18 09:55 PM
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 12,861
PMK
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 12,861 |
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart
Dear Mrs. Woolf,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the Staff passed out.
"everyone that lives dies but not everyone who dies lived..."
~PMK~
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102039
03/05/18 10:53 PM
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630
Cast
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 22,630 |
Cast I have a short attention spa
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102206
03/06/18 01:20 AM
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 6,061
Wilhunt
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 6,061 |
You should be ashamed...harassing people like that. LOL
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102286
03/06/18 02:23 AM
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960
Gary Olson
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 960 |
Change the names, sent it to the inlaws.
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102329
03/06/18 02:53 AM
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,657
colt45-90
Texas colt45
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Texas colt45
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,657 |
hold on Newt, we got a runaway
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102364
03/06/18 03:29 AM
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,170
Bee'z
The Beedazzler
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The Beedazzler
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 23,170 |
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102461
03/06/18 08:58 AM
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,708
pigplinker
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,708 |
I didn't know they were watching me. LOL.
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102501
03/06/18 12:29 PM
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,019
Bar-D
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,019 |
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7102596
03/06/18 01:58 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,203
CCBIRDDOGMAN
Bird Herder
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Bird Herder
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,203 |
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out. I am a sucker for happy endings and strapped cowboys.
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7103589
03/07/18 09:56 AM
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 374
grandpa75672
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 374 |
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Re: Banned from Walmart
[Re: PMK]
#7103853
03/07/18 04:28 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,517
SnakeWrangler
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 65,517 |
Thanks for the list of ideas....shopping with my wife should be much more entertaining now.....
I believe in science and I’m an insufferable [censored] Actually, BBC is pretty damn good "You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"
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