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#7101983 - 03/05/18 03:55 PM Banned from Walmart
PMK Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 09/10/12
Posts: 7340
Loc: Central TX (Gtown/Austin)
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.
"everyone that lives dies but not everyone who dies lived..."


#7102039 - 03/05/18 04:53 PM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
Cast Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 18331
Loc: North Texas - God's Country

I have a short attention spa

#7102206 - 03/05/18 07:20 PM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
Wilhunt Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 07/26/13
Posts: 3764
Loc: New Braunfels, San Saba county
You should be ashamed...harassing people like that. LOL

#7102286 - 03/05/18 08:23 PM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
Gary Olson Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 01/24/13
Posts: 385
Loc: Plano, TX
Change the names, sent it to the inlaws.

#7102329 - 03/05/18 08:53 PM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
colt45 Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 8250
Loc: bastrop county
laughed till I cried
hold on Newt, we got a runaway

#7102364 - 03/05/18 09:29 PM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
2Beez Online   happy

Registered: 07/17/15
Posts: 10854
Loc: Lake Texoma, TX
clap roflmao

#7102461 - 03/06/18 02:58 AM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
pigplinker Online   happy
Pro Tracker

Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 1881
Loc: Ben Wheeler,Tx
I didn't know they were watching me. LOL. roflmao

#7102501 - 03/06/18 06:29 AM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
Bar-D Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 02/03/11
Posts: 1591
Loc: The Lone Star State
People Sleep Peacefully in Their Beds at Night Only Because Rough Men Stand Ready to Do Violence on Their Behalf

#7102596 - 03/06/18 07:58 AM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 10757
I cant wait to get old.
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out.

#7103589 - 03/07/18 03:56 AM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
grandpa75672 Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 09/27/05
Posts: 374
Loc: Quinlan, Tx
roflmao roflmao roflmao

#7103853 - 03/07/18 10:28 AM Re: Banned from Walmart [Re: PMK]
SnakeWrangler Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 36390
Loc: Over yonder.....
Thanks for the list of with my wife should be much more entertaining now..... roflmao
"You're statistically more likely to be killed by Hillary Clinton than an NRA member. - PolitiDiva

"Death is permanent...everything else is temporary!"

"You Cannot Simultaneously Be Politically Correct And Intellectually Honest!"


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