A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"Arrh – Not at ‘tall." the pirate replies, "I be fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Arrh!," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg. But the surgeon fixed me up, and I be fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Aye," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off. But the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I be feeling great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Arrh," says the pirate, "One day when I was swabbing me deck, some gulls were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them arrgh, he, shat in me eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from that!"

"Well," says the pirate, "'Twas me first day with me hook.”

Good one OP
More Pirate stuff.

A little boy with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate for Halloween. At the first house a woman opens the door, and the boy says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My, aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy gets angry: "On the side of my buckin head, you buckin idiot."


So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.. Bar Tender: "hi sir, um.. you know you have a steering wheel in your pants right?" Pirate: "Aye! it's driving me nutz!"


Bates the Pirate
A strapping young pirate named Bates Once tried to disco on skates He fell on his cutlass And now he is nutless And practically useless on dates