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#6924091 - 10/17/17 06:22 PM Pick one
bill oxner Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 48482
Loc: Katy-Fulshear

G G G R R R O O O A A A N N N!

For those of you with a quirky sense of humor !! And that is most of you.

1 Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent..

2 A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3 A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

3 A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

4 Did you hear about the man in France who jumped off the bridge? He was in Seine.

5 A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7 "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8 Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9 An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill

#6924160 - 10/17/17 07:32 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
mikei Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 11/16/14
Posts: 3378
Loc: Mason, TX
I pick #17, and suggest that you call your doctor in the morning to see if you need to have your meds adjusted. . . grin

#6924257 - 10/17/17 09:11 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
Dalroo Offline

Registered: 08/03/16
Posts: 824
Loc: The Heart of Texas
Love 'em!

A dwarf psychic escaped from prison yesterday, and the headlines read, there is a small, medium, at-large.
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Moslah Shrine Temple - 2B1 ASK1

#6924259 - 10/17/17 09:17 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
68A Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 09/29/12
Posts: 2926
Loc: North Texas
Two biscuits were in an oven. One biscuit looks as the other and says "sure is hot in here". The other biscuit screams " Ahhh... a talking biscuit ".

#6924269 - 10/17/17 09:30 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
HuntingTexas Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 17267
Loc: Out of Dallas Co. SOON !!
I laughed.
" In God We Trust "

#6924439 - 10/18/17 06:33 AM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
colt45 Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 8442
Loc: bastrop county
hold on Newt, we got a runaway

#6924854 - 10/18/17 12:15 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
titan2232 Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 12/29/14
Posts: 3917
Loc: Conroe, TX

#6925489 - 10/19/17 04:57 AM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
pigplinker Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 2033
Loc: Ben Wheeler,Tx

#6925504 - 10/19/17 05:56 AM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
Stray Cat Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 1322
Loc: Ray Roberts

#6926946 - 10/20/17 10:39 AM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
hook_n_line Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 4793
Sometimes it's hard being me! But somebody has to do it.

#6928909 - 10/22/17 01:29 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
Gary Olson Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 01/24/13
Posts: 426
Loc: Plano, TX
#18 and you are the one which is just nuts?

#6928921 - 10/22/17 01:42 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
DHarden Offline
Light Foot

Registered: 01/20/17
Posts: 40
Loc: Houston/Del Rio

#6941616 - 10/31/17 09:06 PM Re: Pick one [Re: bill oxner]
DrPerry Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 416
Loc: Not sure but the sky sure is p...
Milt Famy was the greatest pitcher and some believed the greatest baseball player, period, who ever lived. He single-handedly pitched his team to the World Series, and they easily won the three games he was able to pitch in the Series. However, the other team won three games while Milt was resting. Now, in the 7th game of the World Series, Milt was again pitching.
The game was a 0-0 pitcher's battle as Milt Famy walked out to the mound for the bottom of the 9th inning. Milt took the sign from the catcher, wound up and pitched. A ball. He quickly pitched three more balls and walked the first batter. A stir went through the crowd. Milt Famy rarely walked anyone, let alone on four pitches.
The next batter came up, and Milt walked him on four pitches, too. Then two more batters. The game and the Series were lost!
As the runner on third base crossed home plate with the winning run, he glanced out at the pitcher's mound and saw a can of beer fall out the back pocket of Milt Famy's uniform.
It was all too obvious what had happened. Milt Famy had been drinking between innings! The runner pointed to the beer and shouted out, "That's the beer that made Milt Famy walk us!"


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