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#6341996 - 06/20/16 03:46 PM Preaching Advice
polishpreacher Offline

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 92
Loc: Fredericksburg, Texas
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak . . .
Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?"

The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He believed everything went very well.

After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the following before addressing the congregation again:

Next time, sip the martini rather than gulping it down.
There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
David 'slew' Goliath, he didn't 'kick the [censored] out of him.'
We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T.'
We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C. and the boys.'
We don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
Next Sunday, there is a taffy-pulling contest at Saint Peters, not a 'peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's.'
The idea of a drive-in confessional is excellent, but the sign, 'Toot-n-Tell or Go to Hell' has to go.
Last, but not least, we say The Virgin Mary, not the 'Mary with the Cherry.'"

#6342006 - 06/20/16 03:53 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
Cast Online   happy
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 17354
Loc: North Texas - God's Country

I have a short attention spa

#6342168 - 06/20/16 06:33 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
RedHoss Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2821
Loc: Houston, Texas

#6342619 - 06/21/16 08:07 AM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
CCBIRDDOGMAN Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 10542
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out.

#6343497 - 06/21/16 09:35 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
texasag93 Online   content

Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 4785
Loc: Argyle

#6343899 - 06/22/16 11:10 AM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
TXHOGSLAYER Online   content

Registered: 01/12/12
Posts: 14343
Loc: Katy, TX
Originally Posted By: Ojai Hunter
This is great! I haven't had a happy ending in quite a while !

#6344095 - 06/22/16 03:07 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
sleepyhunter Online   content
Bird Dog

Registered: 09/04/13
Posts: 373
Loc: Burleson TX
clap roflmao partyon555

Broke from buying guns, bows and fishing tackle and wouldn't have it any other way.


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