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#6341996 - 06/20/16 03:46 PM Preaching Advice
polishpreacher Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 04/18/12
Posts: 92
Loc: Fredericksburg, Texas
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak . . .
Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?"

The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He believed everything went very well.

After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the following before addressing the congregation again:

Next time, sip the martini rather than gulping it down.
There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
David 'slew' Goliath, he didn't 'kick the [censored] out of him.'
We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T.'
We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C. and the boys.'
We don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.'
Next Sunday, there is a taffy-pulling contest at Saint Peters, not a 'peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's.'
The idea of a drive-in confessional is excellent, but the sign, 'Toot-n-Tell or Go to Hell' has to go.
Last, but not least, we say The Virgin Mary, not the 'Mary with the Cherry.'"

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#6342006 - 06/20/16 03:53 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
Cast Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 17871
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
peep
_________________________
Cast



I have a short attention spa

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#6342168 - 06/20/16 06:33 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
RedHoss Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2821
Loc: Houston, Texas
lol35

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#6342619 - 06/21/16 08:07 AM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
CCBIRDDOGMAN Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/16/07
Posts: 10660
Loc: CEDAR CREEK LAKE
roflmao
_________________________
Originally Posted By: bill oxner
Haven't had it in years but never spit any out.

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#6343497 - 06/21/16 09:35 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
texasag93 Online   content


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 4947
Loc: Argyle
eek2

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#6343899 - 06/22/16 11:10 AM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
TXHOGSLAYER Online   content
goatboy

Registered: 01/12/12
Posts: 14879
Loc: Katy, TX
clap
_________________________

Originally Posted By: bill oxner
Also, I wonder why you guys are arguing if you have not tried it both ways.

Originally Posted By: bill oxner
I got 3 inches.

Originally Posted By: nsmike
you haven't seen anything, until two gays go at it.

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#6344095 - 06/22/16 03:07 PM Re: Preaching Advice [Re: polishpreacher]
sleepyhunter Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 09/04/13
Posts: 377
Loc: Burleson TX
clap roflmao partyon555
_________________________




Broke from buying guns, bows and fishing tackle and wouldn't have it any other way.

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