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#6271582 - 04/22/16 02:45 PM Grandpa gets audited by IRS
Cast Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 12/14/08
Posts: 17354
Loc: North Texas - God's Country
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"

I have a short attention spa

#6271591 - 04/22/16 02:54 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
TEXASLEFTY Online   content
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 9697
Loc: The Island Cres
Originally Posted By: Chunky Monkey
Never been to a camping world. I prefer Dick's to be honest.

#6271594 - 04/22/16 02:57 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
bill oxner Offline
THF Celebrity

Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 44661
Loc: Katy-Fulshear
Columbus kicked an Indian in the butt for telling that one.
Quail hunting is like walking into, and out of a beautiful painting all day long. Gene Hill

#6271595 - 04/22/16 02:57 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
snoopy Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 5495
Good one!

#6271596 - 04/22/16 02:57 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
dogcatcher Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 07/17/06
Posts: 85667
Loc: Abilene or on the road...
Combat Infantryman, the ultimate hunter where the prey shoots back.
_____________"Illegitimus non carborundum est"_______________

#6271647 - 04/22/16 03:33 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
pegasaurus Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16452
Loc: South Denton County
Originally Posted By: Nogalus Prairie
I’m an anti-Trumper but had not thought that deeply. I need to brush up on my “conspiracy thought” skills.

#6271850 - 04/22/16 06:00 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
RedHoss Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2821
Loc: Houston, Texas

#6280697 - 04/29/16 06:16 PM Re: Grandpa gets audited by IRS [Re: Cast]
nak Online   sleepy
Pro Tracker

Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 1251
Loc: DFW
Great one!
NRA Lifer / Member TSRA


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