The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be valid.


SIMPLE TRUTH 1:

Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


SIMPLE TRUTH 2:

When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".

But, none of her friends comes up to the man - touches his penis and say, "Good job.”

Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated



FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the a-hole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.


BONUS RULE:

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Greatness!

Yep