I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my [censored] and said, "You're kind of cute. You got a phone number?"
I said, "Yep, you got a pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me six stitches and a bruise the size of a cattle hoof. But when you're over seventy, who gives a [censored]!



Cowboy says, "Give me three packets of condoms, please."
Cashier asks, "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy says, "Nah. She's purty good lookin'."
When you are over seventy, who gives a [censored].


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are over seventy, who gives a [censored].


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy, who gives a [censored].


I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over seventy, who gives a [censored].


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you are over seventy, who gives a [censored].

Poor Al.

The swimming pool incident was good.

I cant stop laughing. Picturing an old marlboro induced raspy voice saying all this.

I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey the other day

Scared the chit out of other the people in the grocery store!