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#5497008 - 12/24/14 07:52 AM Church Bulletins
macec3(TX) Offline

Registered: 09/01/12
Posts: 625
Loc: Laneville, TX.
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM .
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

#5497172 - 12/24/14 09:19 AM Re: Church Bulletins [Re: macec3(TX)]
redfred Offline

Registered: 04/18/09
Posts: 1338
Loc: La Porte
I passed this one around the office since it's a slow day, and everybody's laughing! Since I was a Scoutmaster, this one is my favorite: Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.[
Alcohol,Tobacco, and Firearms. Should not be a government bureau. Should be a department store.

#5505619 - 12/29/14 12:58 AM Re: Church Bulletins [Re: macec3(TX)]
RedHoss Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2788
Loc: Houston, Texas
True story: One evening (after dark) back in the mid 70s, I was driving thru Pasadena Texas and drove past a church that had the name of the church written on a sign out front in electronic neon letters. The name of the church was FIRST ASSEMBLY OF GOD. I mean no disrespect to them but I had to do a double take look at the sign because it just didn't look right. In the word ASSEMBLY, only the first three letters were lit up and the rest were apparently burnt out. Being as polite as possible for this forum, the small letters were not lit up. Check it out and tell me that it didn't look right. FIRST ASSembly OF GOD. I went past there the next night and the entire sign was turned off. I wonder what that preacher thought when he saw it. Sorry if I offended anyone, not my intention.


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