Wow, where to start as this is kinda hard to talk about but need advice. So my ex a couple years back decided it was OK, without asking me first, to let her boyfriend take my son hunting for the first time ever instead of allowing me that opportunity and memory...even going as far as taking it upon himself to "teach" my son to shoot for the first time and again without even talking to me first. Mind you this is the boyfriend she had an affair with and divorced me for...and yes, I know that's my issue. I've since taken him to sit with me on a number of occasions and decided this year at 10 he is old enough to try and shoot something himself. I bought him a 243, taken him to the range, etc. and we have went hunting a few times but he has not had the opportunity to take a deer yet while with me, his father.

Now this morning I get an email from his mother, instead of a call, saying that my son has an opportunity to go deer hunting this weekend and she doesn't want him not to be able to shoot something if he has a chance. She's asking for his license so he can shoot a deer if he has the chance or for me to explain why he can't shoot something without his dad there. I don't want to be the selfish one and say no, but there's a very good chance that I'm going to miss out on sharing the memory of my son's 1st deer just like I had the memory of having him go hunting the first time with me taken away.

So my question is what would you all do?

Full disclosure - I have no kids and I've never been divorced myself, so I may be talking out of my rear a bit. My parents were divorced, though, so I have that perspective on the issue at least.

Your son has a mixed family; these things are going to happen. It's part of the aftermath of a divorce with children. It might help if you think about it from his perspective. No matter how much you would be disappointed you did not get to share his first deer with him, you would still be exceedingly proud of him, right?

maybe ask if he can just get a doe this weekend and save the first buck for you and him? that way your son can maybe get him a deer this weekend but you and him can experience an even greater thrill

By not letting your son go could drive a wedge between you and him, he is only 10, besides when you and he are together the best will come for both of you.
If he does get his first deer with someone else he and you still have the chance of his first deer with you and might be able to teach more than you know.
The best.

This sounds like a good compromise to me. You don't look like the bad guy for saying no, but you still get the chance to experience his first buck with him.

I would be as supportive as you can. He needs to know you have his back no matter what. If you put your foot down, he will not be mad at your ex or her boyfriend, you will take that one.

There is plenty of season left and years of hunting together to come. If he has the opportunity, he should take it.

I'm a divorced father of two boys.

I never compromised in the least and wouldn't in this case.

Let it be known 100%. Tell the ex, your son, and the BF you'll take him hunting for his first deer.

And…welcome to a lifetime of this horsecrap. It isn't ever easy.

I understand all the other replies. But I'm telling you from experience, do not expect compromise if you don't put your foot down. Be the bad guy. Be selfish. Make them mad.

If you don't … man, can you imagine if you let this BF have this memory and he's no longer a part of your son's life anymore???

Screw that - no way.

Dont let your own selfishness take away from your kids happiness !

He's 10, if he wants to go, let him go.

I agree. The boy's interests come first.

hello...my name is Michael.... I write from italy.....

The best day besides the day my 3 daughters were born was the day I wrote that last child support check. Their momma lived off of them since she did not have a job and now doesn't have squat to show for it. My girls are all successful since I put all 3 thru college without any cost to them. Not everyone has that ability with finances but I ate a bunch of bologna sandwiches to make it happen. I was blessed with being able to take my kids fishing for the first time catching fish and that was a blessing. They were never interested in hunting. He may teach your son to hunt or ride a bike or be there when he is sick at home. Pissed me off that someone else had that right with my daughters but do not talk down or berate your ex in front of your son about his mom or her boyfriend. Congratulate him if he makes a kill then put him on a bigger and better deer. Point is to be engaged in the upbringing of your son. There will always be someone else in the life of a divorced family. Make your time with your son SPECIAL.

Bust him out of school tomorrow or wed and take him before the other guy.

Best feeling I ever has was when I was summoned to the principals office and was told my dad was there to pick me up for a "family emergency". Got in the car and he had it loaded with our gear. Don't remember if we got anything or even where we went but I do remember thinking how cool it was that dad wanted to take me.

Keep your boy happy so you can be happy. Explain to him that you want to be with him when he kills his first deer and many other things that occur in life, but by the same token you don't want to stand in the way of him being happy. If you continuously do what is best for him, in the long run he will figure it out. On the flip side if you continuously do what is best for you, he will figure that out also. Kids should not have to make a choice. Been there and done the entire thing, but it was with 2 daughters instead of a son.

You've prepared him for taking a deer. Encourage him to do his best and kill a monster. Take the high road.

Sucks.

Now, if your son doesn't shoot something, you gotta get him in your stand, Poste Haste! (We are 5 weekends into season for the youth)

Man it's a tough one to swallow but if it is something he is really fired up about I think you need to give him your full support and wish him the best of luck on his first deer. Let him know how special it would be if you were with him and tell him how excited you will be when y'all get the chance. He will thank you for it. He will be more excited about telling you all about it than he is about being with the jackwagon that is taking him anyways. I promise. I like Redsnakes idea also

Yep. Also, I would be at least a little bit thankful that the new man takes an interest in your son. Could be worse. He could be a jerk to him.

I dont think id be too cool with it. at all!!

I will allways remember the first deer both my girls took . Very proud moments.

But take all that out of the equation... Here is my biggest problem..

I dont want my kids handeling firearms without MY supervision.. They are 13 and 17 now. There NO way I would turn them loose with someone else when they were 10. You dont know this guys safety skills.(especially some dude that has the morals to sleep with my wife). I know you have taught him well, but you know how it is when hunting with kids...SAFETY,SAFETY....

If you dont agree with me, use this as an excuse anyway...

good luck man, I feel for ya

what he said

In two years he can choose to live with you if he desires to. Don't let jealousy ruin that opportunity. Good luck.

As hard as this would be for me, this is what I would do if he wants to go.

That sucks OP. But if you're really asking for anonymous opinions on this very personal issue, I say let him go and ask them to keep you posted with texts and pics from the hunt. Make a big deal out of it, be supportive, and take him out whenever you have the opportunity. Heck, maybe even ship him a new set of binocs or something.

There are just some things a boy does with his dad. This is one of them. Jealousy…high road…ruining an opportunity…screw all of it. I'd make d*** sure my son killed his first deer with me right there with him. Just like I did with both of mine.

This is probably your only opportunity to raise a son…let a boyfriend take him for his first deer??! Does not sit even in the same playing field with reality.